o Always use the most shallow and superficial criteria for deciding which person you are interested in
o Make sure you choose one of the hottest people in the room
o Make sure that s/he knows s/he's one of the hottest people in the room, a good dose of megalomania is always beneficial
o Choose a person that is either moving out of town within the next few weeks or is already from out of town
o Misinterpret polite interest as true interest
o To ensure the above, be sure to NOT be at your most functional by consuming large quantities of liquor
o Get all up in people's space and make them uncomfortable
o Project an image of who you generally aren't, the overconsumption of alcohol is a big help in this regard
o Don't follow your intuition
o Try too hard and occasionally let the fact that you're feeling needy bleed through.
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