attack of the underwire

I'm trying to finish my laundry tonight as I have to work this weekend and can't be bothered to do anything worthwhile when I have to wake up before the sun even considers rising. Apparently my bras, whilst laying in my hamper, had decided to stage a ruthless and bloody coup against my panties and lingerie bag. When I opened the washing machine, it was a nightmare of gargantuan proportions. Somehow the mercenary attack prongs of my bra clasps had escaped the confines of the lingerie bag netting and there was pure mayhem. Spandex and rayon guts were spilled, elastic bands were ripped from their mothers arms and stretched into oblivion, it was sheer madness I tell you. Now I have the arduous and unfulfilling and prohibitive cost of replacing my underthings. But I might have to consider all-out segregation...no longer will brassieres be allowed to associate with panties willy-nilly...for those brassieres are pure evil. Obviously they think they're better than everybody because of their extra underwire, obviously the extra support they provide has given them some sort of god-complex and now they want to take over the panty drawer. I wonder which one was the ring-leader...was it the flowery blue number? or maybe the sports bra...I always thought that one was too serious and restrictive. All I know is they tried to annihilate my hellokitty target underoos and I tell you what, I won't stand for it, DOWN WITH BRAS! VIVE LE THONG!