bleeding heart

Some days, when I feel particularly empty inside, I imagine cutting a hole in my chest to see if there is still a beating heart in there. The logical part of me knows that there is, I'm still living after all; but the part of me that doesn't feel very alive wonders. If this momentary lapse into psychotic fantasizing comes with a visual fantasy, I often find myself giddy from the picture in my head. I don't think this makes me particularly crazy. I bet if I googled this, a lot of people have these very same thoughts.