This is my favorite part of my week. Just got off of my 3rd shift and have taken an Ambien so I am nice and pharmaceutically enhanced. I feel calm and relaxed and everything seems so nice and shiny (even though the reptilian hands are back). I wish I felt like this all the time, I would have a completely different life experience...I would be a completely different person. I might be somebody....HAPPY (an inconceivable thought I know). So this is what I am doing while stoned. I managed to figure out all of the correct movie titles by playing it over and over and over until I got the right answer and then writing them down. But for some reason I can't get in to the high score bracket. I think I need to be quicker on the draw.
Did I mention the hot guy at the art fair? I wish I was some hot-ass chick with oodles of sex-appeal so that I could just totally go up to him and turn him into a love slave. But I can't for many many reasons. I'm too shy (which somehow people read as bitchy and aloof), too "big-boned" (which is hard to meet men in general and artsy men are totally into way waifish androgynous girls, if they even like girls in the first place), too uncool (because I don't care what cool is anymore), too abrasive (like an SOS pad used with Comet cleaner), too mean (cause honesty is mean apparently), too tooo toooo tooooo toooooo...reading this you would think I have low self-esteem and that's not true. I have lots of esteem for myself, I think I'm awesome. Its just that I don't have a lot of esteem in how others are going to judge me. But I like me so I don't change and since I don't change others don't like me. It's a full assault on my and their esteem of me. The battle royale has been waging for many years.
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