bring out the best foods

I hate mayonnaise. I hate it with a passion rivaled only by my passions for Johnny Depp and out of town boys. In the matter of two days, I have been bamboozled by sandwich and hamburger companies into eating the goopy egg-slop that reminds me of a nasty phlegm-wad. Last night I ate a greasy-grease burger, a necessity after a night of drinking, and though I wanted the divine sounding deluxe burger...I opted for the cheeseburger instead because the deluxe came with mayo. But they had sleathely slathered mayo on my burger anyway...bastards, totally put a dent in my buzz. Then today I decided that I couldn't eat crackers and peanut butter for another four day stretch, so I went to the grocery store and picked up some nibbles, including a deli sandwich. I should have known that something was amiss when I noticed there weren't individual little packets of condiments that most sandwiches have. What a way to ruin a perfectly good turkey sandwich, a ton of icky-icky mayo. Man, I'm telling you...when I rule the world not only will EVERYBODY have the same metabolism, but mayonnaise will only be used in my mom's crab salad and occasionally for canned tuna.