revisiting

"I can totally relate here. I've always hated my moniker and while in DC I did something about it. I made everybody call me the pseudonym I thought of some random drunken night while chatting on AOL. Those months as that person were the best of my life. But somehow I know I can't go back, so now I have to figure out who the new me is as I approach my third decade."
Jen emailed me that. It was a comment I left on her blog. I remember writing that though I don't know exactly when I did. But it got me thinking about my life here in Seattle. I moved here to Washington in May and up to Seattle in October...both really short spans of time. And my life is so profoundly different than it used to be. If I think back to a year ago, it would be almost impossible to imagine my life as it is now. Sometimes I feel like this life, in this time and space, is all a dream that I'll wake up from and think to myself how strange it all was. Other times I can't decide if my life is surreal or superreal. It's not just that I look different, though that fact alone contributes quite a bit to the world treating me differently, I feel completely different. Parts of me that had laid dormant for years are just starting to awaken. Frankly it feels a bit like your foot waking up after being completely numb and asleep, all of those tingling electric shocks that are a little painful. It's a curious thing, this journey and evolution. But I'm not working on the new me, I'm just working on me.