addendums to the shitlist

1. Guys who agree with something completely against their ideology.
Because they would like to bang the girl who said it. Just because she's cute doesn't mean you have to pretend she's smart. If you want to lay her that badly, just spike her drink like other guys.
2. Lucky People.
Whoever found the twenty-bucks I lost last night, I hope you choke on the dinner it bought.
3. People who never speak up in class.
But after class they have a mess of opinions, if you're too cowardly to speak up when it matters, then shut your pie hole and keep it shut, it is more cowardly to only have a voice around people who agree with you then to not have a voice at all.
4. Lack of comments.
I like to get comments, it makes me feel like people are actually reading this thing.
5. Foul-ass moods for no reason.
I'm thinking I need to get over myself...I need some meditation and a valium (not necessarily in that order).

this weekend's shitlist

1. Addictions:
LisaM 0 - Cigarettes 1
2. People with pop-ups on their blogs:
If you need a song on your blog, why must you have pop-ups
3. Food Poisoning:
I just don't need that close of a relationship with my bathroom
4. Moral America:
Be concerned about how god is going to judge your own life and stop judging others' lives as well as overlooking real problems we face in this world
5. Yard Work:
Thanks to all the raking, I now have more callouses and popped open blisters than a 13 year old boy who just discovered his dad's stash of Playboys
6. Mandatory Class Attendance:
If you want people to come, then make it more interesting
7. Getting older:
One more day until I hit 29, I feel old and so far fairly unaccomplished
8. Landlords-Landladies:
Always available to pick up the rent check, never around when you need something from them
9. Loneliness:
Self-pity, the worst and most useless feeling EVER
10. Possums:
Stupid huge rat creatures creating unnecessary unease

dinner and a movie

Went to the movies last night and saw "The Motorcycle Diaries." It was a good movie. Its about Che Guevera, revolutionary. The movie is about a cross country trek, the country being South America, that he and his friend make in their younger years (about my age and the general age of the readers here I suspect). I walked out with several thoughts. First, it is one thing to notice injustice in the world but a whole different thing to actually act on it, be productive about it. Is it something within a person that makes them want to do something about rather than just see the problem? Does this something no longer exist, at least in the western world, because we once had a country full of leaders and activists that people would follow to their deaths and now we just have people willing to pursue activist causes as long as they can squeeze the time into their palm pilot schedules. My second thought was that a pair of women could probably not safely motorcycle and hitchhike their way through foreign countries, living off the kindness of strangers, and sleeping in railways and empty tool sheds. Maybe it is the paranoia, ingrained from birth about the dangers of walking around with a vagina. Maybe it really is possible for women to travel by motorcycle across a continent. Third, people just suck way more than they did in the 1950s when apparently they were friendly and helpful and decent. Now you can barely get people to look you in the eye as they pass. Anyway, I know it was a just a movie. If you get the chance, its a worthy watch but don't go sleepy because it is in subtitles.

i'm a quitter

I decided to quit smoking. Yep, after smoking for about a year (after having quit about four years before that) I've had enough retching nasty coughing fits. It has been less than twenty-four hours and I am already salivating at the thought of running off to the quickie-mart and grabbing one last pack. I may have to resort to licking my ashtray if this keeps up. I should have planned this out a little better and quit during the week so I would be busy at work or at school and not thinking about the glorious nicoctine that my body is craving right now. I hate the idea that a 2 1/2 inch cylinder of big, stinky leaves is having this much control over me. I'm glad nobody I know is a "real" smoker, mostly I know part-time smokers who only use the cigarette to balance the beer in the other hand. I probably wouldn't be able to do it if there were cigarettes all over the place.

i forgot to mention

I was checking my blog-stats, because as you are well aware I am a narcissistic megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur. Just like I predicted, somebody was conducting a random search via a search engine and they typed up "chubby dicks." And up popped my poor porno-less blog. I'm starting to feel a little skeevy about what weirdos are looking up dirty words and then checking out this site. One can only imagine what they're doing before, during, and after their search engine cruising.

mood music

I'm really feeling this music and animation right about now.

like my day needed to be worse

Okay, the shock of the day still hasn't worn off and when I left the house this morning, I thought it couldn't get any worse than it already was. OH BUT NO, I WAS DEAD WRONG. I was running a little late and walked into my first class after it had started. So I'm putting my still full venti-coffee on the desk and go to sit down, but I jostled the desk a little too much and the coffee falls over. So I tried to pick it up, catch it before it hit the ground, but somehow only managed to pop off the lid and the caffeine-crack spilled everywhere. Then I tried to stand up and get away from the coffee so it wouldn't get all over my clothes, but my foot managed to find a wet spot and TIMBER, down I go. I feel myself falling so I grab onto the desk, but the leg of the desk gets into the puddle of java and I end up taking it down too. CRASH, BANG, BOOM. The whole class stops and is staring at me, knees to the ground like I'm praying, still clutching a tipped over desk, kneeling in a huge puddle of coffee. FUCK!!! So some people ask if I'm okay but with that "I'm trying so hard not to laugh" look on their faces. I go to wash off and come back with paper-towels and the Professor stops class again to ask me what happened. So all eyes are on me again. The only way it could have been more embarrassing is if I was splayed on my back and pissed my pants at the same time. Oddly enough, this whole thing transpired at the exact moment that Kerry called Bush to concede. A sign of things to come??? (Okay, so I had to throw in some last minute election talk but it was relevant). Henceforth, to about fifteen-twenty people I will always be known as that geek who fell over in class. Fucking great.

oh canada!

So I was right, we still don't know who the president will be. I woke up this morning to find that the fate of the next four years lies in the hands of Ohio. And Ohio is slowly starting to look like the victim of a drive-by shooting...seeping into a pool of red. With a Republican President and a strongly Republican House and Senate, the next four years will be the pivotal swinging of the pendulum back into a REALLY conservative state, or maybe that already happened four years ago. You know, a rise of conservatism after a long period of liberalism is an indicator of the decline of the nation if you believe in Oswald Spengler's whole life-cycle of nations. Anyway, here's hoping that the shit-storm brewing is just my sour grapes filling me with dread. As with my former marriage, I give an oath to not talk about politics anymore, there are better sites by more informed people out there.

democracy inaction

My friend told me a disturbing story. She was working the polls and they shut down at six. They closed the doors and turned people away. Then a doctor shows up and they let him in to vote. What the hell is that about? You can turn away regular folk but not a doctor. If he was so damn busy he should have filed an absentee ballot. So are we only allowing tardiness if your job is respectable enough? I mean this was going to be a red state whether or not this guy cast his vote (assuming he was going to vote Bush, which knowing as many doctors as I have known...I would guess YES). Total vile bullshit.
So did you vote? If the answer is no, then go the hell away and never return (unless you are under 18, not a US citizen, or a felon, then you can stay). If the answer is yes but I voted for Bush, then go to hell (kidding, I swear). I'm so full of anticipation and a little bit of dread, but I doubt the election will be decided tonight.

random self-esteem boosters

Today was an interesting day. I ended up blowing off classes and running some much needed errands. First I went and sold back a bunch of my old CDs. The girl that bought them back kept going on about what a great collection I had and how she couldn't believe I was getting rid of them, cool points abounded. So I had to give them my phone number for whatever reasons companies feel the need to get your number. Before I left she said that she wanted to keep my number for her personal use as well cause she thought I was cool and "culturally aware." Plus since she liked me she gave me more bucks that she was supposed to. Now I know I shouldn't derive self-esteem from others, but damn I felt pretty good when I walked out of that store.
Then I went to Sam's Club to buy tires for my car. The guy that sold me my tires was so damn hot, he made me feel funny in my tummy. Of course he was probably only twelve or so. Well maybe twenty-one, only a few years younger than me but I still felt vaguely Mrs. Robinson about it all. He was luscious, all lips and sinewy muscles. Reooorrr. I'm going to have my tires rotated every week just because it'll give me an excuse to stalk...errrr...see him.
I didn't do anything for Halloween. I bought assloads of candy and only a few kids showed up. Now I'm stuck with a year's supply of Reese's Cups and Kit-Kats. Great, just what I need, another chin. I'm going to take it all into work, too much food temptation and mild depression is not a good combination.
Don't forget to get out and vote. I already cast my absentee ballot.

all signs post to yes

Packers Beat Redskins for 3rd Win in Row
If you don't remember, I posted a while back about the importance of a Redskins loss/Greenbay win. Combined with the Indian mystics, I am developing something that feels a bit like hope.

11/3/04-DAMN YOU PACKERS!!! I CURSE YOU AS BABE RUTH CURSED THE RED SOX, I HOPE YOU NEVER SEE ANOTHER PLAYOFF, NEVER SEE YOUR LOGO ON THE SUPERBOWL MARQUEE. DAMN YOU FOR YOUR FALSE HOPE AND RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD STREAK OF FOOTBALL PRESIDENTIAL PREDICTIONS!!!

cheba hut: where the only thing fried is an occasional customer

As is our usual Friday custom, my friend Katie and I skipped class and went to get lunch. We happened upon a sandwich joint (no pun intended) that had just opened called the Cheba Hut. Our first question was "Do they mean what we think they mean?" So we went inside and yes indeed, it meant EXACTLY what we thought it meant. It was a sandwich shop devoted to Mary Jane, my main thang. Here is a sampling of their menu items:
Hydro-fresh eggplant, parmesan, home-grown marinara, black pepper, provolone cheese
Endo-pastrami, sauerkraut, 1000 island, swiss cheese, and yellow mustard
Pakalolo-smoked ham, hawaiian pineapple, swiss cheese
Afghani (this is what I had)-turkey, jalapenos, and "zippy" pepper jack cheese
Jamaican Red-spicy grilled chicken breast, green bell peppers, jalapenos, black oliver, cheddar cheese

On the bottom of the menu it says "Please, feel free to cross-breed (make up your own). Now the sandwich was okay. It was just your average sandwich place, but what a cool idea. They also had crazy stoner desserts like rice krispie treats and hemp brownies and they weren't cheap with the portions either, the rice krispie treats were the size of a premie baby. They even made a PB&J sandwich. AWESOME!

the great outdoors

Mother Nature is a big ole C-U-Next-Tuesday. Her weather plans are clearly designed to torment me. It rains and rains and the wind blows and blows and leaves fall all over my lawn. Then miraculously, the sun comes out and I think "Now would be a good time to clean up the yard and wash my car." NO SOONER than I get the dog poop off the lawn and the leaves raked and the dust-bunnies growing teeth and spine out of my car, it starts to rain and rain and the wind blows and blows. So my yard and my car look like total crap again. That is it, I'm not doing anymore yard work until all the leaves fall.
I just took Iniki for a walk. I wish I could get as excited about excercise as Iniki. As soon as I pull out his leash he goes ADHD on me. He makes his little monkey noises and runs back and forth between me and the door. Then he jumps at my hand in a vain attempt at lessening the space between the leash and his collar. What is amazing is the fact that he jumps about as high as my belly button and he doesn't stand more than 2 feet off the ground.
While we were walking there were people out doing the suburban yard thing and at one house there was a crew of workers, basically a gringo foreman and his Chicano laborers. Now I don't know much Spanish, but I managed to learn all the important stuff during my brief stint of SoCal residence. The foreman was telling the workers what to do and the workers were talking amongst themselves in Spanish. While I was walking by one called the foreman "Big Mouthed Asshole." The workers all started laughing and the foreman had this confused look on his face and kept asking "What did he say? What did he say?" I laughed the rest of the way home.
Just a quick update: the carnivorous arachnid that attacked my poor defenseless appendage did more damage than I thought. I woke up this morning and my arm was red and hot like two inches away from the bites in all directions. So I popped by the ER and the doctor told me it was infected and gave me antibiotics. He said it probably wasn't a brown recluse bite because it would be a lot worse. Damn spiders...I'm going to burn my copy of "Charlotte's Web."

insert dirty comment here _________

I am not really enjoying my selection of courses this semester. There is one in particular that I really really despise and it met tonight. It is only once a week so we sit there for almost three hours and it is so bad that the undergrads (it is a graduate level course but undergrads can enroll as well) have talked about staging a revolt. Well, I decided that the only way I could keep myself awake and vaguely interested was to devise a devious little plan that I could implement every week. My plan is basically this, every week I will interject some filthy inappropriate language into discussion that could be said in a more academic way. This week was definitely a winner. We were talking about the MTV show "Jackass" and something to do with half-naked go-go dancers. So I said "blah blah blah (academic rhetoric) blah blah blah (homophobia in society) and they probably would think differently about half-naked gay go-go dancers rubbing their balls all over their business suits." That's right...I said BALLS, dirty hairy BALLS instead of a more academic word like testicles. And then the professor reiterated my point later and said balls too. Week one: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

retro crush

I must have a major assignment due because I am watching television and surfing the internet like crazy and that usually signifies some manner of procrastination. I did however see some interesting stuff on the telly.
1. There was an infomercial for something called the ab-board. Basically it is a contraption wherein you fold your body in two to strengthen your abs. While I was watching the informercial it totally reminded me of this thing my grandmother had in her gym (aka the excercise machine graveyard in her garage) when I was little. My sister and I LOVED this contraption. It looked a lot like an old military cot and the function was the same as the ab-board, you lay down with your feet in these holders and arms over your head while you hold onto this bar on top of the cot (very much in an s&m style I might add) and fold yourself up, then release back into a supine position and repeat. Sofie and I would play with this thing for hours. That and Grandma's electronic belt flab-melter that you see in old television shows and her amazing cellulite reducer which was just a cylindrical thing with beaded rolling pins that you rolled your butt back and forth on. Maybe I can make a revamped version of the rolling pin thing and have Body by Jake market it. I tell ya I'll be rich, rich enough to afford the lipo to make it look like that piece of crap actually works.
2. QVC now sells Dooney & Burke bags. I remember when back in the day all they sold were creepy porcelein dolls (now marketed by Marie Osmond) and bad jewelry. We were forced to watch endless hours of QVC (again at Grandma's house) because my aunt was OBSESSED with QVC. I'm amazed at how high end QVC has gotten, they sell expensive make-up and name-brand clothes and even hawk a line by Joan Rivers (well that could be HSN, I get those confused sometimes). Now don't ask me why I know so much about QVC, I swear I only watch it while flipping through the channels. I would NEVER sit down with a bowl of popcorn and watch the Nascar products midnight marathon...NEVER!
3. Seriously, I don't care what all the Asian-American Awareness Groups tell me about negative media representation...I LOVE THE KARATE KID!!! I always cry at the end when Daniel-son raises up in his crane move (if you are older than 23 you know this move...we've all tried it on our siblings and friends but somehow never accomplished the same ass-kicking) and kicks what's his name in the face. We've all thrown "wax-on wax-off" with full-on bad Asian accents randomly into a conversation and laughed heartily when somebody else did too. I can't lie, I loved part II and part III as well, although nothing holds a candle to part I. I used to have posters from BOP magazine of Ralph Macchio on my wall (which I traded my sister for, I think I gave her Kirk Cameron or somebody equally lame in return...oh the power of being an older sister, it can never be replicated).
4. There is absolutely NOTHING on television. I thought I would stay awake to catch Bill Maher on HBO, but it doesn't come on until midnight and I didn't get my nap so I don't think I can make it.
On a side note, I think I got bit by an evil venomous spider. That man-eating arachnid bit me not once but thrice, all along my forearm. I look like I have infected track-marks.
Also, it has become clear to me (yet again) that when I write, the way I hear it in my head is not the same as how people will later interpret it while reading. I think my regular readers (all three of you) know that most of what I write is in an irreverent, tongue-in-cheek, facetious kind of way. But for those of you who don't know me personally and wouldn't know this, I generally don't say anything just for the sake of being a dick. Unless it is something really personal to me (oh just to throw out an example...something like relationships) I'm not being all that serious. So keep that in mind while you are reading (although I doubt the particular readers I am referring to will be back). Seriously, I'm not going to preface or postface (probably not a real word, but work with me) everything with a notation about what is supposed to be funny and what is not...you can figure it out people, that's why god/allah/yaweh/mystical earth mother gave us the brains and monkeys the tails (just for kicks though, that last part is facetious AND irreverent and I'm pretty sure I'm using both words correctly because I looked them up).

drop it like it's hot

In the past few months I have ended two friendships. Not because of anything heinous on either person's part either, just because it seemed like the thing to do. As I think analogies make the best reference points, I think I can utilize finance/investments in these cases. I really felt that I wasn't getting enough return on my investment in these particular friendships. Not that I was invested a whole lot, but somehow it ended up being too much anyway. For a while I thought I should treat these investments/friendships like I would a mutual fund, even though I had the feeling it was tanking I wanted to stick with it and eventually see an overall growth. But after a while, I decided that the risk wasn't worth it, how many times do you let a person hurt your feelings before it is enough...once, twice, ten times, when you finally can't keep track anymore? After the uncomfortable feelings of wondering if I pulled out too soon subside, it becomes clear that there are other investments out there that might be better, maybe even a personal/solitary savings account.
Part of me wonders if maybe my problem with relationships is that I think about them too rationally. Maybe I should stop comparing them to financial portfolios. Clearly my checks & balances version of relationships isn't working out as well as it should. Are there other ways? Should I stop expecting the whole push & pull, give & take version and just settle for the pull & give? I'm stumped.

blog stats

I put a new blogger stat counter on my page a while ago and the cool thing is that it gives stats on what the referral was that led to my blog. I have learned some INTERESTING things.

1. (EDITED because of minor pangs of guilt and a brief brush with sensitivity) Just brief online stalker drive-bys. <--left that because dammit it was a GOOD LINE, witticisms are hard to come by.
2. Moe's Tex-Mex grill must be becoming REALLY popular. A lot of my web-engine searches are things like John Coctosan and Billy Barou, two of their menu items that I mentioned in a previous post. Well haha suckers, I didn't know who they were either so you search my page in VAIN.
3. I had a search from Frank Langella and the movie "Sweet William." But little did they know that when they showed up to my page I was going to call him a dick and say that he kind of sucks now. How's that for a review???
4. Now THIS is the most disturbing search. Somebody went to Yahoo and typed in "intersexed pics." AND MY SITE SHOWED UP!!! I remember talking about intersexed people once but I didn't remember posting any pictures for God's sake. And seriously what was the motivation for the person looking up intersexed+pics? Was it research for a class presentation? Did somebody find out they were having an intersexed child and want to inform themselves? Or did typing "chicks with dicks" seem a little too obvious? Now mark my word, I'll go to my stats one day and see that somebody ACTUALLY looked up "chicks with dicks" and got directed to my site. TSK TSK.

comfortable in my own skin

I desperately want a new tattoo. My general trend is to get one after a major life change and I don't think life changes more than it has lately (yes I know, I swore an oath to not mention the THING). I don't know what I want however, I just know I want it to be a massive undertaking worthy of what I'm feeling inside. I found this website of a tattoo artist in NYC. I have heard of him and seen him on various television shows and in skin-art magazines. Ahhhh, if only I could afford to jet away to NYC and have a custom made tattoo from somebody this amazing. I find myself in the unique position of feeling pangs of jealousy regarding Christian Slater who got a tattoo (not one I would get but every tattoo is personal) from Anil. I should have my friend Sarah design one, she's does great dark art.

c'mon barbie let's go party

I was sent this link by my super-DJ friend Jen(ny). Barbie just gets cooler and cooler as the years go by. She does it all...Doctor, Businesswoman, Model, Mother, President, Astronaut, Military Servicewoman... and NOW Barbie also does other women. The add-ons are great and I have to say that my personal favorite is Diesel Dyke.

somebody explain this to me

Okay, so last night I contacted Paypal to have my name changed (cause I love me some eBay and want to be able to pay in a timely manner to ensure my positive ratings). I have changed it with my banks and my credit card companies with a simple phone call. But NOOOOOO not Paypal, I have to PROVE my name change to them. I need to send them like three different kinds of information. I could see the necessity of this if I ran an online business and got a lot of Paypal payments, but I just buy crap (and I really do mean crap, nothing of value at all) and pay through Paypal. So why all the hubbub bub? I mean if a phone call can change the name on my financial information like the name I'll sign on checks and credit card purchases, then why make a big deal out of stupid crap like Paypal and T-Mobile (I have to visit an authorized dealer to change my name with them). It just boggles the mind, at least MY mind at any rate.
So, it must be a downer to read about this divorce thing all the time on here. Henceforth, I will no longer talk about it unless it is an amusing antecdote or something. Of course I'm not that great about keeping promises or oaths or anything so we'll see how it goes.

i'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair

So the W left about an hour and a half ago with Ee'Poh (one of the dogs in case you didn't know). It was a sad goodbye, if it were a scene from a movie I could guarantee that 83% of the women and 7% of the men would need a hankie. So after he left I became a cleaning tour-de-force, a Pledge, Clorox, and Dirt Devil whirling dervish. I have cleaned things in the house that haven't been cleaned in months. Now everything is sparkling and shiny on the outside. You gotta love avoidance sometimes, you get a LOT done. Except for schoolwork, for some reason I never find myself compelled to do that. If I had a gym membership, I would go punish my body. Last weekend I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," which was a great flick and very timely. I wonder if I would be inclined to do such a thing if it were actually available?

strange days

So I woke up this morning and I was one person and then I got home from school and BAM I am another person. Not a total stranger however, just a person I haven't heard from for six years...LisaM. instead of LisaM.L. Crazy how quickly it all happened. Let's see went to a lawyer last Thursday (OCT 7th), went to the Courthouse Tuesday (OCT 12th), showed up today (OCT 15th) and the divorce decree was in the mail. HOLY SHIT! How insane is that??? Give a mofo some time for closure for god's sake. Anyway, the W leaves tomorrow with Ee'Poh. Sad sad.

chaucer is my daddy

My life is a satire. So the W is supposed to be leaving today, they came and picked up his stuff yesterday, we were sad and sniveling and preparing...THEN BAM he falls off this gerry-rigged landing outside of the shed trying to do some last minute "honey-do" bullshit and falls flat on his back. Four hours after that we are calling an ambulance and going to the ER. He sprained/strained some muscles and pinched some of the sciatic nerves. FUN, when I hurt my back years ago keeping a patient from falling, I couldn't even sit on the toilet for two days. At any rate he certainly can't do an 8-hr road trip and won't be leaving until Saturday or Sunday now. Ohhhhh, life and all its complications, if I could right about now, I would give life the finger.

this isn't your mom's ms. magazine

I finally got my first issue of Bust Magazine. It freakin' took forever. I subscribed in like June but then I had to wait for the fall issue to come out and then it took a while to get my magazine. It is a pretty cool magazine, this issue has PJ Harvey on the cover. Bust definitely has a Riotgrrl kind of vibe. Of course bust.com is where I discovered the notorious vegan porno site and lo and behold on page 131...an ad for vegporn.com the "first and only adult site made by fun and frisky vegetarians and vegans!" Apparently they are also introducing "vegsexshop.com with sexy vegan and natural products." Yeah you know what, I haven't visited the site yet but seriously you can't fool me, I can get a cucumber at Kroeger and won't have to pay the shipping fees. Geez man, vegan/natural sex shop stuff...WTF!!!

too much of a coincidence?

So now that we are all on the same page about the quick demise of my wedded un-bliss, I have started thinking about the seemingly large number of relationships that have ended this year. Let's see at work I am one of four couples who are divorced or divorcing. Of my friends, I found out a few days ago that one marriage is in serious peril. My friend broke up with a long-term partner recently. A girl who I was class-friends with was in the midst of a separation the last time I talked to her (I don't know what the status is now, but I doubt they worked it out). Another friend split with her husband earlier in the year. Plus I hear the phrase "That's it, it is OVER" a lot. So what the hell is the deal here? Are the moons and planets lined up just so this year so that relationships are ending at really high rate? Is there so much stress in the world right now that it is impossible to hold a relationship together? Am I the grim-reaper of relationships (I actually like this idea, the idea of this much POWER gives me a metaphorical woody)? It seems strange that this relationship combustion seems to be happening all at once. On a side note, I need to go shopping and buy a divorce outfit. I need something to wear to court. Of course I don't want to go spend a lot of dough because frankly I will probably want to burn the outfit when I'm done with it...I wonder if they have a court-friendly section at Wal-mart or Target?

smartypants

So I was checking out the Intertel and Mensa websites to see what the qualifications are for being a certified super smart genius. I think my dad told me once that I tested out pretty high on an IQ test once, but that could be a figment of my imagination...I am convinced that sometimes I make up my own memories. But at any rate I don't have any documentation of such testing and other than online tests I really have no idea what my IQ is. However, according to the SAT and Army GT score standard, I am SO not Intertel material. My ACTs would make me a Mensa candidate but I took them during the N/A timeframe. But in the long run it doesn't really matter whether or not I am smart enough for these groups because there is a guy at work who is a member a Mensa and he has the social skills of Rainman and frankly he has an uncanny resemblance to Dexter from Dexter's Lab.

downward spiral

So, the official part of the split has begun. Who knew how labor intensive it would be? Certainly not me. So much paperwork, stacks upon stacks of things I have to do within the next seven business days...much of it to be completed by next Tuesday. My checklist is long and ardous and every check makes part of me die just a little bit. Still haven't really officially told anybody other than my parents and a very limited number of people at school. What surprises me is that people are surprised...but then again I was a little surprised myself so I can't hold it against anybody. My mother is going to tell my brother and sister, I guess that makes me a coward for not facing my own firing squad. I still haven't written the email and I don't know when I'll get around to it, I probably should do it because it must be weird for people to read it here. The thing that amazes me about this whole thing is how fast it all is, when there is no property or children involved you can be dissoluted within a month...imagine that, one little month, thirty short days can legally wipe out six years and turn it into some dream I have just awoken from. I believe that I am in a denial stage and I know it, I want to stay here as long as possible because I dread moving into a stage of reality and acceptance and the emotional rape that I will inevitably suffer. I feel like I may be the saddest little girl on the planet.

and so the other shoe goes drop

Well, the day has finally come. I've been anticapating it for the last year or so, but somehow I still managed to be surprised at the thought that I will soon be Lisa M. again instead of the Lisa M.L. I have been for the last six years. The other has gotten a job out of state and rather than go for the Hail Mary, one final last ditch effort at making it work, we decided to just get all Nike about it and just do it. Yes, I am talking about the big D, the D that makes me a 1 out of 2 statistic. The weird thing is that I'm not having much trouble writing this situation onto some vaguely anonymous strip of cyberspace, but I have started and restarted an email to my friends and family and haven't been able to finish it, much less press send. So those of you that read it here and not from me personally, I just couldn't do it in a personal tete-a-tete kind of way. For some reason that hurts a lot more. Besides I don't know how many times I can listen to "Time heals all wounds" "You're better off" "Are you okay? How are you really doing?" "If you need anything, I'm here for you" before I lose my mind. Not that I don't want to hear those things, I think I can't hear those things right now. My wound is fresh, a gaping and glistening scrap of mutilated flesh. I know I'll get over it, I have to...but right now I want to get in bed, pull the covers over my head, squeeze my eyes shut, close my hands tight about my ears, and not emerge again until Spring.

moe knows baseball

We went to this place Moe's. It was okay, it tasted a lot like a million other Southwest fast food restaraunts I've been to like Qdobas, Baja Fresh, Maui Taco, etc etc etc. But the kinda cool thing about Moe's is their menu. The names of all the foods are pop culture movie/television references. So here is the list and the ones I know. If you know any others or if I am wrong, let me know in the comments.

Burritos:
Joey Bag of Donuts-I really have no idea
Triple Lindy-Ahhh Rodney Dangerfield's signature dive in Back to School
Homewrecker-uhhhh, I dunno.
Art Vandalay-George Constanza's alter-ego in Seinfeld
Tacos:
The Full Monty-bunch of unemployed blokes who become strippers for cash and promise to show winky and the twins.
The Other Lewinsky-hmmmm, maybe a reference to Monica. If so then putting it in the tacos section is about as subtle as getting hit by a bus.
The Ugly Naked Guy-According to a reader, this is a Friends reference, apparently a nudist neighbor of Monica and Rachel.
Quesidillas:
Sherman Klump-ahhh Eddie Murphy as a fat but lovable college professor whose family wipes out an all-you-can-eat restaraunt.
John Coctostan-somebody told me this was a Fletch reference, but I haven't seen this movie since I was about 10 years old so I'll have to take their word for it.
I Said Posse-I know this is a punchline for a ton of jokes, but isn't it also a quote from Blazing Saddles?
Nachos:
Ruprict-hahaha, Steve Martin plays Ruprict the monkey boy in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, I love this movie.
Billy Barou-A reader clued me in to this one as well, although I'm a little ashamed that I didn't know it. This is a Caddyshack reference, it is the golf club used by the Judge while putting in the final round.
Salads:
Pinky Tuscadero-this name has something to do the Fonz, although for a while I thought it might have been the girl Danny dates in Grease, but that's Cha-Cha.
Close Talker-another Seinfeld reference, although I can't remember if this is better or worse than the low-talker.
Fajitas:
Alfredo Garcia-nope, I got nothing.
Fat Sam-I know this is Fletch reference, I actually do remember that.
Kid's Menu:
Puff the Magic Dragon-a song, a movie, a reference to marijuana...you can choose, although the funniest bit about this is probably from Meet the Parents
Moo Moo Mr. Cow-yeah...I don't know.
Mini-Me-an Austin Powers reference obviously, although in part three we discover that he is better known as tripod.

super fun facts for absolutely no reason

I took out a bunch of questions though because there were a lot and a lot of them were stupid.

name: lisam
birth date: november 9th
birthplace: pusan (or busan), korea
current location: louisville, kentucky (somewhere between hell and chicago)
eye color: dark brown, not much difference between my iris and pupil
hair color: dark brown, with light brown and blond artfully intermingling (thank you aveda)
height: somewhere between 5'7" and 5'8"
righty or lefty: righty, my left arm is only for decoration and balance since it is completly useless and cannot function properly
zodiac sign: scorpio, a water sign that says i was born to be the bitch i am today
your heritage: korean, irish, cherokee (a sign of my impending alcoholism)
shoes you wore today: sandals and then slip-on sneakers for work
your weakness: i take people for their word, in other words i am a SUCKER
your fears: intimacy, failure, embarassing myself
goal you'd like to achieve: travel in ~10 countries in europe, ~4 in asia
your most overused phrase: fuck
your first waking thoughts: is it noon already?
your best physical feature: cho-cho lips baby
your most missed memory: i don't miss my memories because they're always there
pepsi or coke: coke
mcdonald's or burger king: i'm lovin' it
single or group dates: date??? what is this odd word and what does it mean?
adidas or nike: puma
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate...once you go brown...
smoke: secretly...shhhhhhhhh (we are just talking about cigarettes here right?)
cuss: like a sailor raised in a whorehouse next door to the tourette's institute
take a shower everyday: um, i've been known to miss one every once in a while
do you think you've been in love: what is love really?
want to get married: been there done that, and i'm still trying to figure out what the fucking point of that whole institution is
believe in yourself: of course, i am perfect
get motion sickness: yes i am always on the verge of vomitting in any moving object
think you're attractive: i'm as good as it gets
like thunderstorms: yes, the potential for mayhem is always thrilling
ever...
played a game that required removal of clothing: yes i have played this game on many an occassion
if so, was it mixed company: racially, sexually, sexual identitially, speciesally, gonna need more specifics to answer this question
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: so much so that i really don't even know the answer to this question
been caught "doing something": "doing something?" does that mean fucking? i refuse to answer this question until somebody explains in great detail what "doing something" is the euphamism for, seriously was this written by a 14 year old? even i did better surveys than this at that age.

good times, good times

This is my favorite part of my week. Just got off of my 3rd shift and have taken an Ambien so I am nice and pharmaceutically enhanced. I feel calm and relaxed and everything seems so nice and shiny (even though the reptilian hands are back). I wish I felt like this all the time, I would have a completely different life experience...I would be a completely different person. I might be somebody....HAPPY (an inconceivable thought I know). So this is what I am doing while stoned. I managed to figure out all of the correct movie titles by playing it over and over and over until I got the right answer and then writing them down. But for some reason I can't get in to the high score bracket. I think I need to be quicker on the draw.
Did I mention the hot guy at the art fair? I wish I was some hot-ass chick with oodles of sex-appeal so that I could just totally go up to him and turn him into a love slave. But I can't for many many reasons. I'm too shy (which somehow people read as bitchy and aloof), too "big-boned" (which is hard to meet men in general and artsy men are totally into way waifish androgynous girls, if they even like girls in the first place), too uncool (because I don't care what cool is anymore), too abrasive (like an SOS pad used with Comet cleaner), too mean (cause honesty is mean apparently), too tooo toooo tooooo toooooo...reading this you would think I have low self-esteem and that's not true. I have lots of esteem for myself, I think I'm awesome. Its just that I don't have a lot of esteem in how others are going to judge me. But I like me so I don't change and since I don't change others don't like me. It's a full assault on my and their esteem of me. The battle royale has been waging for many years.

art fair

We went to the 48th Annual St. James Art Fair today (totally skipped classes to go but that's another story). It was pretty cool I guess. There was some good stuff and there was some really bad stuff, the majority of it was overpriced. I saw some great bracelets but they cost way too much. I did notice that there was a serious obsession with the vagina and nekkid women (although I guess that has ALWAYS been the case with art). There were several photographers and sculptors who had pictures of and sculptures of orchids and other assorted flowers displayed in such a way as to appear totally genital. It reminded me of an episode of "Sex in the City" where some artist paints Charlotte's puss-ee. But there was no male genitalia obsessed counterpart of pictures and such, which is sad because I enjoy good phallic art as much as I enjoy artistic crotch shots of women. There was this one guy who had a tent whose art was so incredibly different than everybody elses. He had this demented art of big corpulent pigs and creepy looking children's toys. One picture of a pig had a poem:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like Peanut Butter
Do you skate?
I liked his stuff the most, and the artist (or whoever was in the tent) was really hot. So he gets points for not quite fitting into the theme of the rest of the fair but for being sexy as hell. I should have gotten a business card.

sweet homecoming

Yes, it is finally back in my loving arms, my laptop. Oh how I missed it! But it needs a lot of TLC, all my applications need to be reinstalled. I stayed up most of the night fixing iTunes and today we got the stuff I needed for school and virus/ad-ware protection up and running. My puppies are being neglected for this mass of metal. I haven't decided whether to put The Sims back on it though. I haven't played it in a while and it takes up quite a bit of the old hard-drive since I have all the expansion packs (damn those E-bay software pirates and their cheap prices and unreadable Thai packaging and directions)...but I did pay that extra money for the hacks so I can make my naked gay Sims families and my Sims whorehouse (complete with bell-bottom, elevator shoe wearin Pimp who I usually name Rosco). It is a conundrum.

reading is fundamental

I am trying really really hard to finish my weekly readings for my Body and Popular Media class, a women's studies course of course. This week we are reading about pornography. You would think considering my obsession-lite with all things pornographic that I would be totally engrossed in the readings. But alas, leave it to feminist academics to make even porn boring as shit. I mean jesus, it is really DULL stuff, although there was an article that almost valorized Larry Flynt which was interesting, mostly because of the visuals associated with sentences including "gaping-orifices." I wonder the exact point of time when students who probably were just semi-normal turn the tide and become academics? Is there some brain hemorrhaging involved because I am sure that when they were undergrads they didn't write boring vitriolic migraine-inducing essays (vitriolic...good word huh...I had to look it up before I put it in here to make sure it meant what I thought it meant, and frankly it really doesn't but I was impressed I could fit it into a cohesive sentence). I think that before you get your PhD there is a round of electro-shock-therapy before you can receive your credentials. At any rate, let me return to the feminist analysis of the Playboy Pet of the Month...its an analysis of the centerfold spread, the part where the girls write their likes and dislikes...you know the part guys ignore and the part that makes me laugh really hard.

weekend update

Okay, I am still sans computer. It is actually starting to become painful. Not a lot is going on. I had a whole "the L world" marathon this weekend on Showtime On-Demand. That is a really cool show, although the last few episodes had this woman who looks remarkably like a person that I've recently stopped being friends with (haven't REALLY figured out why but that is the enigma of relationships I guess). I'm noticing that sort of trend in my life though, whenever a relationship (no matter the level: friendly or romantic or sexual or etc) ends there are these weird coincidental reminders of that person all over the place. So is there some weird cosmic coincidence going on or am I just pulling these connections out of my ass?
I didn't go to class today, I just couldn't deal with the thought of going there, sitting around a bunch of twenty-year olds who think they know it all and haven't realized that I KNOW IT ALL (hehehe) pretending to be thinking critically about the causes of urban political dependence on the global market economy and what that does to certain racial groups in a society that racializes poverty but never talks about it in terms of class blah blah blah, and then trying to figure out how to say "I live next door to the Chinese restaurant and far from the library" in Mandarin. It is just too much to deal with when certain aspects of my life (other than my great new hairdo) are crumbling around me like some ancient Greek sculpture exposed to too much toxic polluted rain.
I think I need to quit secret smoking (again)...although it hasn't been much of a secret lately. My lungs are starting to protest...I'm pretty sure I coughed up a pleura last night.

hairspray

So today I went and got a new do. I got bangs!!! Now I have the requisite Japanese/Korean girls' haircut...all shaggy and colored and straight. I didn't plan on it, I didn't ask for it, but that is what I have. And you know what...I LOVE IT!!! I feel really fresh right now, and no it didn't involve Massengil. I love how a new do makes you feel kind of different, I have had the same look for at least 2/3rds of my life, and this is the 4th time I've tried bangs. We'll see how long I can stand it this time though. My shortest record: 1 day before I decided to grow it back...my longest 4-5 months.
I have to take back what I said about the "Authorized Service Providers," they are really nice men who are very helpful and I didn't see not one in a bathrobe, that was a past experience though. I actually haven't seen these guys at all because ummm...somebody else dropped it off. I hope I get my laptop back tomorrow. I called them this morning to tell them to save all of my Sims stuff, I don't think it gets any dorkier than that.

broken

SOB, my computer is BROKEN. I had to freakin' take it to an "authorized service provider" which means dirty hairy stinky man in his bathrobe who I wouldn't trust with a dollar much less my computer. I don't even know if this will fix my problem, I may have to start my window's from scratch and lose EVERYTHING in my memory. I have never been so disgusted with Microsoft...stupid stupid stupid service pack. ROT IN HELL BILL GATES!!! I might lose all my music and porno and school stuff cause I don't back up. I swear, I know so many computer people you would think it would rub off on me.

sunny days, sweeping the clouds away

Wow, today is such a beautiful day. I went and walked my doggies for like an hour at the park. I was surprised not a lot of other people were out there doing it. I guess the hurricanes didn't reach all the way up to Kentucky, so that's good. I've gotten the hurricane thing figured out though, I was looking at this map of the 2000 election results...and well I'll just leave it at this...you aren't hearing about any weird Acts of God in Wisconsin.

margaret cho and omas

My mom is an incredibly funny woman, though most people don't get to see that side of her. She is always making me laugh when I talk to her because she is so brutally honest. That is one woman who does not mince words. Sometimes I'm amazed at the relationship I have with my mom now because we didn't have such a great one when I was living at home. But either she is a completely different person now that her kids are grown and my parents are split or I am completely different now that I'm "on my own." But anyway, she's just too funny and its even funnier because people think she is so polite and ________ (fill in the blank with any bad Asian stereotype), but she's a whip. Whenever I talk to her I inevitably think about Margaret Cho's comedy routines. But other than "Assmaster" Margaret's mom has nothin' on my mama.

time keeps on ticking

GRATEFUL KISS- Lance Corp. Shawn Hicks of Arizona gets a kiss from a grateful Iraqi man as they celebrate the arrival of American troops in central Baghdad on April 9th.

What a different different world we live in, just over one year ago this picture was taken. I wonder if pictures like this make war justifiable for some people. Unlike pictures like this.

franken

So what does Stuart Smalley have to say about George W. Bush? Click here to find out.
As usual I stole this link from another site, and I am completely violating online etiquette by not giving credit to the person that posted this link first. I am like the blogger version a person who secretly passes gas in an elevator, totally uncouth and somebody everybody is disgusted with, but nobody knows who do it so they can't do anything about it, except look around accusingly (is that a word?)...accusatorily...with accusation...oh you get the gist.

the internet, a bevy of banality

Sometimes I really have to question the world we live in. Of all the things people could put on the internet, I think this may be one of the stupidest ever. Of course I ended up finding it, but I swear it was a link on a feminist-magazine. My guess is none of the people on this site swallow. Because they are after all vegan, and if they won't drink milk...well you know what I'm saying.

masked man

PUBLIC PROTEST.
Okay, I'm all for protest. Stand up for what you believe in...and the whole
Batman=Superhero--->Superdad reference is kind of cool.
But seriously dude, what is up with the basket enhancement???

infection control

After I came back from the bachelorette party last night (which was fun, the stripper was hilarious...he looked just like an old friend of mine) I was changing clothes. I found this enormous oddly colored lump on my boob. Of course I had just taken an Ambien, so I thought maybe it was just my drug-addled mind playing tricks on me. So I made Will check it out...and yes I definitely had a huge discolored lump on my breast, probably the size of a walnut. So we had to drive an hour to the hospital on Ft Knox at three o'clock in the morning, and of course I'm all loopy from the Ambien. We get there and I was seen really quick, but the doctor was such a jerk. He had the bed-side manner of a drill sergeant. Turns out I have a weird boob infection. How do you get a boob infection???? I mean seriously, they spend most of the day protected, cradled in some poly-cotton blend made to feel like silk...face it, my boobs are spoiled. The thing that REALLY sucked about the situation was insurance. The military insurance runs out on the 24th and the new insurance doesn't start until Oct. 1. So if I had a REAL problem that needed long term treatment, I would be fucked. Because the new insurance wouldn't cover the pre-existing condition. I swear, insurance companies are corporate SATAN.

zuowan.

This morning, after work, and while again under the influence of pharmaceuticals, I started randomly posting comments on other people's blogs. HAHAHAHA, I can't even remember which ones or what I said.
I'm going to a bachelorette party tonight. I don't really know the person for whom the party is being thrown. Would it be wrong of me to do everything in my power to dissuade a total stranger from the headache of marriage?

more ramblings

The voices are back again. Now the conversation is getting interesting.
Oh and its a CB-Radio transmission I'm hearing. Now remember you have to imagine all this in Kuntry-nese.

"You'd like to try to hook up with a guy...oh look at you old queer"
"You seem to know so much"
"You obviously ain't got no kind of life if you're trying to hook up with people over a CB radio station"
"I bet you're a child molester"
"You ain't nothing"
"They call me Heavy D here in J-town" <---OH MY GOD...THEY CALL HIM HEAVY D"Tell 'em he ain't walking over nobody"
"That just shows you ain't got nothing to do, you got no life, probably got no job, probably borrow gas money from your sister to start your Nintendo up"
"I don't think you could do it man, I really don't"
"He ain't gonna do nothing but try to pull a gun out on somebody, you're one of them people that likes to pull a gun on somebody...I ain't getting shot, I'll fight you fist up...You'll take a big fall buddy"
"You'll get bitch-slapped right the fuck back too"
"Dude, you gotta a lot of nerve, I'm just checking my radio out and shit and you're saying to get off my (radio wave? maybe)...yeah whatever dude, you ain't got no kind of idea the shit I can do to you"
"hahahahahahaha....hahahahahhahahahaha"
"Well my situation is, I test my radio...and this cocksucker is telling me to get off his channel, Wild Willy or Wet Willy or whatever he's got"
"Wooooooooooooo, you just mad cause you can't be one yourself" <--Probably called him a redneck...that's my guess.
"Whoever it is in New Albany you don't know what the situation is...until you realize what the real deal is, you might just want to back the fuck outta it"

lather, rinse, repeat

The radio transmissions on my computer speakers are back!!! Now I think I know what it is, I am picking up Nextel walkie-talkie transmissions. This time there was a conversation going on, although I could only hear one end of the conversation and not for long, but this is what I heard.
(Now you have to imagine this in a really country-twang)
"Uh Yeah"
"Whatever"
"Yeah you ain't"
"Betcha ain't"
"Don't even give a shit"
"Going to work"...then I lost the transmission for a while.
(Cough Cough) "Ahhhh Ahhhh"

attacked

I found out recently that there was an attack (rape? The article doesn't say, although I heard from somebody there was rape involved) at one of the dorms (not run by the University) at UofL. I'm sure somebody somewhere is probably blaming the girl, somehow, they'll argue, she brought it on herself. I can just hear it now, "Well if they didn't have their door opened it wouldn't have happened." But if somebody is going to use that kind of twisted logic to explain away the incident, then they shouldn't stop there. Maybe we should blame them for having the audacity to have food in their room...I mean people get HUNGRY sometimes and maybe in the state of hunger they are compelled to do crazy things. We should probably blame them too for sleeping, and probably in night clothes like pajamas. Considering the current trend of tank tops with shorts and the fact that many women sleep braless (not me...if I go braless and thanks to gravity my boobs try to strangle me during the night)...they were probably REALLY provocatively dressed, and since men can't control their lustful drives around women just asking for sex...well it was probably a done deal when they got their "Princess" tank top with matching boy-short bottoms at Target. While we're at it we might as well blame them for having vaginas. I mean how dare a woman have a vagina...doesn't she KNOW what its for. Sure, some people might argue its for urinating and child birth...but WE ALL KNOW it is really just a ticking time-bomb, giving off subliminal penis-reception radio waves.

fun fun fun, until daddy takes your t-bird away

Some fun/funny sites:

This reminded me of a time in East Berlin (when there was an East Berlin) and I made a stinky in a public toilet. Not only did it have the poop-saving shelf but the handle for flushing was nowhere near the toilet. I stayed in that bathroom for fifteen minutes just trying to figure out how to flush it. Just when I got frustrated enough to just leave with my poo prominently displayed on the shelf, I found the button to flush the toilet. It was like four feet above the toilet located at an elbow bend the plumbing. Thank god I found it because when I finally walked out of the stall there were like three people waiting in queue.

My friend sent me this link. What is it about children's programming that makes me want to drop acid?

Oh those Japanese...always so fashion forward.

Always a classic.

overcoming underachieving

Today somebody told me I was "Sort of mean." (In my own head it sounded a lot like admiration, but whether that is the case...ahhhhhh who am I kidding...what do I care). That comment really sort of bothered me and I made sure I told her about it. "What do you mean SORT OF??? Goddammit, I am completely mean, don't minimize me!!!" Even though to the untrained eye, my bitch-ness seems like a relatively easy thing for me to do...it's not. It takes a lot of effort to be a grade A, possibbly a grade AA, bitch. Sure the catty witticism seems flawless and natural, but having your brain go a million-miles-a-minute to come up with classic one-liners is tiring. But just to prove my uber-bitch status...I out-bitched the biggest bitch at work on Monday (woohoooo)...and he did NOT like that one bit.
Also, I just ate a bunch of tuna salad that I made last night. Am I the only person who thinks food tastes better when it is a leftover? I like my pizza two days old, same with my meatloaf and my tunafish salad. Maybe I really AM meant to be a gypsy, 'cause I love eating food that has been sitting around longer than is necessarily healthy.

can laziness constitute cheating?

I just finished a writing assignment for my Body and Popular Media class. We were supposed to study an institution and analyze the ways in which bodies are gendered in these settings. I whole-heartedly admit, I TOTALLY made my part up. I supposedly (well according to the four page bullshit ramblings I just did) went to the mall and did research, when in fact if you read my post from a few days ago I just went to buy portable iPod speakers and black eyeliner. I don't know what happened, sometime between last semester and this semester I have completely stopped caring about my educational attainment. Maybe I should have taken a vacation between summer and fall classes instead of working in order to revitalize, or maybe I have realized how completely useless my degree is in the "real world" and it is taking some of the fun out of going to school. At any rate, my days as an over-achiever are numbered...I might actually make a B before I graduate at this rate.

political feistiness

"Delegate Josh Kempf wears an elephant hat signifying the mascot of the Republican Party, on the second night of the 2004 Republican National Convention at Madison Square Garden in New York, August 31, 2004."

ELEPHANT HAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That is clearly a big dildo signifying what anybody at the RNC ACTUALLY is...a big dickhead...and I'm not referring to Cheney followers.

a letter to jeb bush

Why does this keep happening to Florida? One hurricane right after the other. While Hurricane-to-Tropical Storm Frances covers Florida only a short while after Tropical Storm Charley kicked its ass, Hurricane Ivan is lurking in the wings barely giving time for a breather in between. I'm sure you're asking yourself "Why me oh vengeful Lord? What haveth I done to deserveth such wrath?" I KNOW WHY!!! Stop trying to mess with the election by preventing only CERTAIN people from voting. And give that Kathleen Harris an Oil of Olay daily facial cleansing pad before that make-up leaks into her blood stream and causes some rare form of Maybelline blood toxicity.
Oh and p.s.-your son is kind of hot, he's not the kid with the drug problem is he?

sharper image, duller clerks

I went shopping yesterday. I probably need to stop because it is turning into an addiction, and mostly they are empty purchases. So I went to The Sharper Image to get the Altec Lansing stand alone speakers for my iPod. They didn't have any in stock, so I opted to have it shipped to my house (luckily it is free). Because I had bought an entertainment book recently (because those breeders at work always have kids selling fundraising stuff, although I do try and only buy from the parents with kids in public school) I was able to use the coupon for The Sharper Image. The coupon in big letters said "$50 off", BUT the fine print said fifty bucks on purchases more than $250.00, ten bucks on purchases less than that. Well I took the time to read the fine print before I went to the store, but apparently the clerk DID NOT read the fine print at the checkout. So I got $50.00 off. WOOOOHOOOOO, 1/3rd of the price tag knocked off by harried, possibly functionally illiterate sales staff. The saddest part was that the sales person was the asst. manager too. Now I REALLY feel like I got to stick it to the corporate man. Incidentally, the only thing left to complete my iPod accessories list is either a Volkswagen or BMW that has an iPod docking station right in the car's stereo system...wonder if I have a coupon for that???
After The Sharper Image, I went to MAC to get some black eyeliner. The clerks there were a bunch of stroppy cows. I don't know what it is about me, but I can never get fucking service at make-up counters, unless there happens to be a gay man at the counter...only THEN do I get service. Somebody told me it was because I don't look like a *ka-ching* customer because I don't wear make-up...but yesterday I had fucking make-up on...gobs of it...only Kabuki actors use more than I had on. So now I think it is because of something else. Either Mexican-looking girls don't get service or fat girls don't get service at the MAC counter by the Vagina Clerks.
**On a side note, the VIVA GLAM advert campaign now has Boy George. How fabulous is that? A big improvement over Elton John if you ask me...Personally I wish Divine was still alive...now SHE would be great in that campaign

creepy

I wonder if they did the original mold in plaster-of-paris like you do in art class or if they went straight for the clay...I mean the person is dead so you wouldn't have to worry about using nostril straws for breathing holes.

blogging under the influence

Just finished working the night shift. It was overall pretty boring, but there was a dose of reality in my night when a person my age of generally good health kicked the proverbial bucket (I will probably get into some major federal trouble for saying this, I'm sure it violates some federal law on...something). SMACK SMACK SMACK, life's giving me a wake up call...HELLO...damn voicemail. That was definitely a DOWNER. So then I came home and popped an Ambien because I drank too much caffeine and would have a hard time sleeping with it being bright and all. The Ambien is definitely starting to work its magik, I can barely type and my computer has a hue that it normally doesn't have, and my hands and fingers look like some weird reptilian claws...they're kinda creeping me out. But this whole experience is making me think of Half-Baked. "Have you ever looked at the stars.....But have you ever looked at them ON WEED?" "Have you ever looked at a twenty-dollar bill on WEED?" hehehehehehe. Unbelievably, I can relate to that tool Rush L.'s frantic need for pharmaceuticals, they're GGREEEEAATTT. I'm not making any sense. In my head, there is an amazing party of thoughts and visions and light shows...but outside of my head is just fucking weird with my reptile hands typing on my clackity-clackity keyboard and nothing making sense. I should probably go to bed. Sleep deprivation rules.

mayhem

That is a monster of a hurricane! Nothing like nature in all its wrath/glory to make you feel really small.

geography 101

Here's a fine way to test your geography skills. I know quite a lot of Asia, most of Western Europe, all of the U.S., and didn't even try some of the others because it would be quite embarrassing. But at least I knew where Afghanistan and Iraq were, unlike most of my fellow compatriots.

memories light the corners of my mind

My friend sent this in an email to me. Then she wrote something like "Hmmmm, I remember seeing something like this before." Except in my case it was just a pair of hands, and a Hyundai not a Volvo. Being nineteen was FUN!!!

start spreading the news

Some pics of New York City during the RNC, well the important part of the city anyway.

guilt

I just dropped a class and I feel very guilty. The professor is one I really like and he has helped me out on multiple occassions. He helped me get my scholarship, he chose me to present at a literature conference, and he is just overall a very very nice man. Now I feel like shit for having dropped his class. But it wasn't what I needed. I decided to take a graduate level class instead, and the class has tons of people I know. Now I feel like a selfish ass-hat. If it were any other professor I would have dropped it with no remorse...but dammit I have some Asian connected guilt going on here. My stomach is in knots. Crap.

r.i.p.

I think last night I almost might have come pretty damn close to my own demise. It all started when I came to a crashing realization. Despite the duck tape, twine, super-glue, and schelack I've been using over the years, my heart has finally shattered into a million tiny crystalline pieces. Not big pieces, not even really big enough to sweep up with a broom and dustpan...no these pieces are so small that you would probably have to use a wet/dry shop-vac on them...so small that they could imbed themselves into your foot if you stepped on them and end up causing a nasty cellulitis-type infection, like the reef does on surfer's feet. So after that crushing, bitch-slap in the face by reality I just kind of laid there in bed. Like fifteen minutes later my body started to have this weird reaction. My tongue started to feel like it was swelling and cutting off my airway, my arms started to feel really huge and heavy, as if somebody had transplanted my arms with the arms of Popeye, and the rest of my body felt small and inconsequential. I almost started to hyperventilate and actually starting thinking to myself that I couldn't fall asleep because I knew I wouldn't wake up the next morning, but somehow I managed to calm myself down. I had to go look in the miror to make sure my tongue and arms were normal sized. After I went back to bed and finally fell asleep, I had these HORRIBLE dreams. In one, a woman was standing over me and getting ready to stab me with this huge ritualistic knife. In another, I was kidnapped and forced into slavery in this weird cult. And so on and so on. Having the feeling of impending doom totally sucks.

another word for humiliation

We went to see a minor league game tonight. It was part of my job's annual family night out thing. Anyhoo, the local team the Louisville Bats got their asses stomped. When we left during the seventh inning stretch it was 8-1 and not in the Bats favor, not surpising considering they were playing the Yankees minor team. It was pretty nice, it looked like it was going to rain but luckily it didn't because then old LisaM would have been giving a spectacular wet t-shirt freebie. During the game, a player was hitting and snapped his bat in two. That's not too unusual except that the bat flew up and backwards and totally tagged a spectactor. I bet that hurt. But is it wrong that it made me giggle? I thought everybody had a sick, mean streak but as I've found out the last couple of days, it might actually just be me. Apparently setting fire to spiders and purposely putting ants into a spider's web to watch them die is considered sick to most other people. WHO KNEW??? Not me, me and my sister used to do it all the time. The hospital provided dinner at the game...I think they might be trying to poison us because I had a burger and now my stomach is...well I guess the best comparison would be something between Iwo Jima and maybe Normandy Beach...total war and chaos with bombs dropping left and right and a high rate of mayhem from mustard gas. Ohhhhh its 9pm, Six Feet Under is on....woohooooo.

good day

I had a pretty good day today. Even though it was hot and humid as hell, and every time I took a step I felt like I was melting into the ground, it still turned out to be pretty nice. I went out to eat with a couple of girlfriends. We went to this restaraunt and I ordered crab cakes, which the waiter assured me were the "best crab cakes in all of Louisville." Well, he lied. Either that of the best crab cakes in Louisville suck. But it was still fun. Then we went and watched Hero, the new Chinese film chock full of Chinese stars like Jet Li, Maggie Cheung, Tony Leung, and Zhang Zhiyi. It was a beautiful film with a beautiful, breathtaking palette of colors and scenery. I really liked it, and towards the end some woman in front of us SOBBED really loud. It made me laugh, but not too hard because soon thereafter I started shedding a tear or two myself, but sans the sobbing. It was nice to get out and enjoy a night out with girlfriends, particularly considering the hell that is the rest of my life.

working man's blues

Well the word is out. The person who(m?) everybody despises, who is normally regulated to one department, is going to start training in my department at the end of September. I had heard on Tuesday during an end of the day quick little meeting but now the word is OUT, so every hour or so somebody would come up to me with a chagrined look to ask if "I had heard the news." There was a definitively somber mood in Chemistry today; nobody talked or laughed, everybody whispering furitively, certain supervisors holding clandestine meetings. For a minute or two I started to get worried that some of us would be getting the boot. But the best part is the department this person is normally in, at every opportunity throughout the day various people came up to me with this smug looks for having escaped the work-torture gods to tell us to "Do everything we could to drive her out." I wonder how long it takes to become the most hated person in any job? I personally have been this person, I was probably the most hated person at my job in Hawaii, well most hated female person anway, but it tooks years of sarcasm, yelling, and general bitchiness for me to climb to and maintain such a coveted position (for there can only be one per office, like the office slut or weirdo or something). But I think the hatred for this current person is far more than I ever could have achieved, I mean people DREAD & LOATHE the mere IDEA of working with her. Lucky for me, I am so completely unmotivated that I never bothered to learn the job they are going to train her do. So LUCKY LUCKY me, I won't ever have the displeasure of training her. WOOOHOOOO!!!! A silver lining in my otherwise craptastic week.

wookie-lite

This is a picture from a website that draws pictures based on spam headers. The title of this one is "Look at me! I have more hair!" This one makes me laugh a lot. It reminds me of a time long long ago when my mom wouldn't let me shave my armpits. Oh the junior high hilarity when I would go to the pool with my friends. My ONLY saving grace was that we lived in Germany at the time so there were other girls with the au-naturelle look.

creep-out moment

So there I am trying to go to sleep and all of the sudden I hear walkie-talkie transmissions. My first thought was that there were cops outside of my house which freaked me out because I haven't done anything illegal in a while. So I went to the computer room to check it out (sans any protective gear like a knife or baseball bat) and looked out the window (yeah stupid I know, I'm like one of those idiots in a horror movie). Nothing outside. Then the voices again (and not the normal voices I hear I might add). All kinds of cb talk "10-4, Roger that, blah blah blah." Turns out that if I leave my computer stereo on, it picks up some short-wave frequency. I couldn't tell what is was though, maybe a taxi-company. But it freaked me out a little.

first day of school

So today was a first day of school. First of all, I couldn't find my first class. I went to one room and looked around and thought "Yeah these people aren't in a political science class" and it turned out to be a weight-lifting class. So I looked it up in the computer and ended up going to another building and another room. As soon as I walked in and saw the professor, I knew it wasn't the right professor, so I had to go to the political science department and find out where my class was. I ended up having to go back to the original building I looked in the first place and FINALLY found my class after running around in the heat and sweating my ass off. Second, I went to another class and somehow ended up not being enrolled, so then I had to go argue about it and get added on to that class. Luckily I know that professor pretty well so he helped me out. Thirdly, I went to my Sociology of Murder class and it was FULL of giggling sorority girls and jocks...and guess which jock was in that class...the same one that was in my summer class and now it looks like he'll be sitting right next to me. During this whole class he and the other sports people were jabber-jawwing away, although there was a whole funny conversation about some guy who put on 25 pounds of muscle and the guy was like "So what did you take to do that, I know its not from working out, better not get caught." I think the teacher for this class will have a hard time controlling it. My Chinese class, which I have summarily forgotten everything from the first year already, is way the hell on the other side of campus and we actually did a lesson today...I mean really who in the hell has class on the first day? Apparently nobody studied over the summer so it was pretty much the Chinese kids doing all the talking. Not that I'm a segregationist or anything but I think if you are taking a foreign language that you already know fluently, well there should be a separate class for those people because they answer all the questions before anybody else has a chance to even think about it, which sucks especially when participation is like 1/3rd of our grade. I clearly have senioritis going on. I think I probably should have taken 500 level classes to be around more of my cohorts and less sophmore silliness, but I was trying to take the shammer, easy way out and now I'll have to pay the price. Also, I'm not sure what it is but so far all of my Chinese professors have had weird little tics. The first one, who I adore, cleared his throat a lot and made this weird throat noise all the time. The second one, Meanie Xianshang, used to laugh all the time, except it was a nervous giggly sort of laugh that drove me crazy. This new professor says yes all the time, except not in context or anything, just periodically throws a yes into the mix every ten words or so. In the long run it doesn't matter because they are the nicest professors around with the best demeanors, I'm just making an observation.

wanna-be techie

I just bought some speakers for my computer. Well actually I went on a whole shopping rampage, but I don't care about the clothes...my basic style is that I'm just trying not to look homeless. But the speakers...now THEY make me happy. iTunes sounds so freaking awesome now with my speakers and subwoofer...I have downloaded some cool stuff (legally of course...it would be completely uncool of me to rip off millionares and keep them from buying more Bentley's and bling). I almost wish I had spent the extra thirty bucks and got the other 20 watts, but the speakers I got totally matched my computer and desk more than the other speakers. Cause despite my best efforts, sometimes my vagina's cosmic compulsion that all things be pretty and girlie overrides all else.

price of silence

When I was in Basic Training, our drill sergeants had these little torture methods if we fucked up or fell asleep or something. They would make us hold two full canteens up, arms parallel to the floor; or they would make us roll pencils in between our thumb and forefinger (back and forth repetitively), again arms parallel to floor; or we would have to hold up rifles, either with arms straight up or parallel to the floor. Now the first few minutes aren't too bad, but then you hit a big fucking wall and it becomes the most painful shit you can imagine. Your arms start shaking and your back goes into this curve that is completely unnatural. And then the same arms that can pull you over a six foot wall suddenly start to weigh about a thousand pounds and you feel like your body is not your own.
That's how I feel about not speaking my mind. Sometimes I want so badly to say something to somebody, but I end up holding my tongue. Now if this person is a repeat offender, I end up holding my tongue a lot under some guise of being nice or respectful or whatever (or maybe because I don't want to hear what they have to say, which makes me a big hypocrite). Anyway, after a while, just like holding up those two canteens of water, my tongue gets so heavy that I am in pain from not letting loose. And then I really start to resent the fact that I can't say what I want to say to certain people. and the complications from not doing so, and well I end up kind of resenting them for it. Seriously, I don't know why people pretend like they just want to hear honesty, or at least no bullshit, but in fact just want you to be yes-men to their denial and delusions.

so much cheaper than 1-900-miss-cleo

These people at Tickle.com are TRULY amazing. Not only did they pick my perfect soulmate, but they picked the PERFECT theme song for me. Anybody who knows me (particularly in a drunken state) knows that I totally LOVE LOVE LOVE this song; and sing and karaoke and lip-synch this song like a drag-queen on crack whenever the opportunity presents itself:

LisaM, your theme song is I Will Survive!

The fiery confidence you normally keep under wraps blazes in your eyes every time your theme song turns on the table. People stand back and wait to be impressed by you, whether leading a project team, or firing up for a girls' night out. You mean business and people look to your leadership because you're so sure of yourself. So whether you're looking fine in the latest styles or throwing a bone to your 70's polyester double-knit blouse, this disco anthem always reminds you that you are true to yourself and are one of the lucky few who recognize that change starts first on the inside. Whether you're in your car, at a party, or on a date, you feel more resilient than John Travolta's acting career when your song comes throbbing through the speakers. Your friends dig you because you've learned to say what's on your mind. Life's too sweet to feel hurt and misunderstood. Yes indeed, with this as your theme song, you don't have to worry about surviving. You're well on your way to succeeding.

dare to wear

Another exciting t-shirt by the people who sell the Rolling Stones t-shirt. Hmmm, I don't really consider myself one of those humourless feminists, but this is kind of fucked up. I think it is supposed to be ironic or facetious or some adjective that describes sarcastic humor, but they probably shouldn't have used the frat-boy model holding a big black baseball bat (don't even get me started into the whole Freudian psychological implications of THAT). Plus what is with that sneer? Ahhh, I only need five minutes with that guy and that baseball bat and I'd change that look on his face really quick like. And I don't mean ass-rape in case that's what you were thinking I was implying, I just mean a straight street-beat down.

capitalism gone wild

Love the idea of a vintage tee but are too lazy to do the whole flea-market/thrift store hunt for it? Well look no further than here for a super-fabu vintage Rolling Stones t-shirt, worn and washed lovingly by its previous owner so that it is in fact "So soft and thin you can see through it." All for the low, low price of $7,800.00, but don't despair shipping is only $4.50 (for damn near eight thou you'd think these cheap bastards would throw in some free shipping, but hey, who am I to judge?).

hot or not?

I think I have mentioned my obsession with porn before. Its true, I watch porn the way that some people watch the news, I find it informative (how to give the best blowjob ever and the importance of shaving the hairs around your brown-eye) and entertaining (double penetration is just too hilarious and the sounds they make...worthy of an Oscar for best musical score) and frankly I marvel at the make-up skills of porn-stars...having even gotten make-up lessons from Asia Carrera. I love all porn: classic 70s porno with the bum-bum-de-dar-nar music, before they learned the how aesthetically pleasing a trimmed bush is, gross out porn with midgets and old ladies and self-fellatio, fetishist S&M porn with candles, latex, and harnesses...I even love gay porno, especially leather-boy porno. BUT THIS...it may very well be the epitome of fan-fiction porno in the written form. There are some twisted people out there.....ahhhhhhhhh my peeps.

PS-got this link from sneeze.com. If you haven't checked it out yet, you should, its really funny.
PPS-as a feminist I know I should ABHOR porno...its my dirty little secret, like an aerobics instructor who secretly eat at Arby's.

who knew christmas came early?

WOW! I just found out that there are HUGE numbers of free music downloads on Amazon.com. And some of the bands I have even heard of AND you can download them onto your hard-drive. Its like somebody up there is just making sure I don't end up paying hefty fines to greedy corporate musicians who drive cars that cost more than most people will make in fifteen years and then actually expect me to have sympathy for them when twelve year old girls download a song for free. Oh hey wait...that was a way angry tangent. Anyway, I can't believe I have more access to free downloads, now I don't have to wait until Tuesdays when iTunes puts out a free song of the week. WOOOHOOO!
P.S.-I'm ready for a new tattoo. I am thinking really hard about what it should be.

watch the birdie

Grrrr, I have had the hardest time accessing this page...thus the lack of updates. Well last night I got to watch badminton on the Olympics (haha, you probably thought I was joking about that, but the joke's on you, I LOVE BADMINTON)...thank god for Bravo...it is definitely up there as far as decent cable programming goes; first Queer Eye , then Boy Meets Boy, then Olympic events utilizing shuttlecocks, I think I am sensing a certain proclivity here. Anyway, the American men's doubles team lost, they got their asses spanked by a team from Denmark...I mean the match was over in like twenty minutes. It is amazing that a sport can be so loved in the ENTIRE rest of the world and only be a backyard barbecue thing for kids and drunk adults here. I love badminton and I always have to explain to people that competitive badminton is so amazing, but people just giggle when I say that...hell even I giggle a little when I say it and I played it competitively.
I also realized why poor people are so damn unhealthy. I have been shopping at Whole Foods and Wild Oats lately, these "healthy"/bourgeois markets where they sell organic shit (amazing how organic and shit always go hand in hand) and vegetarian, and have snob-central stuff like olive bars and grain-fed non-steroidal beef. I love some of the stuff they have and frankly it is SOOOO much better than the 75% off ground beef aisle at Winn-Dixie...but damn it is so expensive. I can spend like fifty bucks easy and only buy enough food to last two, maybe three, days. So I was talking about this with this pretentious woman at work who apparently shops there exclusively and I said that I can't afford to eat like that all the time. So she says, "Well, what is your health worth to you?" And I told her "Hey you know what, I can die healthy or I can die sick, but I'm still gonna die either way, and at least my way I won't have spent all my money on food." Surprisingly she had no comeback for that. Now I just have to figure out a way to spend my cash. I want to take a trip to the UK, start in Ireland and end up in London. I'm almost desperate enough to do it by myself.

my celebrity soul mate

You're probably not one to take the path most traveled. In fact, an independent spirit like you would much rather carve out your own special niche. So it's only natural that your romantic match would be required to do the same.

Someone who's unique, intelligent, maybe a bit serious and brooding is right for the part. An indie actor like Johnny Depp seems best suited for that role. And it only makes sense that you'd rather have your rendezvous at places that are under the radar just like you! So, keep making your own waves in the world. The awards and accolades are sure to follow for you and your celeb soul mate! And even if you don't live in the same reality as your celebrity soul mate, you can still meet someone who's indie close to home. So get moving!

***Soulmate determined by the fine people at tickle.com. How could I argue with something that is so clearly RIGHT!?!?

sturgis pit stop?

I just saw something that was kind of weird. I went to Starbuck's (because I am a corporate coffee crack-whore) and there were a bunch of tricked out Harley Davidson's outside. And when I pulled up there were a bunch of bikers out front drinking frappucinnos and smoking cigarettes. It just seemed really odd to me that these bikers...all decked out in their leather finery and bandanas...who are supposed to be these tough guy outlaws....were drinking frappucinnos at Starbuck's. Of course these weren't the big burly bikers of Hollywood, Hunter S. Thompson, or some gay pornos I've seen, but nonetheless it was definitely a Sesame Street special moment:
One of these things is not like the other
One of these things just doesn't belong
Can you guess which thing is not like the other
(badumbump) Before I finish this song
Doo-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-dooIn hindsight, if I had bigger balls I would have asked them if they were having the lo-carb frappuccinos. And then laughed really hard when they said yes. Now that I think of it they were smoking Marlboro Lights too.

tv time

The Olympics have finally started. After four long years I will be able to watch the only sporting event of any interest to me....table tennis. Something about those Asians ripping tiny balls into a frenzy of speed and movement, using the laws of physics against their opponents. Its enough to make me want to jump out of my Laz-E-boy and actually do....something. Now other people, they watch gymnastics and track and field or diving and the like...but not me, I tune in at 3am when table tennis and badminton are on (usually on a foreign channel like the BBC or Telemundo or the International Channel...because they won't show it on NBC). Its been a long time coming, but its finally here.
They are playing Bend it Like Beckham on HBO. This is probably one of my favorite movies because its cute and British and the coach is hot (although after watching it like twelve times in the last week, I noticed that he seems to be missing a tooth in the right back) and has great eyebrow expressions (but not nearly as fun as Bert & Ernie). You would think I would get tired of it after watching it twice a day (once on regular HBO and then when it reruns on HBOwest) but no...I really love this movie. I am going to pack it all up and move to the UK one day, I'd be there next year if it weren't for their draconian pet import laws.

an apple a day...

Clearly Koko does not have an HMO...because it would take me six months to get all of that done and after co-pays and the percentage that my insurance doesn't cover...well damn I'd be broke. There is something seriously wrong with the world when a gorilla gets better medical care than millions of children. Not that I think its bad they take of Koko, gorillas are probably a lot more interesting than most people I know...at least gorillas only literally fling poo.

guilty conscience???

So today I went and sold back one of my books. I bought it on Amazon for at least half the price of the bookstore and then sold it back to the very bookstore I didn't patronize. But I don't feel the slightest bit guilty because those 300% mark-up mofos can kiss my rear. I also bought next semester's books (at a whopping $260.00) and now have to look at Amazon and half.com to see how much cheaper I can get them. I'm afraid they'll get wise to this one day and stop taking back books that didn't come from them. I just hope they don't get wise for at least another year.
UPDATE: I just saved myself a little over $45.00. Not bad considering I only ended up getting 5 out of the 12 books on half.com and am keeping the other 7. Sounds to me like a perfect opportunity to go take a little visit to iTunes....forty-five downloads....sweet.

lucky ducky

So I have new reason to hate some of my friends, and I come up with reasons often...which is probably the reason I don't have a lot of good friends. One friend went to a filming location of a Cameron Crowe film they were doing in Louisville (which I guess is done now). At any rate after staying there all night and hanging out with a certifiable stalker named Susan, she got to have a conversation with and an autograph from Cameron Crowe, got an autograph from Kirsten Dunst (who apparently does not give a lot of autographs), got two autographs from Orlando Bloom, and a kiss on the cheek from uber-hot dirty gypsy boy. The only celebrity I have met in a while is Kobe Bryant and needless to say I don't brag about that any more. Of course I told her I hated her and called her repugnant names for not inviting me...but alas I may never meet anybody stalk-worthy.

i hate working

Today at work, towards the end of the day we got a little busy. I was trying to help out and make sure a bunch of stuff got done and I ended up doing like five things at once. So the lady I work with says pretty nastily, "Why do you always feel like you have to do everything?" I have to admit I was a little taken aback because here I thought I was helping her out since frankly I've had constipated bowels movements move quicker than her, and she starts accusing me of bogarting all the work. So I was like "Well you were busy and I only meant to do a couple of things but it got busy." But really I don't know why I even needed to justify myself because I was trying to be cool and do some extra work to help people out before I left for the day. Its a total lose-lose situation because if I had left it she would have mentally accused me of leaving all the work for her to do and probably thought I was lazy or some such nonsense...but I do the work and she acts like a bitch. This is the problem with working with people that have kids my age...they always feel the need to parent me like I'm some irresponsible youth.
On a side note, I went to the store to get some cigarettes and I will be the first to admit that I look tore up because I'm in sweats and my hair is all fucked up. But I was wearing my Jackie-O dark sunglasses and unbeknowst to me I had a bug-bite on my head that had bled and smeared all over my forehead. So the clerk was looking at me all strange and I didn't figure out why until I got back in my car and looked in the rear-view mirror. He probably thought I was some abused wife who was forced to go to the store by my spouse-beating husband. Oh well...lesson learned...always look in the mirror before you go into a public place.

how low can you go?

On the front of inevitable demise of my so-called marriage, we went to the movies today and saw The Village. I actually kind of liked this movie, even though I had read a spoiler about the ending long before it came out, and was actually surprised to find out that it had been correct...even though when I read it I thought it was too farcical to actually be true. Anyway, we went and paid separately for the tickets and the candy we snuck in (cause I'll be damned if I am going to pay three bucks for some Milk Duds). Then we sat with the straight males' obligatory "We're not gay so we maintain this extra seat in between us so nobody will be confused" seat where I put my bag and our ill-gotten candy items. I am too emotionally drained to care that much at this point. I think that in a marriage at least one partner needs to be concerned about the well-being of the relationship...in our case we are both so indifferent that it is inevitable that at some point we will go our separate ways. But most of the marriages and relationships that I see are shams anyway, so at least I'm honest in my failure to maintain a committed relationship.

hormoans

I'm going through some weird hormonal crying thing right now. I was watching Yentl (don't ask me why, there wasn't anything else on) and I started BAWLING. Then I was reading a movie review online and again...salt water city. Then I started looking at these pictures of some guy's wedding and the boo-hoos started AGAIN. I don't know what's up. I think I feel really lonely, plus that evil-old hag at work was giving me a hard time again today. Its not PMS. Maybe I am mildly depressed. I need to get stoned or drunk...preferably stoned.

class war

I've noticed this troubling trend at work lately. As with most places we have a sort of hierarchy of personnel: supervisors, techs, phlebotomists, clerks. Well at one time we all ate together during breaks. But then we started to get more Filipino workers, and at some point I guess somebody said something about the smell of their food and not in a..."mmmmm, what's that??" kind of way but more of a...."jesus, what's that?!?!" kind of way (at least that is what Erlinda told me when I asked her why they started to eat at a different table, which I really didn't blame her cause I feel like I need to find somewhere else to eat a lot of times too). So then a lot of the front desk people started quitting and a bunch of new people started coming in. And the new people started sitting with the Filipino ladies at another table. So now during our breaks we have this total classist elitist table arrangement going on...and it bothers me a lot...and I don't think anybody else notices it, which bothers me more, the whole subversiveness of it. So I think I belong at the "other" table, cause they are mostly younger people of color who I would probably relate to a lot more (or maybe not, just being the same age group as other people doesn't automatically imply a connection, and most of the people of color in Kentucky have wholly different experiences growing up as a person of color than I do)...seriously I have nothing to contribute when it comes to discussions of grandchildren, menopause and other older people afflictions, and planning for retirement. But at the same time, it would probably create some tension if I left "our" table for the "other" table cause I have been sitting with these people for three years. Its a conundrum.
On a side note, I almost have enough miles for a free domestic flight. I wonder where I should go...someplace fabulous like San Francisco or Vegas or New York? Someplace relaxing and beautiful and quiet like Telluride? Ah, who am I kidding, I'll end up going to visit my family in Tacoma....maybe I'll save up a few more miles and upgrade to first class. That would kick ass, cause they always sit us fat people together on airplanes, and frankly I could use the elbow room.

curiosity and that stupid cat

So, believe it or not, I am PROCRASTINATING!!! I guess a woman who checked out my blog found me by comparing our interests. So I decided to do that too. And I have discovered some interesting things:
1. I have a LOT in common with adolescent girls and boys--it is a little disconcerting to have the same interests as 15 and 16 year old kids...it makes me feel kind of pervy, like carrying around bags of candy in my dirty brown overcoat by an elementary school.
2. I have a lot in common with emo and goth kids...judging by the pictures, a lot of them have the EXACT same glasses as me too...except the majority of them don't smile, they glare into the camera....SOOOO rebellious.
3. I have a lot in common with gay men. This actually is no surprise to me because I have been a fag-hag for YEARS.
4. I am not nearly as unique as I thought. Granted my interests don't pull up a million pages of blogs, like if my favorite band were N'Sync. But still, there are tons of people in this world and many of them are like me...I even found somebody with a blog title at livejournal.com that was exactly like mine. SIGH.