climbing the hill

I think it's pretty clear that I'm going through some kind of existensial aging crisis. And as I've said before, a lot of that is because I did everything backwards. While kids my age were going away to college, doing keg-stands, and skipping classes, I was waking up at 4 am to screaming drill sergeants and getting gassed just so we knew what it felt like (not good, in case you needed to know). While kids my age were just graduating from school, trying to find their first job and apartment, I was settling into a suburban middle-class married lifestyle, sorting through fabric swatches and finding missing pieces to my china set. Then when people my age were looking to settle down on a house and a partner, I went back to school, got divorced, and now with one foot nudged firmly in the door of my thirties, I'm trying to figure out how to proceed from here.So now that I've gone off on a huge tangent. Here I am feeling pretty young, doing the things that young kids do, and I get to work and realize that I am working on the old people's weekend. Nobody I work with is under forty. The other weekend has all the young kids. Yet again I am trapped in this weird middle ground between being young and being grown-up and I just don't know what to make of it. But I know this, the soothing sounds of smooth jazz does not a peppy night make.