paranoid android

Once upon a time I went to a therapist. He made me fill out this questionnaire that somehow deduced what kind of crazy you suffer from. Part of it involved questions that pretty much asked whether or not you were paranoid. As it turns out, I am a little paranoid. Not like super crazy paranoid where I think that the CIA/FBI/NSA are tracing my every move because my mother is a super secret-spy who put a microchip with the plans for the world's deadliest weapon in my skull when I was a baby and the real reason we moved a lot was because the KGB was always plotting to kidnap me and steal my precious secret by cutting open my head and sucking the chip out with a red and yellow striped straw they kept from a McDonalds strawberry milkshake when they were sent to Kansas to train to be the ultimate midwesterner and somehow all of this is why my life sucks. No, instead I'm just mildly paranoid, and mostly in a self-serving way to make myself feel important. For example (thas right...all in bullets):
o I'm not doing very well in my poli-sci class. In fact, I am doing worse in this class than I have done in my entire college career. Today we got back an assignment and my grade totally sucked some stinky ass. But then I noticed that the girl who sits next to me, well her original grade sucked way worse than mine. BUT the professor bumped her grade up to a perfect score (because the original grade is from his grad-student TA). I got no bump, I got just my plain old shitty grade. Immediately I assumed it was because he must not like me. But then I remembered that he doesn't even know who I am, he can't put name and face together. So then I figured out that he doesn't hate ME, he hates my NAME. Something about the way the four-letters are strung together to make my first name, and the fact that my last name is NOT spelled the way people think it should be....I'm convinced, he's lowering my scores because he hates my name...damn you moniker. (and yes I know that this is like a scene in The Jerk)
o I'm also convinced that I am being baited by somebody. And because I'm being baited, I assume it's because this person looks down on me. AND even worse is talking shit about me. Definitely a "K" moment.
o I think my computer is haunted by some paranormal entity that changes my poli-sci assignments and makes them total shite. I've been trying to put my computer in standby at night and when I leave for work or school. I know I put it in standby because I watch the screen go black and I hear the fan shut off. BUT when I get home, or even worse in the middle of the night, the computer comes back on BY ITSELF. Sure, some computer person would chalk it up to some computer glitch, some malfunction on some card or some such computer-talk nonsense. BUT I KNOW that it is a ghost, who chose to haunt me and my laptop because the guy with the CB-radio was probably too dumb to figure out he was being haunted.