Today I stepped on the scale and what should have been a proud moment was clouded by the fact that I'm still nowhere being "socially acceptable" as far as beauty standards go. And because of that, I realized the fruitlessness of my trying to be girly. And I've made an honest to goodness effort since I've been here. I've bought shirts with lace and sashes, purses, and I even own a few shoes with heels now. But that's just not me...I'd be more comfortable at a Dykes on Bikes rally than hanging out with the girls who work at bebe. I don't know why I felt I had to get girly....because I'm supposed to want to be that way, because guys like the girlie-girl, because I like the guys who like the girlie-girls...I don't know.
But I'll never be a that girl. First of all, I'm not built for it...I'm like a truck. I can build muscle that most guys have to juice up to achieve. Second, I just don't do cute. Though I generally haven't had nicknames that stuck around, most of them are along the lines of Bodyguard and Billy Badass. One girl used to call me Sunshine,but she meant it facetiously. All the pictures I traded in Basic Training (yeah, just like in high school) have "You're one kick-ass soldier, even if you are female" written on the back. So why am I trying to change myself? For whom? For what? I'm trying to fit into a world that tells me I'm not good enough because I'm supposed to emulate people like Paris Hilton?!?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!? Well that's never gonna happen, and even if it COULD happen, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want it to. So to hell with it, to hell with being judged for not measuring up because we're just a bunch of sheep buying into a terrible beauty standard. I'm liberating myself from hating myself because I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment