things to ponder

**First, if Halloween is only once a year, and judging by my calendar OVER, why do people feel the need to continually wear a costume? Why must people about as deep as a well masquerade themselves as somebody knowledgeable? Seriously, just because somebody can say words like "ephemeral" and almost vaguely put it into context doesn't mean they will be any perceived as any smarter.
**Second, how is it that you can give two people the exact same gift and they will interpret that gift and the act of giving that gift completely differently? One person will think it is something nefarious and completely full of bad intentions, and another person will take the gift for what it was meant to be and just be cool with it, maybe even be glad to get it.
**Third, why do people take what little power they have in any situation and make it out to be more than what it is? Does it give them a boner to have some mediocre display of power?
**Fourth, why oh why do people think that getting in the last word or putting in their completely useless two cents somehow makes them right? No amount of revisionist rethinking and retelling of a story will change the fact that everybody but those particular people think they are oh so wrong.
**Fifth, why do I keep continuing this charade of getting a complete worthless degree and acting like it has some value?
Contrary to the tone of this post, I'm not in a bad mood. I'm actually in a pretty good mood. I just watched Chocolat and ate pizza with a true-blue friend. The pizza was surprisingly tasty, Johnny Depp was totally yummy (as only he can be) and frankly today turned out to be a much better day than I ever would have thought when I walked out the door this morning. Now if I could only get my car and cell-phone situation worked out, it might all be a-okay.

frustration

Okay, so it has been about 72 hours since my last cigarette. This was probably not the time to quit either, end of school stuff, work stuff, drama because of certain people...I really should have put off quitting until after the 15th

wedding bells

I went to a wedding last night and it was beautiful. Everything about it was perfect: short ceremony, open bar, great grub. And the couple were so thoughtful about everything, they even had a kid's menu choice of chicken fingers and mac&cheese. So I realized that I have no fancy-pants etiquette. I mean I know more than some, I know the hoity-toity wine ordering and tasting song and dance at restaraunts and I generally choose the right fork (mostly because of a scene in Pretty Woman) for my meal, although I have gotten in actual arguments about which fork is the salad fork. But wedding etiquette, I have absolutely no clue about. I can actually count on one hand the number of weddings I have been to. Most people I know just opt for the court-house with a fancy wedding to following later (which invariably I have moved by the time that one happens). So last night I had to keep asking my friend Katie what to do, did I have to show my invitation to get in the door, do I actually have to wait for the usher to show me my seat, do I have to tip the bartender at the open bar? And the picture taking thing is weird too. In Korea, they do the picture taking days, even weeks, before the wedding and go to some amazing lush location like a park or national monument. It was all very confusing, I must have missed the day in class they taught all this to everybody else...it was probably the day I skipped to go buy comic books instead.

sleep is for sissies

I don't think I have gotten more than eight hours of sleep this holiday weekend in total. Between working and yardwork and hanging out with friends I haven't gotten a good night of shut-eye, either that or I am getting old and requiring less sleep than usual. Maybe I need to get black-out curtains or something, but the lack of sleep has been worth it because I've learned a lot.
1. Pre-teen chick-flicks are still satisfying even today, especially when they are ripped right out of the pages of a John Hughes movie. We watched Sleepover and it was super corny. It had elements of Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink. But we still liked it...probably a lot more than I should admit to! And being a fourteen year old girl in the movies is WAY better than it even was in reality.
2. 3D Pixar movies are AWESOME!!! We watched Polar Express in 3D last night and it was AMAZING. Every time I watch one of those movies I am really impressed at how lifelike they make things and then the 3D just made it incredible. Although I wouldn't suggest sitting too close to the screen, it gave me a headache and a neckache. Also bring some anti-bacterial wipes with you if you are a germ-phobe like myself. They have actual glasses (not the paper one with one blue eye and one red eye from yesteryear) that they give to you when you get there and you return when you leave, somehow I doubt they get cleaned between every use. When we were walking out we did hear somebody say "I thought that movie would have something to do with polar bears," sometimes people are kinda dumb and that is always good for a laugh.
3. My dog is a good litmus test for friendship. People who like him end up becoming good friends; people who don't, eventually those friendships go sour (and not BECAUSE of the dog, it is just a trend I'm noticing). This has been the case for the duration of my puppy's existence. I wonder what that's all about? Are we a world divided into two camps, cat-people and dog-people? What about the people who don't like either, what happens to them? Is there a whole camp of people who hate everything four-legged and furry and is it full of people who suck? Maybe it just boils down to this, Iniki is like my kid, maybe even a reflection of the kind of person I am, so if you don't like him then you can't really like me 'cause we're a package deal.

aftermath

I had a nice Thanksgiving. My friend's family was lovely and I got to see some high school pictures of my friend, which is always fun. No matter how cool you were in high school, looking at pictures ten years later involves just a smidge of shame, after all no amount of protesting "But it WAS IN STYLE" can explain your penchant for Cross Colors or your addiction to rugby shirts (although B. didn't show any signs of these fashion faux paux, he just looked really young). Back to Thanksgiving. I managed to not indulge in most of the seven deadlies, no gluttony for me thanks. Since I was at somebody else's house I had to control my desire to start my own pie-eating contest with me as the only contestant. It was hard though, B.'s mom made home-made pecan pie and it was just too good!!! And Grandma Cathy was a hoot! I can't wait to be back in Washington next year so we can have the first honest to goodness family Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner for the first time in twelve years. How was yours?

lost & found

Today on the way back from the car repair place I decided to drive around get lost for a little bit. I like getting lost, and since I have no sense of direction it is REALLY easy for me to do. You would think it would be harder for me to get lost since I had oodles of map training in the military, but no...everything just ends up looking the same to me and I'm usually contemplating life and why I'm so fascinated with crazy people that I end up inviting them into my life way too often then is necessary for one person, so I don't notice landmarks or anything. But one thing about the suburbs that I hate when getting lost is that you ALWAYS wind up at a dead end. And if not a dead end, then definitely I'll run into a McDonalds. Those are two omnipresent facts of the burbs, going nowhere fast and being subjected to corporate gluttony.

ode to my sister

I got a birthday card (belated) and a Christmas card (super duper early) from my sister today. Being two girls really close in age, we had our moments of wishing we were the only daughter whilst growing up. But now that I've been gone for about ten years now we have a great relationship, I consider her one of my closest friends even though we don't really have a lot in common. So she is getting married, she is finally settling down after years of debauchery and mayhem. I like her fiance, he seems really nice. They are planning on having two weddings, one stateside (a white wedding) and one in Norway (a traditional Indian wedding in Norway, how cool does that sound?). I'm saving up some cash so I can go to Norway because I've never been to a Scandinavian country and I've never been to an Indian wedding. It'll be excitement and new experiences all around. I have to admit though, when I met Sofie's fiance I was a little disappointed. I thought for sure he would be this Indian dude with an accent like the Swedish chef from the muppets. Just the thought of it made me laugh, but he didn't have an accent at all. Maybe some of his relatives will though. Sofie and I decided that it was going to be hard to be serious with all that going on.
PS-the birthday card from Sofie said: Only the good die young, we bitches live forever. Oddly enough this is the second time today I've been called a bitch, but this time it was said by somebody that mattered. Besides, I've never denied being one, in fact I embrace it...I even subscribe to a magazine with that name. As a matter of fact I subscribe to one named BUST too.

reasons to become a hermit

This is going to be a long post so be forewarned.
I was really bored at school today and had a couple of hours to waste so I thought I would drive to Walgreens to get a couple of things. So I'm driving down Eastern Parkway and I see a woman (who is holding her baby daughter) get hit by a car. At first I thought maybe she fell in the street, but no a car actually hit her. I guess she crossed the street on a green light and walked in front of a bus so the driver didn't see her and hit her. So I ended up using my car to block the road so people wouldn't try and drive by while this woman was laying in the road in the middle of a crosswalk. There were a bunch of bystanders and several people called 911 but it took FOREVER for EMS and the cops to show up. When they finally show up the woman who was hit was freaking out (as well she should) and the emergency services are doing their thing. So the family of the hit-lady show up and naturally they are freaking out. One cop, who was in the ambulance (probably getting a statement) starts SCREAMING at the family. And then the cop and the woman's uncle start REALLY getting into it, the cop is SCREAMING and SHOUTING at the guy and threatening to arrest him and it was getting REALLY REALLY UGLY. I mean I know he was "doing his job" but I thought he was being totally inappropriate and it is no wonder that the police have such a bad reputation with the black community. This cop treated the family like shit. The ambulance finally moved and I drove up and since I was a witness I went to pull into a parking lot to walk over there and give the cops my contact information. There I am in the left lane waiting to turn and all of the sudden I hear the screeching of tires. I look into my rear-view mirror just in time to see a truck barrelling down at me and BAM I get rear-ended. It wasn't too bad, but it was hard enough that it popped open my trunk. We're like 1/2 block away from the original accident so I call 911 and the lady on the phone is acting retarded because I told her we were just past Shelby Road instead of Shelby Street. So one of the cops from the first accident pulls up and he files his report. But I didn't even get a copy of that report, I have to go to the police station to pick mine up. All of this was in the space of an hour. So what lessons did I learn today?
1. Don't leave campus, just be bored. Leaving campus and driving around in bad weather is NOT a good thing. I've been in three accidents in the space of two years and they all involved rear-ending (of course one time it was me doing the rear-ending but I must have been on crack that day because I still can't figure out why I hit that guy).
2. Civic responsibility DOES NOT PAY. I was just trying to be a good citizen and give my information to the cops because a. it seemed important and b. it is against the law NOT to do so in Kentucky. In the end the cop didn't even need my number because they had enough witnesses.
3. The cosmic forces of the world don't WANT me to quit smoking. Every time I think I am ready some crap happens.
4. No matter how minor the accident, you end up really shaken up. I bummed a smoke from the guy that rear-ended me and my hands were shaking so badly that I could barely pull out a smoke. That and I smoked a menthol which I hate because it tastes like you are smoking a cigarette and chewing gum at the same time.
BLECH, what a day.

wasted hours

I just watched one horrifyingly terrible movie. I mean, it had so much promise... one of the stars was somebody I was familiar with and have enjoyed his previous films, it was directed by Bertolucci, it was set in France in the late 60s so it had a kick ass soundtrack full of Hendrix and such, there was gobs of male full frontal (no pun intended har-dee-har) but it left me wondering how I was ever going to replace the hour and a half I just wasted (well maybe an hour and a quarter, I fast-forwarded through the last half-hour). That's the thing with independent flicks, you just never know whether it'll be genius or just crap. Not that that isn't the case with block-buster films, but generally you have a modicum of mind-numbing entertainment. Oh well, guess I'll have to go watch White Chicks for my primary amusement instead.

attack of the underwire

I'm trying to finish my laundry tonight as I have to work this weekend and can't be bothered to do anything worthwhile when I have to wake up before the sun even considers rising. Apparently my bras, whilst laying in my hamper, had decided to stage a ruthless and bloody coup against my panties and lingerie bag. When I opened the washing machine, it was a nightmare of gargantuan proportions. Somehow the mercenary attack prongs of my bra clasps had escaped the confines of the lingerie bag netting and there was pure mayhem. Spandex and rayon guts were spilled, elastic bands were ripped from their mothers arms and stretched into oblivion, it was sheer madness I tell you. Now I have the arduous and unfulfilling and prohibitive cost of replacing my underthings. But I might have to consider all-out segregation...no longer will brassieres be allowed to associate with panties willy-nilly...for those brassieres are pure evil. Obviously they think they're better than everybody because of their extra underwire, obviously the extra support they provide has given them some sort of god-complex and now they want to take over the panty drawer. I wonder which one was the ring-leader...was it the flowery blue number? or maybe the sports bra...I always thought that one was too serious and restrictive. All I know is they tried to annihilate my hellokitty target underoos and I tell you what, I won't stand for it, DOWN WITH BRAS! VIVE LE THONG!

the gift that keeps on giving

Overall, being a divorcee sucks. But the sympathy factor and my whoring of my situation have been phenomenally beneficial. I've gotten three, count 'em, three extensions for important class projects. I have missed a LOT of classes and some work because of my "situation." And somehow people get to feeling bad about what I'm going through and invitations for get-togethers flow like liquor at a Catholic wedding. I'm not sure how long I can use my get-out-of-school/work/jail divorce card, but it'll be good while it lasts. Also, divorce somehow magically improves your health. I've lost ten pounds without trying and my cholesterol has improved dramatically, it has dropped like 50 points in the last year which is pretty amazing, a woman I work with has tried every trick in the book to lower her cholesterol (eating cinnamon, almonds, fiber, etc) and hers has only dropped by ten. I guess that is the silver lining in my otherwise cloudy sky.

tkus (total knock ups)

I'm starting to suspect that they are putting fertility drugs in the drinking fountain water at work. No sooner than people start working in our lab, surprise, they're pregnant. This year alone I think five women have given birth, and right now at least three are pregnant. I don't know if I'm missing some gene or my parents didn't socialize me properly, but the thought of babies fills me with the same feeling I get when its time to clean up my dog's poop in the back yard. There's this one lady who hasn't been working in the lab that long, and frankly she just rubs me the wrong way. I'm not really sure what it is about her, but I find her unbearably pretentious and with nothing to show for it. Especially when she starts bragging about her kid, "my daughter is so smart, she can walk AND talk AND eat cereal with a spoon." Well yeah, she's almost three, I would hope so. But now she's knocked up again and my first thought was "Great, now she'll be twice as boring and three times as annoying." I say three times as annoying because inevitably I'll have to listen to endless hours of pregnancy stories and then all the hens will start clucking away, wanting to chime in and start a whole pissing contest about whose gestastional hemorrhoids were the biggest. It makes me want to take my plastic dining room knife and jab it in my ear repeatedly.

dream a little dream

I've always had really weird dreams, I don't know if that's because I'm in touch with my insanity or what, but when I tell people what I've dreamt about they look at me like I'm a hydra. So last night was no different, except I guess I got enough REM sleep to have and remember like three or four crazy dreams. The last one, however, was a doozie. Even I woke up like "HUH?!?! What was that about?" In my dream, I was with my family on vacation somewhere, and they decided that we HAD to go to a No Doubt concert. So being the lovely daughter/sister/aunt that I am, I agreed. So we go to this concert and it wasn't a No Doubt concert at all. It was a concert for a Christian cover band, they did really bad romantic ballads. That's not even the weirdest part, KIRK CAMERON was in the band (he played the harmonica), and he was totally dressed like a mormon missionary, khaki pants, short-sleeve white dress shirt, & skinny black tie except he was wearing those 80s sunglasses, you know the really dark black ones with the thick black plastic rims. Anyway, this concert was a Lollapalooza type of all day affair so there are intermissions and during one intermission the place totally clears out and these dogs come out of nowhere and start chasing this large herd of goats that were apparently kept in the back of the arena. It went on and on like this until I woke up, and somehow I'm pretty sure there was a whole flying sequence (with me flying like superman) and the fate of the earth in our hands kind of scenario but it would take too long to write that out. I also had a dream about Ewan McGregor but that's a whole different story altogether.

too weird to not be true

TOO WEIRD TO BE TRUE.
The strangest thing just happened to me. I signed on the AIM and Yahoo Messenger hoping that somebody would be there to IM and break the monotony of working on this damn paper (almost done, thank god) and I immediately get this message from some random Yahoo stranger saying something along the lines of "Hello maam, I am looking for a dominant woman that I can serve, I'm not just looking to cyber, this is not a joke." So I write back and ask if he's for real and how in the hell did he message me so fast because I just signed on. So he says that he wrote the message when he was offline and I probably got it as soon as I signed on. So I ask him who the hell he was and why the hell was he writing to me, but he didn't answer and that was the end of that. So I checked his profile and he is just some dumb schmuck in Louisville who I guess thought that I would be suitable for his S&M/BDSM inquiries. Here is his profile, what a psycho!!! I mean who does that, just randomly writes to somebody in the hopes that they will dress up in stilettos and leather and be his mistress. Man there are some CRAZIES out there and even online they seem to find me.

oh this pain

What does a kidney stone feel like at first? I mean I know eventually it becomes an excrutiating pain, but how does it start? I have this nagging sort of not-quite-pain in my side and I'm wondering if it is the beginnings of a kidney stone. Frankly I wouldn't be surprised since I drink WAY TOO MUCH coffee and not enough water and I know that is a definite precursor to stone formation. I hope not because the last thing I need is YET another thing keeping me from doing my crap-ass paper. Which by the by is going swimmingly since I decided to just write absolute malarkey since its just a draft anyway. I guess I can try to improve on it later, although truth be told if I just get a passing grade I'll be more than satisfied.
Another class of mine is actually pretty fun. We are doing this whole classroom simulation/mock city council. The role I chose and was assigned is that of the Owner/Operator of an adult book store and massage facility. The massage at this facility is apparently performed by "scantilly clad women" with no licenses or certification, and my joint is called Body Kneads. So there you go, I'm officially a simulated pimp, I don't need the Sims any longer. I bought a t-shirt with this logo to wear on the day we do my issue although I'm afraid I won't get it in time, so as a backup I made this flier. I know, I'm a dork!

swimming in a pool of tadpoles and bullfrogs

I'm back and still procrastinating, although I have managed to read the majority of my references so that's a plus.
I was just emailing a friend and talking about Thanksgiving plans, of which I have none. My dad was talking about coming out but couldn't find a flight and a friend invited me to his family's shindig, but I think I would feel a little out of place. So this somehow got me thinking about the dearth of people my age, particularly single people, in this area. Mostly I meet people younger than myself and people a lot older than myself. This is because I go to college and meet college aged folk and work in a field that has the highest median age of all medical occupations. Don't get me wrong I like all my friends be they younger or older than myself. But even so, you would think I could meet somebody in the Gen-X age range who doesn't have children or other obsessive familial obligations. Where are all the single 27-35 year olds in Louisville and why haven't I met them? Maybe I've just watched too many episodes of Sex and the City and somehow convinced myself that there are groups of single people hanging out, having brunch, and not talking about how their child is the SMARTEST KID EVER because they stopped wiping their poopies on the walls. And not that I'm saying that having a family is a bad thing, hey if you can get that family life to work for you then kudos. I guess I just can't shake this feeling of having this singular solitary existence. Current soundtrack of my life...the Sesame Street theme song:
Somebody come and play
Somebody come and play today
Somebody come and smile the smiles
And sing the songs
It won't take long
Somebody come and play today
Somebody come and play
Somebody come and play my way
Somebody come and rhyme the rhymes
And laugh the laughs
It won't take time
Somebody come and play today
Somebody come with me and see the pleasure in the wind
Somebody see the time is getting late to begin
Somebody come and play
Somebody come and play today
Somebody come and be my friend
And watch the sun 'til it rains again
Somebody come and play today

motormouth

Last night I was watching Vh1, since I am an old lady now and missing the requiste hip-factor to watch shows like "Please god make me look like Brad Pitt," "Turn my piece of crap auto into a car-jacking just waiting to happen," "Soft-core porn designed to look like reality tv," etc etc etc. Vh1 has this new show called Motormouth and the premise is that they get people to drive an SUV with hidden cameras (ala Taxicab Confessions) and film them singing in the car to the radio. The episode I watched was Long Island vs. Louisville. Well wouldn't you know, the girl who wins Long Island is a soul sistah shakin' her groove thang and the winner from Louisville is a big old REDNECK, complete with vaguely inbred physical features, a hick accent, and missing teeth. Way to showcase those stereotypes Vh1, maybe your next episode you can do a Compton vs. Salem show with a gangbanger stopping the singing long enough for a drive-by and a band of witches sacrificing young children in the back seat.
Hmmm, I feel a little weird being in the position of defending this place since I kind of hate it. Maturity blows.

death to star-bux

***Note, this is the second time I am writing this entry because stupid Internet Explorer shut down before I could publish the first one.
The fascist corporate coffee pimp has done it again. Today was such a beautiful day outside that I decided to take Iniki to the park. On the way I decided to go and get a coffee since I have somehow devolved into a surburbanite butthead. So I'm walking out of the store and fumbling for my keys when the lid pops off and SPLASH coffee everywhere. There was coffee running down the side of my car like a waterfall of polluted water, there was coffee on my pants (although not near the crotch so it didn't look like I had an accident), and coffee all over my hands (which are covered in sores thanks to the last time I was motivated enough to do yard work, and needless to say the coffee hit those sores and BURNED like a mother). So I clean up the mess with the environmentally friendly napkins (probably made by third world children for ten cents a week) and wash my hands and head to the park before Iniki has a puppy-sized aneurysm at the exciting prospect of actually leaving the house. Whilst driving I try to pick up the cup for a sip and off pops the top AGAIN, spilling all over my handbrake and drink holders. So in two-three days I expect some major mechanical malfunction because whatever bits and pieces make up my parking break are now covered in coffee/syrup goo. But despite Starbucks' and my bad charma with one another, I will probably be standing in line tomorrow morning ordering one of the few legal addictions I have. Maybe I should start drinking tea?

the edge of reason

I saw Bridget Jones Part II today. And as we walked out we had to check and make sure it was a different movie, it was EXACTLY like part one. But it was still cute and funny and generally worth the matinee movie price we paid. I wondered how they would approach the movie script since they obviously couldn't have Bridget interviewing Colin Firth when he was playing Mark Darcy. But she did end up going to Thailand and getting arrested for drug smuggling (ooops, I guess that could be a spoiler if you haven't read the book). Her prison experience was a lot different than the movie "Broken Down House." Teaching Thai girls to sing Madonna is way different than having roaches crawl into your ear and making you sick. Anyway, cute movie, you'll probably like it if you like the first one since it is an EXACT replica.
Also, today I managed to get over a little bit and that always makes me happy. The other week I ran my tire along a curb trying to get out of this super small parking space. Today I had a flat that a fellow driver pointed out because I'm an idiot and didn't notice. So I went back to Sam's Club (where the hot guy was NOT present) and told them that I didn't know what happened. They chalked it up to a manufacturers defect and gave me a free replacement. WOOOHOOO.

breathe, count to ten

Whew, was I pissed last night. Just rereading that entry makes my blood start to curdle like the two month past the expiration date milk I probably have in my refrigerator. But you know even after sleeping on it and venting and ranting about it a few times, I still don't get it. I'm a pessimist without a doubt, and I've had days of feeling like the whole world was trying to keep me down but when it becomes your whole life's mission to prove that people hate you...well frankly you might as well don the flight suit and hang the "Mission Accomplished" banner because life is full of adversity and there will always be times when it seems like you can't win for losing. Damn man, maybe there will never be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but at least there's a freakin' rainbow. So now I think I need to do a more careful screening of people I consider my friends because I've been bitch slapped with the cold hard truth about the chasm between my values about friendship and other people's far too many times these last few months. Stick a fork in me cause I'm DONE.

twisted perceptions

Okay, you know I can deal with a lot of things. I can deal with people who don't like me, no problem. I can deal with people who get hurt feelings, no problem. I can deal with miscommunication, no problem. But one thing I CANNOT AND WILL NOT DEAL WITH is blatantly false accusations. You know you try not to listen to the hype, try not to let other people's perceptions of a person skew your own opinion, but sometimes I think some people go out of their way to prove that they are in fact the person everybody else told you they were. Okay, I've said before that I am definitely a judgemental person. But even when I try not to let that get the best of me, inevitably it wins out because some people just cannot get over themselves and their small little frame of reference that all people must fit into or perish into the oblivion of people who have upset them. Generally I think I am a pretty good friend, but there is only SO MUCH I will put up with and then I have to cut a person loose because I'm not going to be dragged into the abyss of somebody else's misery, I have my own shit to worry about. Man, I am so ticked off right now and usually I would be all about confrontation about it, but I'm going to give exactly what I got cause the milk is spilled and I'm not crying over it one damn bit.

the final countdown

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I'm 29, the final years before I enter the tail spin known as middle-age. My life is nothing like I thought it would be when I was younger, I don't know if that's good, bad, or generally just the way it is supposed to be.

Iniki wished me a happy birthday AND got me a present too. A big DEAD RAT!!! I cleaned it up and now have to wait a few days to see if I develop the Bubonic Plague.
Katie trying on random old lady hats. We've decided that 80s pillbox hats with feathers and netting you pull over your face really NEED to come back in style.

Me at the start of my glorious day. From here we went shoe-shopping at the Zappos.com's factory outlet store (where all the shoes are 29.95). I got three pair, thanks mom!
"You can't have none of this ass!!"
We had Korean for my special dinner. As you can tell by the hot-plate, we grinded. The only thing left was the squid, we overcooked it and I'm not a big fan unless I'm really in the mood for it. It was Bobby's first time eating Korean, he was a trooper. He ate the kimchee like a champ.

addendums to the shitlist

1. Guys who agree with something completely against their ideology.
Because they would like to bang the girl who said it. Just because she's cute doesn't mean you have to pretend she's smart. If you want to lay her that badly, just spike her drink like other guys.
2. Lucky People.
Whoever found the twenty-bucks I lost last night, I hope you choke on the dinner it bought.
3. People who never speak up in class.
But after class they have a mess of opinions, if you're too cowardly to speak up when it matters, then shut your pie hole and keep it shut, it is more cowardly to only have a voice around people who agree with you then to not have a voice at all.
4. Lack of comments.
I like to get comments, it makes me feel like people are actually reading this thing.
5. Foul-ass moods for no reason.
I'm thinking I need to get over myself...I need some meditation and a valium (not necessarily in that order).

this weekend's shitlist

1. Addictions:
LisaM 0 - Cigarettes 1
2. People with pop-ups on their blogs:
If you need a song on your blog, why must you have pop-ups
3. Food Poisoning:
I just don't need that close of a relationship with my bathroom
4. Moral America:
Be concerned about how god is going to judge your own life and stop judging others' lives as well as overlooking real problems we face in this world
5. Yard Work:
Thanks to all the raking, I now have more callouses and popped open blisters than a 13 year old boy who just discovered his dad's stash of Playboys
6. Mandatory Class Attendance:
If you want people to come, then make it more interesting
7. Getting older:
One more day until I hit 29, I feel old and so far fairly unaccomplished
8. Landlords-Landladies:
Always available to pick up the rent check, never around when you need something from them
9. Loneliness:
Self-pity, the worst and most useless feeling EVER
10. Possums:
Stupid huge rat creatures creating unnecessary unease

dinner and a movie

Went to the movies last night and saw "The Motorcycle Diaries." It was a good movie. Its about Che Guevera, revolutionary. The movie is about a cross country trek, the country being South America, that he and his friend make in their younger years (about my age and the general age of the readers here I suspect). I walked out with several thoughts. First, it is one thing to notice injustice in the world but a whole different thing to actually act on it, be productive about it. Is it something within a person that makes them want to do something about rather than just see the problem? Does this something no longer exist, at least in the western world, because we once had a country full of leaders and activists that people would follow to their deaths and now we just have people willing to pursue activist causes as long as they can squeeze the time into their palm pilot schedules. My second thought was that a pair of women could probably not safely motorcycle and hitchhike their way through foreign countries, living off the kindness of strangers, and sleeping in railways and empty tool sheds. Maybe it is the paranoia, ingrained from birth about the dangers of walking around with a vagina. Maybe it really is possible for women to travel by motorcycle across a continent. Third, people just suck way more than they did in the 1950s when apparently they were friendly and helpful and decent. Now you can barely get people to look you in the eye as they pass. Anyway, I know it was a just a movie. If you get the chance, its a worthy watch but don't go sleepy because it is in subtitles.

i'm a quitter

I decided to quit smoking. Yep, after smoking for about a year (after having quit about four years before that) I've had enough retching nasty coughing fits. It has been less than twenty-four hours and I am already salivating at the thought of running off to the quickie-mart and grabbing one last pack. I may have to resort to licking my ashtray if this keeps up. I should have planned this out a little better and quit during the week so I would be busy at work or at school and not thinking about the glorious nicoctine that my body is craving right now. I hate the idea that a 2 1/2 inch cylinder of big, stinky leaves is having this much control over me. I'm glad nobody I know is a "real" smoker, mostly I know part-time smokers who only use the cigarette to balance the beer in the other hand. I probably wouldn't be able to do it if there were cigarettes all over the place.

i forgot to mention

I was checking my blog-stats, because as you are well aware I am a narcissistic megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur. Just like I predicted, somebody was conducting a random search via a search engine and they typed up "chubby dicks." And up popped my poor porno-less blog. I'm starting to feel a little skeevy about what weirdos are looking up dirty words and then checking out this site. One can only imagine what they're doing before, during, and after their search engine cruising.

mood music

I'm really feeling this music and animation right about now.

like my day needed to be worse

Okay, the shock of the day still hasn't worn off and when I left the house this morning, I thought it couldn't get any worse than it already was. OH BUT NO, I WAS DEAD WRONG. I was running a little late and walked into my first class after it had started. So I'm putting my still full venti-coffee on the desk and go to sit down, but I jostled the desk a little too much and the coffee falls over. So I tried to pick it up, catch it before it hit the ground, but somehow only managed to pop off the lid and the caffeine-crack spilled everywhere. Then I tried to stand up and get away from the coffee so it wouldn't get all over my clothes, but my foot managed to find a wet spot and TIMBER, down I go. I feel myself falling so I grab onto the desk, but the leg of the desk gets into the puddle of java and I end up taking it down too. CRASH, BANG, BOOM. The whole class stops and is staring at me, knees to the ground like I'm praying, still clutching a tipped over desk, kneeling in a huge puddle of coffee. FUCK!!! So some people ask if I'm okay but with that "I'm trying so hard not to laugh" look on their faces. I go to wash off and come back with paper-towels and the Professor stops class again to ask me what happened. So all eyes are on me again. The only way it could have been more embarrassing is if I was splayed on my back and pissed my pants at the same time. Oddly enough, this whole thing transpired at the exact moment that Kerry called Bush to concede. A sign of things to come??? (Okay, so I had to throw in some last minute election talk but it was relevant). Henceforth, to about fifteen-twenty people I will always be known as that geek who fell over in class. Fucking great.

oh canada!

So I was right, we still don't know who the president will be. I woke up this morning to find that the fate of the next four years lies in the hands of Ohio. And Ohio is slowly starting to look like the victim of a drive-by shooting...seeping into a pool of red. With a Republican President and a strongly Republican House and Senate, the next four years will be the pivotal swinging of the pendulum back into a REALLY conservative state, or maybe that already happened four years ago. You know, a rise of conservatism after a long period of liberalism is an indicator of the decline of the nation if you believe in Oswald Spengler's whole life-cycle of nations. Anyway, here's hoping that the shit-storm brewing is just my sour grapes filling me with dread. As with my former marriage, I give an oath to not talk about politics anymore, there are better sites by more informed people out there.

democracy inaction

My friend told me a disturbing story. She was working the polls and they shut down at six. They closed the doors and turned people away. Then a doctor shows up and they let him in to vote. What the hell is that about? You can turn away regular folk but not a doctor. If he was so damn busy he should have filed an absentee ballot. So are we only allowing tardiness if your job is respectable enough? I mean this was going to be a red state whether or not this guy cast his vote (assuming he was going to vote Bush, which knowing as many doctors as I have known...I would guess YES). Total vile bullshit.
So did you vote? If the answer is no, then go the hell away and never return (unless you are under 18, not a US citizen, or a felon, then you can stay). If the answer is yes but I voted for Bush, then go to hell (kidding, I swear). I'm so full of anticipation and a little bit of dread, but I doubt the election will be decided tonight.

random self-esteem boosters

Today was an interesting day. I ended up blowing off classes and running some much needed errands. First I went and sold back a bunch of my old CDs. The girl that bought them back kept going on about what a great collection I had and how she couldn't believe I was getting rid of them, cool points abounded. So I had to give them my phone number for whatever reasons companies feel the need to get your number. Before I left she said that she wanted to keep my number for her personal use as well cause she thought I was cool and "culturally aware." Plus since she liked me she gave me more bucks that she was supposed to. Now I know I shouldn't derive self-esteem from others, but damn I felt pretty good when I walked out of that store.
Then I went to Sam's Club to buy tires for my car. The guy that sold me my tires was so damn hot, he made me feel funny in my tummy. Of course he was probably only twelve or so. Well maybe twenty-one, only a few years younger than me but I still felt vaguely Mrs. Robinson about it all. He was luscious, all lips and sinewy muscles. Reooorrr. I'm going to have my tires rotated every week just because it'll give me an excuse to stalk...errrr...see him.
I didn't do anything for Halloween. I bought assloads of candy and only a few kids showed up. Now I'm stuck with a year's supply of Reese's Cups and Kit-Kats. Great, just what I need, another chin. I'm going to take it all into work, too much food temptation and mild depression is not a good combination.
Don't forget to get out and vote. I already cast my absentee ballot.

all signs post to yes

Packers Beat Redskins for 3rd Win in Row
If you don't remember, I posted a while back about the importance of a Redskins loss/Greenbay win. Combined with the Indian mystics, I am developing something that feels a bit like hope.

11/3/04-DAMN YOU PACKERS!!! I CURSE YOU AS BABE RUTH CURSED THE RED SOX, I HOPE YOU NEVER SEE ANOTHER PLAYOFF, NEVER SEE YOUR LOGO ON THE SUPERBOWL MARQUEE. DAMN YOU FOR YOUR FALSE HOPE AND RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD STREAK OF FOOTBALL PRESIDENTIAL PREDICTIONS!!!

cheba hut: where the only thing fried is an occasional customer

As is our usual Friday custom, my friend Katie and I skipped class and went to get lunch. We happened upon a sandwich joint (no pun intended) that had just opened called the Cheba Hut. Our first question was "Do they mean what we think they mean?" So we went inside and yes indeed, it meant EXACTLY what we thought it meant. It was a sandwich shop devoted to Mary Jane, my main thang. Here is a sampling of their menu items:
Hydro-fresh eggplant, parmesan, home-grown marinara, black pepper, provolone cheese
Endo-pastrami, sauerkraut, 1000 island, swiss cheese, and yellow mustard
Pakalolo-smoked ham, hawaiian pineapple, swiss cheese
Afghani (this is what I had)-turkey, jalapenos, and "zippy" pepper jack cheese
Jamaican Red-spicy grilled chicken breast, green bell peppers, jalapenos, black oliver, cheddar cheese

On the bottom of the menu it says "Please, feel free to cross-breed (make up your own). Now the sandwich was okay. It was just your average sandwich place, but what a cool idea. They also had crazy stoner desserts like rice krispie treats and hemp brownies and they weren't cheap with the portions either, the rice krispie treats were the size of a premie baby. They even made a PB&J sandwich. AWESOME!

the great outdoors

Mother Nature is a big ole C-U-Next-Tuesday. Her weather plans are clearly designed to torment me. It rains and rains and the wind blows and blows and leaves fall all over my lawn. Then miraculously, the sun comes out and I think "Now would be a good time to clean up the yard and wash my car." NO SOONER than I get the dog poop off the lawn and the leaves raked and the dust-bunnies growing teeth and spine out of my car, it starts to rain and rain and the wind blows and blows. So my yard and my car look like total crap again. That is it, I'm not doing anymore yard work until all the leaves fall.
I just took Iniki for a walk. I wish I could get as excited about excercise as Iniki. As soon as I pull out his leash he goes ADHD on me. He makes his little monkey noises and runs back and forth between me and the door. Then he jumps at my hand in a vain attempt at lessening the space between the leash and his collar. What is amazing is the fact that he jumps about as high as my belly button and he doesn't stand more than 2 feet off the ground.
While we were walking there were people out doing the suburban yard thing and at one house there was a crew of workers, basically a gringo foreman and his Chicano laborers. Now I don't know much Spanish, but I managed to learn all the important stuff during my brief stint of SoCal residence. The foreman was telling the workers what to do and the workers were talking amongst themselves in Spanish. While I was walking by one called the foreman "Big Mouthed Asshole." The workers all started laughing and the foreman had this confused look on his face and kept asking "What did he say? What did he say?" I laughed the rest of the way home.
Just a quick update: the carnivorous arachnid that attacked my poor defenseless appendage did more damage than I thought. I woke up this morning and my arm was red and hot like two inches away from the bites in all directions. So I popped by the ER and the doctor told me it was infected and gave me antibiotics. He said it probably wasn't a brown recluse bite because it would be a lot worse. Damn spiders...I'm going to burn my copy of "Charlotte's Web."

insert dirty comment here _________

I am not really enjoying my selection of courses this semester. There is one in particular that I really really despise and it met tonight. It is only once a week so we sit there for almost three hours and it is so bad that the undergrads (it is a graduate level course but undergrads can enroll as well) have talked about staging a revolt. Well, I decided that the only way I could keep myself awake and vaguely interested was to devise a devious little plan that I could implement every week. My plan is basically this, every week I will interject some filthy inappropriate language into discussion that could be said in a more academic way. This week was definitely a winner. We were talking about the MTV show "Jackass" and something to do with half-naked go-go dancers. So I said "blah blah blah (academic rhetoric) blah blah blah (homophobia in society) and they probably would think differently about half-naked gay go-go dancers rubbing their balls all over their business suits." That's right...I said BALLS, dirty hairy BALLS instead of a more academic word like testicles. And then the professor reiterated my point later and said balls too. Week one: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

retro crush

I must have a major assignment due because I am watching television and surfing the internet like crazy and that usually signifies some manner of procrastination. I did however see some interesting stuff on the telly.
1. There was an infomercial for something called the ab-board. Basically it is a contraption wherein you fold your body in two to strengthen your abs. While I was watching the informercial it totally reminded me of this thing my grandmother had in her gym (aka the excercise machine graveyard in her garage) when I was little. My sister and I LOVED this contraption. It looked a lot like an old military cot and the function was the same as the ab-board, you lay down with your feet in these holders and arms over your head while you hold onto this bar on top of the cot (very much in an s&m style I might add) and fold yourself up, then release back into a supine position and repeat. Sofie and I would play with this thing for hours. That and Grandma's electronic belt flab-melter that you see in old television shows and her amazing cellulite reducer which was just a cylindrical thing with beaded rolling pins that you rolled your butt back and forth on. Maybe I can make a revamped version of the rolling pin thing and have Body by Jake market it. I tell ya I'll be rich, rich enough to afford the lipo to make it look like that piece of crap actually works.
2. QVC now sells Dooney & Burke bags. I remember when back in the day all they sold were creepy porcelein dolls (now marketed by Marie Osmond) and bad jewelry. We were forced to watch endless hours of QVC (again at Grandma's house) because my aunt was OBSESSED with QVC. I'm amazed at how high end QVC has gotten, they sell expensive make-up and name-brand clothes and even hawk a line by Joan Rivers (well that could be HSN, I get those confused sometimes). Now don't ask me why I know so much about QVC, I swear I only watch it while flipping through the channels. I would NEVER sit down with a bowl of popcorn and watch the Nascar products midnight marathon...NEVER!
3. Seriously, I don't care what all the Asian-American Awareness Groups tell me about negative media representation...I LOVE THE KARATE KID!!! I always cry at the end when Daniel-son raises up in his crane move (if you are older than 23 you know this move...we've all tried it on our siblings and friends but somehow never accomplished the same ass-kicking) and kicks what's his name in the face. We've all thrown "wax-on wax-off" with full-on bad Asian accents randomly into a conversation and laughed heartily when somebody else did too. I can't lie, I loved part II and part III as well, although nothing holds a candle to part I. I used to have posters from BOP magazine of Ralph Macchio on my wall (which I traded my sister for, I think I gave her Kirk Cameron or somebody equally lame in return...oh the power of being an older sister, it can never be replicated).
4. There is absolutely NOTHING on television. I thought I would stay awake to catch Bill Maher on HBO, but it doesn't come on until midnight and I didn't get my nap so I don't think I can make it.
On a side note, I think I got bit by an evil venomous spider. That man-eating arachnid bit me not once but thrice, all along my forearm. I look like I have infected track-marks.
Also, it has become clear to me (yet again) that when I write, the way I hear it in my head is not the same as how people will later interpret it while reading. I think my regular readers (all three of you) know that most of what I write is in an irreverent, tongue-in-cheek, facetious kind of way. But for those of you who don't know me personally and wouldn't know this, I generally don't say anything just for the sake of being a dick. Unless it is something really personal to me (oh just to throw out an example...something like relationships) I'm not being all that serious. So keep that in mind while you are reading (although I doubt the particular readers I am referring to will be back). Seriously, I'm not going to preface or postface (probably not a real word, but work with me) everything with a notation about what is supposed to be funny and what is not...you can figure it out people, that's why god/allah/yaweh/mystical earth mother gave us the brains and monkeys the tails (just for kicks though, that last part is facetious AND irreverent and I'm pretty sure I'm using both words correctly because I looked them up).

drop it like it's hot

In the past few months I have ended two friendships. Not because of anything heinous on either person's part either, just because it seemed like the thing to do. As I think analogies make the best reference points, I think I can utilize finance/investments in these cases. I really felt that I wasn't getting enough return on my investment in these particular friendships. Not that I was invested a whole lot, but somehow it ended up being too much anyway. For a while I thought I should treat these investments/friendships like I would a mutual fund, even though I had the feeling it was tanking I wanted to stick with it and eventually see an overall growth. But after a while, I decided that the risk wasn't worth it, how many times do you let a person hurt your feelings before it is enough...once, twice, ten times, when you finally can't keep track anymore? After the uncomfortable feelings of wondering if I pulled out too soon subside, it becomes clear that there are other investments out there that might be better, maybe even a personal/solitary savings account.
Part of me wonders if maybe my problem with relationships is that I think about them too rationally. Maybe I should stop comparing them to financial portfolios. Clearly my checks & balances version of relationships isn't working out as well as it should. Are there other ways? Should I stop expecting the whole push & pull, give & take version and just settle for the pull & give? I'm stumped.

blog stats

I put a new blogger stat counter on my page a while ago and the cool thing is that it gives stats on what the referral was that led to my blog. I have learned some INTERESTING things.

1. (EDITED because of minor pangs of guilt and a brief brush with sensitivity) Just brief online stalker drive-bys. <--left that because dammit it was a GOOD LINE, witticisms are hard to come by.
2. Moe's Tex-Mex grill must be becoming REALLY popular. A lot of my web-engine searches are things like John Coctosan and Billy Barou, two of their menu items that I mentioned in a previous post. Well haha suckers, I didn't know who they were either so you search my page in VAIN.
3. I had a search from Frank Langella and the movie "Sweet William." But little did they know that when they showed up to my page I was going to call him a dick and say that he kind of sucks now. How's that for a review???
4. Now THIS is the most disturbing search. Somebody went to Yahoo and typed in "intersexed pics." AND MY SITE SHOWED UP!!! I remember talking about intersexed people once but I didn't remember posting any pictures for God's sake. And seriously what was the motivation for the person looking up intersexed+pics? Was it research for a class presentation? Did somebody find out they were having an intersexed child and want to inform themselves? Or did typing "chicks with dicks" seem a little too obvious? Now mark my word, I'll go to my stats one day and see that somebody ACTUALLY looked up "chicks with dicks" and got directed to my site. TSK TSK.

comfortable in my own skin

I desperately want a new tattoo. My general trend is to get one after a major life change and I don't think life changes more than it has lately (yes I know, I swore an oath to not mention the THING). I don't know what I want however, I just know I want it to be a massive undertaking worthy of what I'm feeling inside. I found this website of a tattoo artist in NYC. I have heard of him and seen him on various television shows and in skin-art magazines. Ahhhh, if only I could afford to jet away to NYC and have a custom made tattoo from somebody this amazing. I find myself in the unique position of feeling pangs of jealousy regarding Christian Slater who got a tattoo (not one I would get but every tattoo is personal) from Anil. I should have my friend Sarah design one, she's does great dark art.

c'mon barbie let's go party

I was sent this link by my super-DJ friend Jen(ny). Barbie just gets cooler and cooler as the years go by. She does it all...Doctor, Businesswoman, Model, Mother, President, Astronaut, Military Servicewoman... and NOW Barbie also does other women. The add-ons are great and I have to say that my personal favorite is Diesel Dyke.

somebody explain this to me

Okay, so last night I contacted Paypal to have my name changed (cause I love me some eBay and want to be able to pay in a timely manner to ensure my positive ratings). I have changed it with my banks and my credit card companies with a simple phone call. But NOOOOOO not Paypal, I have to PROVE my name change to them. I need to send them like three different kinds of information. I could see the necessity of this if I ran an online business and got a lot of Paypal payments, but I just buy crap (and I really do mean crap, nothing of value at all) and pay through Paypal. So why all the hubbub bub? I mean if a phone call can change the name on my financial information like the name I'll sign on checks and credit card purchases, then why make a big deal out of stupid crap like Paypal and T-Mobile (I have to visit an authorized dealer to change my name with them). It just boggles the mind, at least MY mind at any rate.
So, it must be a downer to read about this divorce thing all the time on here. Henceforth, I will no longer talk about it unless it is an amusing antecdote or something. Of course I'm not that great about keeping promises or oaths or anything so we'll see how it goes.

i'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair

So the W left about an hour and a half ago with Ee'Poh (one of the dogs in case you didn't know). It was a sad goodbye, if it were a scene from a movie I could guarantee that 83% of the women and 7% of the men would need a hankie. So after he left I became a cleaning tour-de-force, a Pledge, Clorox, and Dirt Devil whirling dervish. I have cleaned things in the house that haven't been cleaned in months. Now everything is sparkling and shiny on the outside. You gotta love avoidance sometimes, you get a LOT done. Except for schoolwork, for some reason I never find myself compelled to do that. If I had a gym membership, I would go punish my body. Last weekend I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," which was a great flick and very timely. I wonder if I would be inclined to do such a thing if it were actually available?

strange days

So I woke up this morning and I was one person and then I got home from school and BAM I am another person. Not a total stranger however, just a person I haven't heard from for six years...LisaM. instead of LisaM.L. Crazy how quickly it all happened. Let's see went to a lawyer last Thursday (OCT 7th), went to the Courthouse Tuesday (OCT 12th), showed up today (OCT 15th) and the divorce decree was in the mail. HOLY SHIT! How insane is that??? Give a mofo some time for closure for god's sake. Anyway, the W leaves tomorrow with Ee'Poh. Sad sad.

chaucer is my daddy

My life is a satire. So the W is supposed to be leaving today, they came and picked up his stuff yesterday, we were sad and sniveling and preparing...THEN BAM he falls off this gerry-rigged landing outside of the shed trying to do some last minute "honey-do" bullshit and falls flat on his back. Four hours after that we are calling an ambulance and going to the ER. He sprained/strained some muscles and pinched some of the sciatic nerves. FUN, when I hurt my back years ago keeping a patient from falling, I couldn't even sit on the toilet for two days. At any rate he certainly can't do an 8-hr road trip and won't be leaving until Saturday or Sunday now. Ohhhhh, life and all its complications, if I could right about now, I would give life the finger.

this isn't your mom's ms. magazine

I finally got my first issue of Bust Magazine. It freakin' took forever. I subscribed in like June but then I had to wait for the fall issue to come out and then it took a while to get my magazine. It is a pretty cool magazine, this issue has PJ Harvey on the cover. Bust definitely has a Riotgrrl kind of vibe. Of course bust.com is where I discovered the notorious vegan porno site and lo and behold on page 131...an ad for vegporn.com the "first and only adult site made by fun and frisky vegetarians and vegans!" Apparently they are also introducing "vegsexshop.com with sexy vegan and natural products." Yeah you know what, I haven't visited the site yet but seriously you can't fool me, I can get a cucumber at Kroeger and won't have to pay the shipping fees. Geez man, vegan/natural sex shop stuff...WTF!!!

too much of a coincidence?

So now that we are all on the same page about the quick demise of my wedded un-bliss, I have started thinking about the seemingly large number of relationships that have ended this year. Let's see at work I am one of four couples who are divorced or divorcing. Of my friends, I found out a few days ago that one marriage is in serious peril. My friend broke up with a long-term partner recently. A girl who I was class-friends with was in the midst of a separation the last time I talked to her (I don't know what the status is now, but I doubt they worked it out). Another friend split with her husband earlier in the year. Plus I hear the phrase "That's it, it is OVER" a lot. So what the hell is the deal here? Are the moons and planets lined up just so this year so that relationships are ending at really high rate? Is there so much stress in the world right now that it is impossible to hold a relationship together? Am I the grim-reaper of relationships (I actually like this idea, the idea of this much POWER gives me a metaphorical woody)? It seems strange that this relationship combustion seems to be happening all at once. On a side note, I need to go shopping and buy a divorce outfit. I need something to wear to court. Of course I don't want to go spend a lot of dough because frankly I will probably want to burn the outfit when I'm done with it...I wonder if they have a court-friendly section at Wal-mart or Target?

smartypants

So I was checking out the Intertel and Mensa websites to see what the qualifications are for being a certified super smart genius. I think my dad told me once that I tested out pretty high on an IQ test once, but that could be a figment of my imagination...I am convinced that sometimes I make up my own memories. But at any rate I don't have any documentation of such testing and other than online tests I really have no idea what my IQ is. However, according to the SAT and Army GT score standard, I am SO not Intertel material. My ACTs would make me a Mensa candidate but I took them during the N/A timeframe. But in the long run it doesn't really matter whether or not I am smart enough for these groups because there is a guy at work who is a member a Mensa and he has the social skills of Rainman and frankly he has an uncanny resemblance to Dexter from Dexter's Lab.

downward spiral

So, the official part of the split has begun. Who knew how labor intensive it would be? Certainly not me. So much paperwork, stacks upon stacks of things I have to do within the next seven business days...much of it to be completed by next Tuesday. My checklist is long and ardous and every check makes part of me die just a little bit. Still haven't really officially told anybody other than my parents and a very limited number of people at school. What surprises me is that people are surprised...but then again I was a little surprised myself so I can't hold it against anybody. My mother is going to tell my brother and sister, I guess that makes me a coward for not facing my own firing squad. I still haven't written the email and I don't know when I'll get around to it, I probably should do it because it must be weird for people to read it here. The thing that amazes me about this whole thing is how fast it all is, when there is no property or children involved you can be dissoluted within a month...imagine that, one little month, thirty short days can legally wipe out six years and turn it into some dream I have just awoken from. I believe that I am in a denial stage and I know it, I want to stay here as long as possible because I dread moving into a stage of reality and acceptance and the emotional rape that I will inevitably suffer. I feel like I may be the saddest little girl on the planet.

and so the other shoe goes drop

Well, the day has finally come. I've been anticapating it for the last year or so, but somehow I still managed to be surprised at the thought that I will soon be Lisa M. again instead of the Lisa M.L. I have been for the last six years. The other has gotten a job out of state and rather than go for the Hail Mary, one final last ditch effort at making it work, we decided to just get all Nike about it and just do it. Yes, I am talking about the big D, the D that makes me a 1 out of 2 statistic. The weird thing is that I'm not having much trouble writing this situation onto some vaguely anonymous strip of cyberspace, but I have started and restarted an email to my friends and family and haven't been able to finish it, much less press send. So those of you that read it here and not from me personally, I just couldn't do it in a personal tete-a-tete kind of way. For some reason that hurts a lot more. Besides I don't know how many times I can listen to "Time heals all wounds" "You're better off" "Are you okay? How are you really doing?" "If you need anything, I'm here for you" before I lose my mind. Not that I don't want to hear those things, I think I can't hear those things right now. My wound is fresh, a gaping and glistening scrap of mutilated flesh. I know I'll get over it, I have to...but right now I want to get in bed, pull the covers over my head, squeeze my eyes shut, close my hands tight about my ears, and not emerge again until Spring.

moe knows baseball

We went to this place Moe's. It was okay, it tasted a lot like a million other Southwest fast food restaraunts I've been to like Qdobas, Baja Fresh, Maui Taco, etc etc etc. But the kinda cool thing about Moe's is their menu. The names of all the foods are pop culture movie/television references. So here is the list and the ones I know. If you know any others or if I am wrong, let me know in the comments.

Burritos:
Joey Bag of Donuts-I really have no idea
Triple Lindy-Ahhh Rodney Dangerfield's signature dive in Back to School
Homewrecker-uhhhh, I dunno.
Art Vandalay-George Constanza's alter-ego in Seinfeld
Tacos:
The Full Monty-bunch of unemployed blokes who become strippers for cash and promise to show winky and the twins.
The Other Lewinsky-hmmmm, maybe a reference to Monica. If so then putting it in the tacos section is about as subtle as getting hit by a bus.
The Ugly Naked Guy-According to a reader, this is a Friends reference, apparently a nudist neighbor of Monica and Rachel.
Quesidillas:
Sherman Klump-ahhh Eddie Murphy as a fat but lovable college professor whose family wipes out an all-you-can-eat restaraunt.
John Coctostan-somebody told me this was a Fletch reference, but I haven't seen this movie since I was about 10 years old so I'll have to take their word for it.
I Said Posse-I know this is a punchline for a ton of jokes, but isn't it also a quote from Blazing Saddles?
Nachos:
Ruprict-hahaha, Steve Martin plays Ruprict the monkey boy in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, I love this movie.
Billy Barou-A reader clued me in to this one as well, although I'm a little ashamed that I didn't know it. This is a Caddyshack reference, it is the golf club used by the Judge while putting in the final round.
Salads:
Pinky Tuscadero-this name has something to do the Fonz, although for a while I thought it might have been the girl Danny dates in Grease, but that's Cha-Cha.
Close Talker-another Seinfeld reference, although I can't remember if this is better or worse than the low-talker.
Fajitas:
Alfredo Garcia-nope, I got nothing.
Fat Sam-I know this is Fletch reference, I actually do remember that.
Kid's Menu:
Puff the Magic Dragon-a song, a movie, a reference to marijuana...you can choose, although the funniest bit about this is probably from Meet the Parents
Moo Moo Mr. Cow-yeah...I don't know.
Mini-Me-an Austin Powers reference obviously, although in part three we discover that he is better known as tripod.

super fun facts for absolutely no reason

I took out a bunch of questions though because there were a lot and a lot of them were stupid.

name: lisam
birth date: november 9th
birthplace: pusan (or busan), korea
current location: louisville, kentucky (somewhere between hell and chicago)
eye color: dark brown, not much difference between my iris and pupil
hair color: dark brown, with light brown and blond artfully intermingling (thank you aveda)
height: somewhere between 5'7" and 5'8"
righty or lefty: righty, my left arm is only for decoration and balance since it is completly useless and cannot function properly
zodiac sign: scorpio, a water sign that says i was born to be the bitch i am today
your heritage: korean, irish, cherokee (a sign of my impending alcoholism)
shoes you wore today: sandals and then slip-on sneakers for work
your weakness: i take people for their word, in other words i am a SUCKER
your fears: intimacy, failure, embarassing myself
goal you'd like to achieve: travel in ~10 countries in europe, ~4 in asia
your most overused phrase: fuck
your first waking thoughts: is it noon already?
your best physical feature: cho-cho lips baby
your most missed memory: i don't miss my memories because they're always there
pepsi or coke: coke
mcdonald's or burger king: i'm lovin' it
single or group dates: date??? what is this odd word and what does it mean?
adidas or nike: puma
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate...once you go brown...
smoke: secretly...shhhhhhhhh (we are just talking about cigarettes here right?)
cuss: like a sailor raised in a whorehouse next door to the tourette's institute
take a shower everyday: um, i've been known to miss one every once in a while
do you think you've been in love: what is love really?
want to get married: been there done that, and i'm still trying to figure out what the fucking point of that whole institution is
believe in yourself: of course, i am perfect
get motion sickness: yes i am always on the verge of vomitting in any moving object
think you're attractive: i'm as good as it gets
like thunderstorms: yes, the potential for mayhem is always thrilling
ever...
played a game that required removal of clothing: yes i have played this game on many an occassion
if so, was it mixed company: racially, sexually, sexual identitially, speciesally, gonna need more specifics to answer this question
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: so much so that i really don't even know the answer to this question
been caught "doing something": "doing something?" does that mean fucking? i refuse to answer this question until somebody explains in great detail what "doing something" is the euphamism for, seriously was this written by a 14 year old? even i did better surveys than this at that age.

good times, good times

This is my favorite part of my week. Just got off of my 3rd shift and have taken an Ambien so I am nice and pharmaceutically enhanced. I feel calm and relaxed and everything seems so nice and shiny (even though the reptilian hands are back). I wish I felt like this all the time, I would have a completely different life experience...I would be a completely different person. I might be somebody....HAPPY (an inconceivable thought I know). So this is what I am doing while stoned. I managed to figure out all of the correct movie titles by playing it over and over and over until I got the right answer and then writing them down. But for some reason I can't get in to the high score bracket. I think I need to be quicker on the draw.
Did I mention the hot guy at the art fair? I wish I was some hot-ass chick with oodles of sex-appeal so that I could just totally go up to him and turn him into a love slave. But I can't for many many reasons. I'm too shy (which somehow people read as bitchy and aloof), too "big-boned" (which is hard to meet men in general and artsy men are totally into way waifish androgynous girls, if they even like girls in the first place), too uncool (because I don't care what cool is anymore), too abrasive (like an SOS pad used with Comet cleaner), too mean (cause honesty is mean apparently), too tooo toooo tooooo toooooo...reading this you would think I have low self-esteem and that's not true. I have lots of esteem for myself, I think I'm awesome. Its just that I don't have a lot of esteem in how others are going to judge me. But I like me so I don't change and since I don't change others don't like me. It's a full assault on my and their esteem of me. The battle royale has been waging for many years.

art fair

We went to the 48th Annual St. James Art Fair today (totally skipped classes to go but that's another story). It was pretty cool I guess. There was some good stuff and there was some really bad stuff, the majority of it was overpriced. I saw some great bracelets but they cost way too much. I did notice that there was a serious obsession with the vagina and nekkid women (although I guess that has ALWAYS been the case with art). There were several photographers and sculptors who had pictures of and sculptures of orchids and other assorted flowers displayed in such a way as to appear totally genital. It reminded me of an episode of "Sex in the City" where some artist paints Charlotte's puss-ee. But there was no male genitalia obsessed counterpart of pictures and such, which is sad because I enjoy good phallic art as much as I enjoy artistic crotch shots of women. There was this one guy who had a tent whose art was so incredibly different than everybody elses. He had this demented art of big corpulent pigs and creepy looking children's toys. One picture of a pig had a poem:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like Peanut Butter
Do you skate?
I liked his stuff the most, and the artist (or whoever was in the tent) was really hot. So he gets points for not quite fitting into the theme of the rest of the fair but for being sexy as hell. I should have gotten a business card.

sweet homecoming

Yes, it is finally back in my loving arms, my laptop. Oh how I missed it! But it needs a lot of TLC, all my applications need to be reinstalled. I stayed up most of the night fixing iTunes and today we got the stuff I needed for school and virus/ad-ware protection up and running. My puppies are being neglected for this mass of metal. I haven't decided whether to put The Sims back on it though. I haven't played it in a while and it takes up quite a bit of the old hard-drive since I have all the expansion packs (damn those E-bay software pirates and their cheap prices and unreadable Thai packaging and directions)...but I did pay that extra money for the hacks so I can make my naked gay Sims families and my Sims whorehouse (complete with bell-bottom, elevator shoe wearin Pimp who I usually name Rosco). It is a conundrum.

reading is fundamental

I am trying really really hard to finish my weekly readings for my Body and Popular Media class, a women's studies course of course. This week we are reading about pornography. You would think considering my obsession-lite with all things pornographic that I would be totally engrossed in the readings. But alas, leave it to feminist academics to make even porn boring as shit. I mean jesus, it is really DULL stuff, although there was an article that almost valorized Larry Flynt which was interesting, mostly because of the visuals associated with sentences including "gaping-orifices." I wonder the exact point of time when students who probably were just semi-normal turn the tide and become academics? Is there some brain hemorrhaging involved because I am sure that when they were undergrads they didn't write boring vitriolic migraine-inducing essays (vitriolic...good word huh...I had to look it up before I put it in here to make sure it meant what I thought it meant, and frankly it really doesn't but I was impressed I could fit it into a cohesive sentence). I think that before you get your PhD there is a round of electro-shock-therapy before you can receive your credentials. At any rate, let me return to the feminist analysis of the Playboy Pet of the Month...its an analysis of the centerfold spread, the part where the girls write their likes and dislikes...you know the part guys ignore and the part that makes me laugh really hard.

weekend update

Okay, I am still sans computer. It is actually starting to become painful. Not a lot is going on. I had a whole "the L world" marathon this weekend on Showtime On-Demand. That is a really cool show, although the last few episodes had this woman who looks remarkably like a person that I've recently stopped being friends with (haven't REALLY figured out why but that is the enigma of relationships I guess). I'm noticing that sort of trend in my life though, whenever a relationship (no matter the level: friendly or romantic or sexual or etc) ends there are these weird coincidental reminders of that person all over the place. So is there some weird cosmic coincidence going on or am I just pulling these connections out of my ass?
I didn't go to class today, I just couldn't deal with the thought of going there, sitting around a bunch of twenty-year olds who think they know it all and haven't realized that I KNOW IT ALL (hehehe) pretending to be thinking critically about the causes of urban political dependence on the global market economy and what that does to certain racial groups in a society that racializes poverty but never talks about it in terms of class blah blah blah, and then trying to figure out how to say "I live next door to the Chinese restaurant and far from the library" in Mandarin. It is just too much to deal with when certain aspects of my life (other than my great new hairdo) are crumbling around me like some ancient Greek sculpture exposed to too much toxic polluted rain.
I think I need to quit secret smoking (again)...although it hasn't been much of a secret lately. My lungs are starting to protest...I'm pretty sure I coughed up a pleura last night.

hairspray

So today I went and got a new do. I got bangs!!! Now I have the requisite Japanese/Korean girls' haircut...all shaggy and colored and straight. I didn't plan on it, I didn't ask for it, but that is what I have. And you know what...I LOVE IT!!! I feel really fresh right now, and no it didn't involve Massengil. I love how a new do makes you feel kind of different, I have had the same look for at least 2/3rds of my life, and this is the 4th time I've tried bangs. We'll see how long I can stand it this time though. My shortest record: 1 day before I decided to grow it back...my longest 4-5 months.
I have to take back what I said about the "Authorized Service Providers," they are really nice men who are very helpful and I didn't see not one in a bathrobe, that was a past experience though. I actually haven't seen these guys at all because ummm...somebody else dropped it off. I hope I get my laptop back tomorrow. I called them this morning to tell them to save all of my Sims stuff, I don't think it gets any dorkier than that.

broken

SOB, my computer is BROKEN. I had to freakin' take it to an "authorized service provider" which means dirty hairy stinky man in his bathrobe who I wouldn't trust with a dollar much less my computer. I don't even know if this will fix my problem, I may have to start my window's from scratch and lose EVERYTHING in my memory. I have never been so disgusted with Microsoft...stupid stupid stupid service pack. ROT IN HELL BILL GATES!!! I might lose all my music and porno and school stuff cause I don't back up. I swear, I know so many computer people you would think it would rub off on me.

sunny days, sweeping the clouds away

Wow, today is such a beautiful day. I went and walked my doggies for like an hour at the park. I was surprised not a lot of other people were out there doing it. I guess the hurricanes didn't reach all the way up to Kentucky, so that's good. I've gotten the hurricane thing figured out though, I was looking at this map of the 2000 election results...and well I'll just leave it at this...you aren't hearing about any weird Acts of God in Wisconsin.

margaret cho and omas

My mom is an incredibly funny woman, though most people don't get to see that side of her. She is always making me laugh when I talk to her because she is so brutally honest. That is one woman who does not mince words. Sometimes I'm amazed at the relationship I have with my mom now because we didn't have such a great one when I was living at home. But either she is a completely different person now that her kids are grown and my parents are split or I am completely different now that I'm "on my own." But anyway, she's just too funny and its even funnier because people think she is so polite and ________ (fill in the blank with any bad Asian stereotype), but she's a whip. Whenever I talk to her I inevitably think about Margaret Cho's comedy routines. But other than "Assmaster" Margaret's mom has nothin' on my mama.

time keeps on ticking

GRATEFUL KISS- Lance Corp. Shawn Hicks of Arizona gets a kiss from a grateful Iraqi man as they celebrate the arrival of American troops in central Baghdad on April 9th.

What a different different world we live in, just over one year ago this picture was taken. I wonder if pictures like this make war justifiable for some people. Unlike pictures like this.

franken

So what does Stuart Smalley have to say about George W. Bush? Click here to find out.
As usual I stole this link from another site, and I am completely violating online etiquette by not giving credit to the person that posted this link first. I am like the blogger version a person who secretly passes gas in an elevator, totally uncouth and somebody everybody is disgusted with, but nobody knows who do it so they can't do anything about it, except look around accusingly (is that a word?)...accusatorily...with accusation...oh you get the gist.

the internet, a bevy of banality

Sometimes I really have to question the world we live in. Of all the things people could put on the internet, I think this may be one of the stupidest ever. Of course I ended up finding it, but I swear it was a link on a feminist-magazine. My guess is none of the people on this site swallow. Because they are after all vegan, and if they won't drink milk...well you know what I'm saying.

masked man

PUBLIC PROTEST.
Okay, I'm all for protest. Stand up for what you believe in...and the whole
Batman=Superhero--->Superdad reference is kind of cool.
But seriously dude, what is up with the basket enhancement???

infection control

After I came back from the bachelorette party last night (which was fun, the stripper was hilarious...he looked just like an old friend of mine) I was changing clothes. I found this enormous oddly colored lump on my boob. Of course I had just taken an Ambien, so I thought maybe it was just my drug-addled mind playing tricks on me. So I made Will check it out...and yes I definitely had a huge discolored lump on my breast, probably the size of a walnut. So we had to drive an hour to the hospital on Ft Knox at three o'clock in the morning, and of course I'm all loopy from the Ambien. We get there and I was seen really quick, but the doctor was such a jerk. He had the bed-side manner of a drill sergeant. Turns out I have a weird boob infection. How do you get a boob infection???? I mean seriously, they spend most of the day protected, cradled in some poly-cotton blend made to feel like silk...face it, my boobs are spoiled. The thing that REALLY sucked about the situation was insurance. The military insurance runs out on the 24th and the new insurance doesn't start until Oct. 1. So if I had a REAL problem that needed long term treatment, I would be fucked. Because the new insurance wouldn't cover the pre-existing condition. I swear, insurance companies are corporate SATAN.

zuowan.

This morning, after work, and while again under the influence of pharmaceuticals, I started randomly posting comments on other people's blogs. HAHAHAHA, I can't even remember which ones or what I said.
I'm going to a bachelorette party tonight. I don't really know the person for whom the party is being thrown. Would it be wrong of me to do everything in my power to dissuade a total stranger from the headache of marriage?

more ramblings

The voices are back again. Now the conversation is getting interesting.
Oh and its a CB-Radio transmission I'm hearing. Now remember you have to imagine all this in Kuntry-nese.

"You'd like to try to hook up with a guy...oh look at you old queer"
"You seem to know so much"
"You obviously ain't got no kind of life if you're trying to hook up with people over a CB radio station"
"I bet you're a child molester"
"You ain't nothing"
"They call me Heavy D here in J-town" <---OH MY GOD...THEY CALL HIM HEAVY D"Tell 'em he ain't walking over nobody"
"That just shows you ain't got nothing to do, you got no life, probably got no job, probably borrow gas money from your sister to start your Nintendo up"
"I don't think you could do it man, I really don't"
"He ain't gonna do nothing but try to pull a gun out on somebody, you're one of them people that likes to pull a gun on somebody...I ain't getting shot, I'll fight you fist up...You'll take a big fall buddy"
"You'll get bitch-slapped right the fuck back too"
"Dude, you gotta a lot of nerve, I'm just checking my radio out and shit and you're saying to get off my (radio wave? maybe)...yeah whatever dude, you ain't got no kind of idea the shit I can do to you"
"hahahahahahaha....hahahahahhahahahaha"
"Well my situation is, I test my radio...and this cocksucker is telling me to get off his channel, Wild Willy or Wet Willy or whatever he's got"
"Wooooooooooooo, you just mad cause you can't be one yourself" <--Probably called him a redneck...that's my guess.
"Whoever it is in New Albany you don't know what the situation is...until you realize what the real deal is, you might just want to back the fuck outta it"

lather, rinse, repeat

The radio transmissions on my computer speakers are back!!! Now I think I know what it is, I am picking up Nextel walkie-talkie transmissions. This time there was a conversation going on, although I could only hear one end of the conversation and not for long, but this is what I heard.
(Now you have to imagine this in a really country-twang)
"Uh Yeah"
"Whatever"
"Yeah you ain't"
"Betcha ain't"
"Don't even give a shit"
"Going to work"...then I lost the transmission for a while.
(Cough Cough) "Ahhhh Ahhhh"

attacked

I found out recently that there was an attack (rape? The article doesn't say, although I heard from somebody there was rape involved) at one of the dorms (not run by the University) at UofL. I'm sure somebody somewhere is probably blaming the girl, somehow, they'll argue, she brought it on herself. I can just hear it now, "Well if they didn't have their door opened it wouldn't have happened." But if somebody is going to use that kind of twisted logic to explain away the incident, then they shouldn't stop there. Maybe we should blame them for having the audacity to have food in their room...I mean people get HUNGRY sometimes and maybe in the state of hunger they are compelled to do crazy things. We should probably blame them too for sleeping, and probably in night clothes like pajamas. Considering the current trend of tank tops with shorts and the fact that many women sleep braless (not me...if I go braless and thanks to gravity my boobs try to strangle me during the night)...they were probably REALLY provocatively dressed, and since men can't control their lustful drives around women just asking for sex...well it was probably a done deal when they got their "Princess" tank top with matching boy-short bottoms at Target. While we're at it we might as well blame them for having vaginas. I mean how dare a woman have a vagina...doesn't she KNOW what its for. Sure, some people might argue its for urinating and child birth...but WE ALL KNOW it is really just a ticking time-bomb, giving off subliminal penis-reception radio waves.

fun fun fun, until daddy takes your t-bird away

Some fun/funny sites:

This reminded me of a time in East Berlin (when there was an East Berlin) and I made a stinky in a public toilet. Not only did it have the poop-saving shelf but the handle for flushing was nowhere near the toilet. I stayed in that bathroom for fifteen minutes just trying to figure out how to flush it. Just when I got frustrated enough to just leave with my poo prominently displayed on the shelf, I found the button to flush the toilet. It was like four feet above the toilet located at an elbow bend the plumbing. Thank god I found it because when I finally walked out of the stall there were like three people waiting in queue.

My friend sent me this link. What is it about children's programming that makes me want to drop acid?

Oh those Japanese...always so fashion forward.

Always a classic.

overcoming underachieving

Today somebody told me I was "Sort of mean." (In my own head it sounded a lot like admiration, but whether that is the case...ahhhhhh who am I kidding...what do I care). That comment really sort of bothered me and I made sure I told her about it. "What do you mean SORT OF??? Goddammit, I am completely mean, don't minimize me!!!" Even though to the untrained eye, my bitch-ness seems like a relatively easy thing for me to do...it's not. It takes a lot of effort to be a grade A, possibbly a grade AA, bitch. Sure the catty witticism seems flawless and natural, but having your brain go a million-miles-a-minute to come up with classic one-liners is tiring. But just to prove my uber-bitch status...I out-bitched the biggest bitch at work on Monday (woohoooo)...and he did NOT like that one bit.
Also, I just ate a bunch of tuna salad that I made last night. Am I the only person who thinks food tastes better when it is a leftover? I like my pizza two days old, same with my meatloaf and my tunafish salad. Maybe I really AM meant to be a gypsy, 'cause I love eating food that has been sitting around longer than is necessarily healthy.

can laziness constitute cheating?

I just finished a writing assignment for my Body and Popular Media class. We were supposed to study an institution and analyze the ways in which bodies are gendered in these settings. I whole-heartedly admit, I TOTALLY made my part up. I supposedly (well according to the four page bullshit ramblings I just did) went to the mall and did research, when in fact if you read my post from a few days ago I just went to buy portable iPod speakers and black eyeliner. I don't know what happened, sometime between last semester and this semester I have completely stopped caring about my educational attainment. Maybe I should have taken a vacation between summer and fall classes instead of working in order to revitalize, or maybe I have realized how completely useless my degree is in the "real world" and it is taking some of the fun out of going to school. At any rate, my days as an over-achiever are numbered...I might actually make a B before I graduate at this rate.

political feistiness

"Delegate Josh Kempf wears an elephant hat signifying the mascot of the Republican Party, on the second night of the 2004 Republican National Convention at Madison Square Garden in New York, August 31, 2004."

ELEPHANT HAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That is clearly a big dildo signifying what anybody at the RNC ACTUALLY is...a big dickhead...and I'm not referring to Cheney followers.

a letter to jeb bush

Why does this keep happening to Florida? One hurricane right after the other. While Hurricane-to-Tropical Storm Frances covers Florida only a short while after Tropical Storm Charley kicked its ass, Hurricane Ivan is lurking in the wings barely giving time for a breather in between. I'm sure you're asking yourself "Why me oh vengeful Lord? What haveth I done to deserveth such wrath?" I KNOW WHY!!! Stop trying to mess with the election by preventing only CERTAIN people from voting. And give that Kathleen Harris an Oil of Olay daily facial cleansing pad before that make-up leaks into her blood stream and causes some rare form of Maybelline blood toxicity.
Oh and p.s.-your son is kind of hot, he's not the kid with the drug problem is he?

sharper image, duller clerks

I went shopping yesterday. I probably need to stop because it is turning into an addiction, and mostly they are empty purchases. So I went to The Sharper Image to get the Altec Lansing stand alone speakers for my iPod. They didn't have any in stock, so I opted to have it shipped to my house (luckily it is free). Because I had bought an entertainment book recently (because those breeders at work always have kids selling fundraising stuff, although I do try and only buy from the parents with kids in public school) I was able to use the coupon for The Sharper Image. The coupon in big letters said "$50 off", BUT the fine print said fifty bucks on purchases more than $250.00, ten bucks on purchases less than that. Well I took the time to read the fine print before I went to the store, but apparently the clerk DID NOT read the fine print at the checkout. So I got $50.00 off. WOOOOHOOOOO, 1/3rd of the price tag knocked off by harried, possibly functionally illiterate sales staff. The saddest part was that the sales person was the asst. manager too. Now I REALLY feel like I got to stick it to the corporate man. Incidentally, the only thing left to complete my iPod accessories list is either a Volkswagen or BMW that has an iPod docking station right in the car's stereo system...wonder if I have a coupon for that???
After The Sharper Image, I went to MAC to get some black eyeliner. The clerks there were a bunch of stroppy cows. I don't know what it is about me, but I can never get fucking service at make-up counters, unless there happens to be a gay man at the counter...only THEN do I get service. Somebody told me it was because I don't look like a *ka-ching* customer because I don't wear make-up...but yesterday I had fucking make-up on...gobs of it...only Kabuki actors use more than I had on. So now I think it is because of something else. Either Mexican-looking girls don't get service or fat girls don't get service at the MAC counter by the Vagina Clerks.
**On a side note, the VIVA GLAM advert campaign now has Boy George. How fabulous is that? A big improvement over Elton John if you ask me...Personally I wish Divine was still alive...now SHE would be great in that campaign

creepy

I wonder if they did the original mold in plaster-of-paris like you do in art class or if they went straight for the clay...I mean the person is dead so you wouldn't have to worry about using nostril straws for breathing holes.

blogging under the influence

Just finished working the night shift. It was overall pretty boring, but there was a dose of reality in my night when a person my age of generally good health kicked the proverbial bucket (I will probably get into some major federal trouble for saying this, I'm sure it violates some federal law on...something). SMACK SMACK SMACK, life's giving me a wake up call...HELLO...damn voicemail. That was definitely a DOWNER. So then I came home and popped an Ambien because I drank too much caffeine and would have a hard time sleeping with it being bright and all. The Ambien is definitely starting to work its magik, I can barely type and my computer has a hue that it normally doesn't have, and my hands and fingers look like some weird reptilian claws...they're kinda creeping me out. But this whole experience is making me think of Half-Baked. "Have you ever looked at the stars.....But have you ever looked at them ON WEED?" "Have you ever looked at a twenty-dollar bill on WEED?" hehehehehehe. Unbelievably, I can relate to that tool Rush L.'s frantic need for pharmaceuticals, they're GGREEEEAATTT. I'm not making any sense. In my head, there is an amazing party of thoughts and visions and light shows...but outside of my head is just fucking weird with my reptile hands typing on my clackity-clackity keyboard and nothing making sense. I should probably go to bed. Sleep deprivation rules.

mayhem

That is a monster of a hurricane! Nothing like nature in all its wrath/glory to make you feel really small.

geography 101

Here's a fine way to test your geography skills. I know quite a lot of Asia, most of Western Europe, all of the U.S., and didn't even try some of the others because it would be quite embarrassing. But at least I knew where Afghanistan and Iraq were, unlike most of my fellow compatriots.

memories light the corners of my mind

My friend sent this in an email to me. Then she wrote something like "Hmmmm, I remember seeing something like this before." Except in my case it was just a pair of hands, and a Hyundai not a Volvo. Being nineteen was FUN!!!

start spreading the news

Some pics of New York City during the RNC, well the important part of the city anyway.