heavy

Have you ever had that feeling in the pit of your stomach, you know where it simultaneously feels hollow and yet still feels like the weight of the world in being held in there? I've had this feeling for the last few days, eh who am I kidding, more like the last few months, and I can't seem to shake it. I don't know if it's a reaction to shit gone wrong or a predictor of shit still waiting to happen. In the big scheme of things, the big picture that my dad tells me to look at while he's packing his suitcase for an all expenses paid vacation to Belize, I know things aren't that bad, not really. But I can't let go of this feeling that good things are happening for other people while my life remains relatively stagnant, as if I'm wading in some festering cesspool of my own making. My apathy has become almost debilitating and I've let myself feel shitty for way too long. But I can't figure out where to go from here, all I can think is "okay...so now what?"PS-I did fail those quizzes last week...and not fail as in perform at a lower level than normal...I seriously FLUNKED. The professor literally flung the papers into my hand, probably so as not to hold onto the flaming piles of dung for too long.