dog day afternoon

Never one to listen to the advice of a doctor, I opted to not listen to the advice of my vet either. "Don't feed your dog table scraps." These are fine words to live by, particularly considering the horror of the last few days. The pooch ate a bunch of people food on Christmas Eve. And then Christmas day I made him a steak...he deserved something special, particularly since I had to work and left him home all alone. But the present he gave me in return for all of the people food, dear lord... He spent the entire morning vomitting and then just for a little extra sumptin' sumptin', he got a bad case of the runs all over the carpet. And when that happened, I was pulling on my shirt to take him out. So I had to leave him in the bathroom while I was at work and when I came back, it was like Fratboy Fest 2006 had convened. How does a dog puke up his body weight? Luckily today he seems to be doing a lot better so I don't think I'll take him to the vet. But live and learn, no two days binges of table scraps anymore.

for the love of gee-ohh-dee

Current mood:FAT!
Somebody please keep me away from the fucking Christmas cookies! I thought I couldn't possibly shove any more pumpkin pie down my gullet after Thanksgiving, but alas...I have managed to prove myself oh so wrong. Thank god I heard that cellulite was the new black.

girls gone wild

This past weekend, a bunch of friends of the boy came out for a party. It ended up getting quite debaucherous. I did a few things that would shock some of my older friends. I did exceed some of my own limits. As did the boy. I kissed another boy and the boy kissed and groped another girl...all in good fun. But it's more than I would have thought I would do while in a relationship. Sure, during pillow talk, the boy and I might talk about what it would be like to "spice things up a bit." But that's just sexy talk, neither of us would really do that...at least I believe that to be the case. Or I believed that to be the case. I think I've started the sexual equivalent of the slippery slope argument with myself. Because I let myself kiss another male and my boy was okay with that...does that mean next time I'll let myself do a little more. And because I let him kiss another girl without complaint...does that mean I'll be okay with whatever happens next time. I don't want to end up a creepy predatory polyamourous couple. But, to be perfectly frank, I kind of like the idea that exploration isn't just for astronauts.

carion

I feel like I'm being consumed by frustration and tension lately. Maybe it's something as mundane as some seasonal disorder, feeling blue because the skies never seem to be. But that would seem trite, and I refuse to believe that I've allowed my emotional state to become that.
It's been a frustrating week. I tried fasting and only made it 48 of the recommended 240 hours, not that I'm all that upset about my lack of commitment to something that goes against most of what I know. But the effects the fast had on my body were unexpected, I had a week long headache and a almost total lack of clarity. I vow to NEVER give up coffee again.
So, while already feeling like shit I ended up getting incredibly angry with the boy about his decision making. My emotional volatity created a chasm between him and I, one of my own design and therefore only felt by me. The chasm of course beget a lashing out which beget his own anger which beget the ability he has of saying incredibly pointed and hurtful things.
And then there's the work/money situation. I guess I should have known better than to expect a corporate soulless shark to do the right thing, the fair thing. I guess I shouldn't have had any expectations. Then I wouldn't be so fucking upset that my doing the right thing would turn out to not bring the good tidings I had hoped for.
All these things, on an individual level, aren't anything too grand, certainly nothing that a person can't handle. But together, all at once, it feels like too much. It feels like the black nothingness that usually swirls in the periphery of my life is slithering forward and tapping me on the shoulder.

rebirth

I couldn't stay away. I've been doing this blogging thing for a while and thought I was through with it, but alas it seems that I was wrong. Less than one week after watching The Temple collapse in ruins, I'm back to gather and sort through the piles of rubble and ash in the hopes of recreating something resembling the Temple of Divine Disenchantment.

the fast and the furious

So a few weeks ago, I decided to try a fast/detox that my coworker was doing, the Master Cleanse, made popular by hippies and Beyonce. I can't remember exactly why I wanted to do it; mostly because after my birthday, Thanksgiving, and various debauched and deboozed nights...I was feeling a little ookie on the inside. Detoxing sounded right up my alley.

Basically the cleanse involved 10 days of this lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper stuff, all the peppermint tea you could drink, water, laxative tea, and/or a saline flush. I started on Monday...and FINISHED by Tuesday night. It was a horrible two days. I was dizzy, unfocused, had no mental clarity, spent two solid days on the toilet as if I had just gotten back from Mexico and had spent the entire time drinking the water, and dammit I was HUNGRY the entire time. I knew it wasn't working out when I started making mistakes at work. That wouldn't be so bad if I worked somewhere where making a mistake meant forgetting to take pickles off of a sandwich, but patients and doctors are not too stoked on having their labwork get screwed up. And then there's the whole rational thinker in me who kept wondering why I would want to be shitting mucous, why I would want to screw up my electrolytes by starving myself, and why I would want to make my body feel like I just caught malaria.

Oh well, apparently I didn't hold out long enough. After day three it's supposed to be a breeze. And apparently my reaction was worse than my co-worker's because I am WAY more toxic than she is. Which is all probably true. I think I might actually try this again at some point though. However, next time I won't do it when I'm working, I'll wait until I have some time off. And I won't do the whole laxative portion, that was just gross.