funny in hindsight

To lighten the mood, I've decided to share some embarrassing and occasionally horrifying incidences from my past and yes it is completely okay to laugh.

o In the fourth grade I raised my hand to ask my teacher a question, instead of calling her by name I called her mommy. The whole class laughed and called me mommy for the rest of the day.
o In junior high, we girls decided it was funny to depants one other. Finally my time came, except it wasn't just my pants that came down. At that exact moment, Charlie B. (resident school hottie) was standing outside of the gymnasium and saw the whole thing. He later drew a picture of the whole event on a phone booth just so I wouldn't forget what it all looked like to him.
o In the sixth grade, on a dare, I french-kissed this boy named Martin. He was a white guy who got a perm so he would look like he had a jerry-curl. I threw up immediately after. I didn't kiss anybody again for another six years.
o In my senior year of high school I had hair down to my butt. I also took wood shop. One day, Amy and Susie and I stayed after school to make up for missing school the day before. I was making a beautiful koa bowl on a lathe (you can probably guess where this is going). Susie was working at the lathe behind me and asked me a question. I turned around to answer her and my hair flung out behind me. It got caught in the lathe and the machine literally ripped the hair right out of my scalp. I had a bald spot the size of a golf ball. Luckily I could arrange the rest of my hair so you couldn't see it. I really don't know if anybody in school knew about that other than my small group of friends and my sister. The teacher asked if he could keep the fistful of hair to display, so all the girls would know why he insisted they put their hair up...I said no.
o My very first day of officially being in the Army we were standing in line for breakfast. The guy in front of me smelled something awful and the whole world starting spinning, and then the lights started to dim. I passed out. I later found out that I passed out at the exact moment that they were explaining to us that you shouldn't lock your knees when you stand at attention or at-ease as it most assuredly will make you pass out. Months after that, at a completely new duty station, people would come up to me to ask me if I was that girl that fainted in the chow line. I never once thought to deny it.
o Once in a sleazy bar in DC these totally skeevy guys were trying to hit on me and Stephanie. I played the bitch role and made them leave us alone. I also got way too drunk that night. Later, after the place closed they found me outside puking in an alleyway. It turned out I lived in the same building as one of those guys. He reminded me of this incident every time I saw him.
o Some of you might remember that last semester I dropped a large and still full cup of coffee during a class. Then trying to escape the coffee before it ended up in my lap, I pulled over a desk and ended up falling down. Not the most gracious thing I've ever done...although not the least either.
o In the 9th grade, we all thought it would be fun to cut class and go to Burger King for lunch. While standing in line I felt a big whomp on my shoulder and turned around. There was my dad standing in line behind me. I was horrified and started to cry, a really blubbery ugly cry, in front of all of my friends. Luckily he didn't tell my mom.