wash, rinse, repeat

If I had a dollar for each time I have had this conversation (I had it twice on Thursday, almost verbatim):

Me: (blah blah blah), Korean (blah blah blah).
Them: Why would you being doing (blah blah blah ) Korean?
Me: Oh, I'm Korean.
Them: YOU ARE!!! But you don't LOOK Korean!
Me: Yeah, I know.
Them: I thought you were _________ (Mexican, Hispanic, Portugese, Italian, Mediterranean, etc. etc. etc).
Me: I hear that a lot.
Them: Who's Korean? Your mom, your dad? Are they full Korean? Do you eat kimchee? Say something to me in Korean.
Me: My mom and she's straight one-hundred percent Korean. Of course I eat kimchee, I just told you that I'm Korean. And if I say something to you in Korean, will that all of the sudden transcend your disbelief and make me look more Korean to you than I did a minute ago?
Them: So do you eat dog?
And when I was ruder and slightly less mature, this would be the point that I would insert some incredibly rude and inappropriate question about their cultural habits. But now I'm an adult and just end up saying, "That's kind of a stupid question."

for whom the bell tolls

My computer being down made me finally recognize that this blog is in its final death throes and like many a pet owner, I decided that it was for the best to put it down rather that prolonging its misery. There are a lot of reasons for my deciding to do this... Maybe I've lost interest in maintaining this particular site. There aren't as many changes in my life as there were when I started this thing. The routine of my current life is reflected in my lack of desire to update my page. And I don't have a schtick or a gimmick to keep me going. No weekly radio address or recipe I've tried or movies I've seen. It was just me running off at the mouth/fingertips and I realize I've gotten pretty one-dimensional lately. Maybe I've lost interest in blogging. I still visit all my friends' blogs, but not with the fervor of days yore. I don't participate in any of the blogshare stuff anymore. I don't check my blogrings or hit the next blog button anymore. Maybe I've lost interest when a lot of people lost interest in me. I know everybody says that blogging is about writing for yourself...blah blah blah. But let's face it, if that were true then we would be writing in journals or saving word documents, not posting online. Ahhh well, for whatever reason, I am saying goodbye. I am going to take this page down on December 1st. First, because I think that pages left online that aren't being updated are kind of annoying. Secondly, I'm going to take some time and save the posts to a word processing document. I'm no Sylvia Plath, maybe not even a Danielle Steele, but I'd kinda like to save my stuff. Third, and most importantly, I want to say goodbye to my regular readers, aka friends. Thanks for sticking around, whether regularly or every once in a blue moon to catch up. Thanks for taking the time to comment, everybody loves comments. Just thanks! I'm keeping my account open so I can still comment on your blogs and such. Happy Trails!

plumping dangers

Apparently the plump is not meant for everybody. I field tested the fatty lip plumper with a girl at work yesterday. Today she came into work with blisters on her lips. OUCHIE! Lesson learned, no trying out the fish-lip juice when your lips are cracked.

return of the swamp thing

My computer is back in action. My brother fixed it. Apparently I had downloaded a virus that was continually running an application and using 99% of my processor. I wish I were half as motivated as that virus.

my special day

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

airborne porcine

As a contingency to my getting my job last year, I was supposed to get certified by a national credentialing agency. I had a year to do it. That year ended in July and guess what...I never did it. I applied for it, I paid for it, I scheduled it, I rescheduled it, I just never took it. I just thought I was never going to pass it. It's been twelve years since I did my army training, which is not too different from being shoved down a pseudo-educational assembly line...not the best learning environment for long term memory storage. I hadn't needed a certification up until this point as I had been "grandfathered" in to the field. There were areas in the lab that I hadn't and still have NEVER worked. Basically, all signs pointed to my failing that test. And when you're the kind of person who derives a lot of self-worth from stupid stuff like passing tests, well I wasn't looking forward to taking it. But I finally bit the bullet and took the test yesterday, mostly because I wanted to get the test fee back from my GI Bill monies. And during the taking of it, there was a lot of stuff I just didn't know. Some of the questions were incredibly obscure. They asked things that nobody needs to know to do their job and do it well. I knew I failed that test. I clicked that end test button and waited for a big red screen to pop up, probably with a loud alarm and computer generated voice that would announce that I failed. But another screen came up, one that said I had FUCKING PASSED! With an 82%! Holy Christ! I was so astonished that my eyes welled up and I started crying on the spot. I almost didn't believe what I had seen. I thought I might have misread it. Then they gave me the print-out that said that I had indeed passed. I'm still a little shocked. All my loved ones kept telling me I would pass, they had the faith in me that I didn't have for myself. We went out to a really lovely dinner to celebrate. We even bought dessert and more wine than was probably necessary. And this morning I woke up feeling pretty good nonetheless. It's nice waking up to a surprising accomplishment.

tricked and treated

My computer is still possessed but I thought I would give a peep at our Halloween costume. I'm almost hoping for a feathered hair resurgence because it was crinkly, global warming inducing fun. All in all, other than some unexpected and unnecessary drama, it was a super fun weekend.

coinkydinky

I found this in The Stranger's Last Days section:

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 22 The week ends with another Hot Tip involving questionable sexuality on Seattle streets. The setting: A Dumpster near the intersection of Summit Avenue and Olive Way on Seattle's Capitol Hill, where Hot Tipper Mike noticed a cardboard box filled to the brim with home-recorded VHS videotapes. "They were all hand labeled," writes Mikes, who soon discovered the truth of the tapes content. "It was all fat-girl porn. A sample of titles: Delilah (350 lbs) Gets Sexy, Kathy's World (amateur), Strip Poker (starring the Powerbosom Girls). I wish I could've left it at that," says Mike. "But no. I brought Strip Poker home and I'll live forever with the consequences. Imagine three 400-pound ladies sitting around a card table with an ice-cream sundae in the middle. They are all eating hoagies. Then the 'photographer' shows up, the clothes come off, and the images that follow are forever etched into my eyeballs." As for the discarded box of porn: "My theory is some guy's (supersized?) girlfriend found the tapes and got super pissed. What other explanation could there be for a big box of fatty porn in the trash?" Actually, there are numerous alternate explanations, from a garden-variety guilt-ridden porn purge to someone with a fetish for size losing a battle with leukemia. But Mike's furious-girlfriend theory is a good one and only gets better as you imagine the specifics. Was the imaginary girlfriend in question huge and humiliated? Skinny and icked out? Average sized and antiporn? We'll never know. But one fact resonates forever: Confronted by a boyfriend's collection of heavy-girl porn, any woman, of any size, will harbor one question: Are you calling me fat?

What's really funny about this is that the dumpster mentioned in this article is the dumpster for my apartment building. And I walked past this box o' porn several times without ever stopping to see what those videos were. How funny! I knew I should have looked in the box!!!

From The Stranger: SUNDAY, OCTOBER 22 The week ends with another Hot Tip involving questionable sexuality on Seattle streets. The setting: A Dumpster near the intersection of Summit Avenue and Olive Way on Seattle's Capitol Hill, where Hot Tipper Mike noticed a cardboard box filled to the brim with home-recorded VHS videotapes. "They were all hand labeled," writes Mikes, who soon discovered the truth of the tapes content. "It was all fat-girl porn. A sample of titles: Delilah (350 lbs) Gets Sexy, Kathy's World (amateur), Strip Poker (starring the Powerbosom Girls). I wish I could've left it at that," says Mike. "But no. I brought Strip Poker home and I'll live forever with the consequences. Imagine three 400-pound ladies sitting around a card table with an ice-cream sundae in the middle. They are all eating hoagies. Then the 'photographer' shows up, the clothes come off, and the images that follow are forever etched into my eyeballs." As for the discarded box of porn: "My theory is some guy's (supersized?) girlfriend found the tapes and got super pissed. What other explanation could there be for a big box of fatty porn in the trash?" Actually, there are numerous alternate explanations, from a garden-variety guilt-ridden porn purge to someone with a fetish for size losing a battle with leukemia. But Mike's furious-girlfriend theory is a good one and only gets better as you imagine the specifics. Was the imaginary girlfriend in question huge and humiliated? Skinny and icked out? Average sized and antiporn? We'll never know. But one fact resonates forever: Confronted by a boyfriend's collection of heavy-girl porn, any woman, of any size, will harbor one question: Are you calling me fat? What's funny about this is that this box of porn was tossed in the dumpsters of my apartment building. In fact, I walked past this box o' goodies several times for several days. HAHAHA!

My computer is still on the blink. It makes me realize that I use the computer far too much for somebody who doesn't need one for work or school or anything that could possibly justify the amount of time I spend in front of a computer screen. A lot has happened lately. Let's see... o I just went through a weird and unexpected spell of fighting with Devo. We spent days stuck in a rut of the 3 Fs...fighting, feeding, and...other stuff. I had forgotten about that part of relationships. You know, the part when the person you care deeply for can be the person who can hurt your feelings the most. Luckily we worked through that little bump. Hopefully it'll stay a molehill that doesn't feel the need to develop short man's syndrome. o My friend Gabs was in town over the weekend. We had a ton of fun. We even went to a pumpkin patch with a corn maze in the shape of Washington state. They have school field trips through the maze so the kids can get an idea of how far apart things are and such. We opted not to learn anything important. Instead we learned how easily you can make the most innocent things seem phallic for photographs. o My ex had his first date. Everybody keeps asking me how I feel about that. I'm stoked. I think he should get out more. Hopefully he'll meet somebody nice and good for him. o I'm going out of town this weekend for a Halloween party. We got our roller derby costumes pretty much all finished. It's going to be super fun. Devo needs to get an athletic supporter though because our shorts are really short and really tight. Honestly I don't think everybody needs to know whether or not he's circumcised. Pictures of the costumes will be forthcoming. Well, I guess that's about all I can squeeze out for now. Hopefully I'll get something done with the laptop soon.

stalling

So my computer is completely and utterly fuckered. I think that my Windows might be corrupted or something because every little thing I try to do makes my computer crash. I probably downloaded a virus...a porn addiction will do that I suppose. And that sucks, because I have had several things to blog lately and just haven't been able to because my computer is messed up. This makes me sad. So until I can figure out a way to sell a kidney or not get caught using the internet at work...my posts are going to be sporadic at best.

sightings

three seconds

Hey you, yes you! Go see this movie! Why? Why not, beats sitting at home. And it's good. Real good. It's a movie with complexity. A movie where shades of gray exist. Where protagonists are not perfect. Where the hero probably won't save the day. Where the guy doesn't get the girl even after he's had the girl. But for some reason, all of that is okay.

policy maker

Me=venting. Venting=probably not fit for public consumption. Me=doing it anyway. I don't beat around the bush. I truly feel that if a person takes the time to ask me my opinion about something, then I should give them an honest, thoughtful answer. I also generally try to take into account who I am speaking with and figure out a good way to communicate my opinion so as not to look too harsh or unsupportive. I like to believe that most people who know me know this about me. I would also like to believe that knowing that, people who ask me for my opinion are ready for it. So color me surprised when somebody asks me what I think about something and then gets insulting when they don't particularly like what I have to say about it. You don't want to hear my opinion if it isn't exactly like yours, then don't take the chance and fucking ask me in the first place. Fucking ask somebody else. Or better yet, don't ask me to comment on situations that I don't know nearly enough about and expect my opinion to compare with people who have way more information. And don't throw something back in my face, comments I've made about different discussions altogether, as some kind of reactionary retributive bullshit. Because let me tell you, two can play that game and I don't like to lose.

see-saw

Insecurity seems like such a benign thing. You would think that the only thing it would affect is my self-esteem...poor me. But then I go and start projecting that insecurity all over the place, splattering my life with it like I'm involved in some overzealous game of paintball. And I have completely polarized reactions to the woe-is-me disease. Sometimes it immobilizes me and I become incapable of doing anything because I'm sure that I'm not good enough so why bother trying. And other times my hyperactive imagination gets the best of me and I start creating a lot of tension in my life because I tell myself that I know what's going to happen because I'm not nearly good enough to prevent it. Damned if you do... And somehow I manage to disassociate myself enough to be watching myself do these things, realize I'm being a little (or a lot) foolish, and still feel as if I'm on a bullet train to Fucked Up-Ville, population me.

self-imposed exile

I've been trying to get back on some kind of routine lately after having spent most of September, nay most of the summer, fiddling around and engaging in hedonistic revelry and debaucherous unruliness. And I decided that for my physical and fiscal health, and as a test of my willpower, I would abstain from drinking, smoking, and most nightlife socializing until the Halloween party season began. I thought that with summer ending and all, it would be easy. The weather would get poopie and people would begin preparing for winter hibernation. But then the weather got nice and I keep getting invitations for what sound like really fun parties. I always do this to myself, I set up goals that are probably a little bigger than they need to be and then I have to either choose to go through with it and feel unhappy or bail on the idea and feel some guilt about failing. UPDATE: So, having the most amazing rationalizing tools available to me...I convinced myself that I didn't need to give up drinking...I just needed to cut back to one or two a week. That sounds more doable.

highs and lows

It's impossible to try and fully account for all of the happenings of my Burningman experience, plus it probably wouldn't be prudent to talk about some of them at any rate. So rather than try to do a diary of my days, I decided that it was less overwhelming and probably more interesting, to just jot down some of the more memorable things (in bullet form of course). o The very first thing to happen was a small setback involving setting up our camp. We picked a location and got a lot of our camp set up AND THEN some people came out and to tell us we were camping on their reserved spot that they had very NOT clearly marked with a used up glow stick. It almost got dramatic. Even in a place like Burningman, people are assholes when it comes "protecting" what they think is theirs. But it turned out very well, we ended up in a much better location that was far downwind of the port-a-potties. o Many of our Seattle friends camp at Zu, a lovely camp full of amazing people, including one fella who flew an airplane down to Nevada. He gave away free plane rides, and Pink, Heidi and I jumped at the chance. It was AMAZING flying around the playa and getting a bird's eye view of the city and The Man. AND I got to fly the plane a little. It's a bit like playing Pole Position, you barely move the controls and the whole plane moves. My tummy jumps a little every time I think about it. o Becca and I decided one day that it was our mission to find Mister Mister, the misting tent provided by one of the camps. We rode across the playa in 90+ degree desert weather and when we got there I run into my friend Nico. What are the chances of running into one person in a crowd of 38,000 people? Actually, pretty good at Burningman. o One of our fellow campers ended up not being able to come at the last minute. The problem with that, other then her not being there, was that she was the person who was bringing two more campers. A few phone calls, and six hours...problem solved. Charlie, an unknown prior to this adventure, ended up leaving his job and coming down to the burn with our other campers (and gas for Starla). I hadn't met Charlie before but oddly enough I knew him as "Charlie the Bartender" because he knows some other people I know. It was fun making those connections during our walks around the city. o When somebody tells you they have the way to make your first burn memorable, it pays to be a little cautious. But then again, getting an electric cattle prod to your bare ass is DEFINITELY unforgettable. o Despite your best intuition telling you otherwise, it is impossible to NOT look down into the foulest depths of the Porta-potties each and every time nature calls. Though somehow my body and I developed some sort of mutual understanding that restricting bodily function was often for the best. o We camped down the block from a group from Maryland. Twice a week they gifted bloody marys to the playa citizenry. They were the BEST bloody marys I have ever had the joy of imbibing...yummy tomato juice, good vodka, fresh horseradish, beef stock...drool. I went there both times they were handing out the goods. o I saw quite possibly the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets of my life while on the playa. One morning in particular stands out. Josh and I were still going strong in the wee hours of the morning, though the rest of our crew had decided to call it quits. We hung out for a while and then decided to head over the Blunderland, a camp of the people who threw the Esthetic Evolution party I went to in Boise earlier in the summer. During our walk, the sun starting coming out. The sun came up over the mountains on the horizon and made the sky the most intense shades of pink, leaving an almost magenta hue lingering over the skyline for what seemed like forever. Josh and I walked with arms clasped around each other's waists and looked on, astounded at the sheer beauty we felt extremely privileged to be experiencing. We kept looking at one another in amazement and wonderment...it was perfect. o During one of our many nights out on the Esplanade, I wanted to find my friend Nico very badly. I walked up and down looking for him and kept running into other people who would tell me where they had last seen him. I started to become frustrated because I couldn't find him. Then I heard an art car playing a song that Devo often plays during his DJ sets, aptly nicknamed the whistle song. I decided to walk over and listen to the song and take a minute to think about my sweetie. It was then that I noticed there was a huge crowd standing around this metal serpent art installation. I waited around for a while and didn't see anything going on, so I leaned over to the guy standing next to me and asked what was happening. It was then that I noticed who I was talking to. On New Year's Eve, I went to a party with some Kentucky friends. We were heading to another party and couldn't get a cab to save our lives. These brothers were standing outside while we were trying and they offered us a ride home. We had never met these men, neither or them were permanent residents of Seattle, and once the ride was over it was likely that we would never see these good-deed-doers again. That is until I went to Burningman and randomly leaned over to ask somebody what was happening in the middle of the Playa at midnight. I asked him if he remembered me, he did and he was astounded that I remembered him. It was at that moment that I knew what that playa was trying to tell me, I couldn't control what happened out there and it was silly of me to try. What was going to happen was going to happen and I just needed to go along for the ride. It was a good lesson to learn. to be continued...

summer lovin' had me a blast

I decree that summer is officially over. Not only has the sky turned to the grayish muck that loudly proclaims "Seasonal DEFECTIVE disorder is back!" but the last outdoor party of the season was this last weekend. I busted out my white canvas espaidrilles, though banned by polite society since Labor Day, for one more event. And during said event I managed to o Develop a UTI o Develop a flat tire way out in the middle of nowhere o Discover that my donut was flat too o Get so blitzkrieged that much vomitting ensued And despite all of that I had a tremendous amount of fun glamping it up one last time (glamping=glamourous camping). Many good times were had by all. It was a beautiful campsite full of old growth trees and rolling green hills. There were loads of wonderful people. It was a good way to wrap up the summer. But at the same time, I'm glad all of this is over. No more raging two-nine day parties that involve Porta-potties and insane amounts of Turkey Jerky. No more coming back sick. No more spending ungodly sums of money to sleep in a tent. I'm ready for a break. I'm ready for some chill time, some me time, some "Hey, I haven't seen Masil around in a while" time. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now, by life and money (or lackthereof) and choices and gearing up for anniversaries I try not to deal with but inevitably end up dealing with in other ways. I need to revive and replenish myself. My soul feels tired and October seems like the perfect time for a long overdue nap.

reminiscing

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2006 REMINISCING continued from last post...a short continuation as my memory is slightly cloudy from the events of the past weekend... o One word...THUNDERDOME. Go to Flickr and do a search. It's pretty damn cool. One thing I noticed at Thunderdome, women are WAY scrappier than men. WAAYYYY scrappier. o I invented a new phrase (at least new to me) while down at Burningman...boy MOOP-a piece of boy material you pick up on the playa and drag around with you until you find an appropriate location to discard him. My boy MOOP was named Andrew. Andrew was a cutie-pie who was quite young and just naive enough that it took him several hours to figure out that we were just hanging out and that was it. o There were a lot of nekkid people at Burningman. And it is my observation that the people you would most like to see naked are often not the ones who decide to be naked. Seriously, I think I could go my entire life without seeing another pair of shaved testicles on a bike seat and be perfectly okay with that. o I rediscovered that I can sleep ANYWHERE. I would sleep in my tent during the hottest part of the day and wake up soaked in sweat. I slept through the one really big dust storm we had down there, the rest of the camp was scurrying about tying things down and making sure nothing blew away and I was passed out and didn't realize any of it was going on. o The art was incredible. I can't even begin to describe some of the amazing things out there. I will hopefully post some pictures soon but honestly, they won't do any justice to being out there. o And the best lesson for me was that I can let go and move past my own insecurities and weirdness about past interactions I've had with people and have them become something else. In some cases, new friendships were created out of interactions in which I thought nothing could develop. And in others, old obsessions were finally and completely released when I realized that I had created the object of my obsession and the reality of that person was not anywhere near the same thing. Now I've been back for two weeks, summer is over, things are pretty much back to normal. This was probably the best summer of my life. At some point I will get my crappy disposable camera pictures developed. Hopefully a few of them will turn out and I will get them posted up here.

'puting from work

1. What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
I can't even really remember his first name to be honest.
2. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
Neon green throwback string bikini briefs.
3. What is the song you want played at your funeral?
Strawberry Fields by The Beatles
4. Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
Most likely...of course they already think I am.
5. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
In'N'Out...at least two big piles of greasy mashed up fleshy nastiness with double processed cheese product.
6. Beatles or Stones?
The Beatles are the alpha and the omega.
7. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who?
The person stupid enough to ask such a question.
8. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Soft liquor....Amaretto please.
9. Do you have any phobias?
Of course.
10. What are your plans for the future?
Making a future.
11. What's your dog thinking right now?
"Hey, I can lick my butt!"
12. Do you walk around the house naked?
Often...it's one of the perks of living alone.
13. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
I have no gauge for drunkeness anymore. Somewhere between one and five.
14. Where is your best friend?
In my heart.
15. Hair color you like on someone you're dating?
What can I say, I grew up on Disney. I like my Prince Charmings tall, dark, & handsome.
16. Would you rather be blind or deaf?
I would miss the beauty of the world more than I would miss the sounds of it.
17. Do you have any special talents?
Yes but I they're only for my special friends.
18. Did you brush your teeth this morning?
Sure did.
19. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
I think it might have been Sleeping Beauty.
20. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Grab Iniki's leash so I can take him out before he pees all over.
21.Do you like horror or comedy?
I like the comedy of horror movies.
22. Do you like to watch movies by yourself?
It depends on my mood. Sometimes watching a tearjerker movie, curled up on my couch with my dog in my lap is therapeutic.
23. Guilty pleasure movie you will always watch if it's on?
Half-Baked.
24. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
Eh, regret...what a waste of time.
25. If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do?
Who said I was straight?
26. Where do you want to live when you are old?
In a state of contentment.
27. Who is the person you can count on most?
As far as I know, everybody I know has ten fingers and ten toes...so I think I can count up to twenty on them equally.
28. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Johnny Depp! And I'm not one of those Johnny-come-latelys. I STILL have my posters of Johnny Depp from BOP magazine!
29. Favorite drinking game?
The one that involves swallowing and not throwing up.
30. What did you dream last night?
That I couldn't fall asleep and had to take a bunch of sleeping pills and then worrying that I wouldn't be able to wake up.
31. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Competitive Eating.
32. Real or fake boobs?
That's like asking if you prefer a real or fake rolex. Not everybody can afford a real rolex.
33. What is your new obsession?
Letting go of old obsessions.