Monday, December 20, 2004
my solution for world peace
Okay stick with me here. When I rule the world, which is coming soon right after my nap, I am going to implement a policy that will bring peace. Basically my plan is to give every living person two knock-down, bare-knuckle, fisticuff credits per calendar year without fear of punishment other than a 50-50 chance at a beating. Now you might be thinking, "How would violence beget peace?" To which I would say, how dare you question me, week long toilet cleaning duty following our mandatory day long chili-eating marathon as your punishment! Unless I'm feeling generous and then I would explain, in an extremely condescending tone, the plan is simple really. First, if a person knew they had only two legally sanctioned fights per year, they would seriously consider which actions are fight-worthy. The old person cutting you off in their huge monte-carlo...probably not fight worthy, the evil secretary at the doctor's office who makes personal calls while you wait forty minutes past your appointment time...probably not fight worthy. When you realize how most everyday situations are not fight-worthy, you would be more apt to just let the stupid stuff go. Second, you might reconsider pissing other people off with your snarky comments and rude stares. Sure, you wouldn't think twice about leaving the 300 pound linebacker alone but you just never know about the quiet, skinny ones so you would go about your day being a kinder, gentler person. Its a plan of subtle genius, although I don't have all the kinks worked out yet.
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