tkus (total knock ups)

I'm starting to suspect that they are putting fertility drugs in the drinking fountain water at work. No sooner than people start working in our lab, surprise, they're pregnant. This year alone I think five women have given birth, and right now at least three are pregnant. I don't know if I'm missing some gene or my parents didn't socialize me properly, but the thought of babies fills me with the same feeling I get when its time to clean up my dog's poop in the back yard. There's this one lady who hasn't been working in the lab that long, and frankly she just rubs me the wrong way. I'm not really sure what it is about her, but I find her unbearably pretentious and with nothing to show for it. Especially when she starts bragging about her kid, "my daughter is so smart, she can walk AND talk AND eat cereal with a spoon." Well yeah, she's almost three, I would hope so. But now she's knocked up again and my first thought was "Great, now she'll be twice as boring and three times as annoying." I say three times as annoying because inevitably I'll have to listen to endless hours of pregnancy stories and then all the hens will start clucking away, wanting to chime in and start a whole pissing contest about whose gestastional hemorrhoids were the biggest. It makes me want to take my plastic dining room knife and jab it in my ear repeatedly.