can you hear me now?

The universe has been trying to tell me something lately, of that I am quite positive. And I’m trying to hear her, I really am. I give myself quiet time to pseudo-meditate and reflect and open up to the messages cosmically and comically being tossed at me. But I think I need a better service provider with clearer reception cause I am just not breaking the code. Is there a super-secret, hyper-magical decoder ring out there that I get by submitting my proofs-of-purchase of fifteen containers of Ovaltine per chance?