see-saw

Insecurity seems like such a benign thing. You would think that the only thing it would affect is my self-esteem...poor me. But then I go and start projecting that insecurity all over the place, splattering my life with it like I'm involved in some overzealous game of paintball. And I have completely polarized reactions to the woe-is-me disease. Sometimes it immobilizes me and I become incapable of doing anything because I'm sure that I'm not good enough so why bother trying. And other times my hyperactive imagination gets the best of me and I start creating a lot of tension in my life because I tell myself that I know what's going to happen because I'm not nearly good enough to prevent it. Damned if you do... And somehow I manage to disassociate myself enough to be watching myself do these things, realize I'm being a little (or a lot) foolish, and still feel as if I'm on a bullet train to Fucked Up-Ville, population me.