Love. Jesus. I spend far too much of my time contemplating love, in all of its forms. But lately I think my focus has been on romantic love...probably a little too much of my focus. But that tends to happen over the holidays when I'm feeling a little too sentimental. And it tends to happen when feeling like I am surrounded by friends with new steadies who are positively drowning in new relationship energy. And then conversely seeing the aftershocks from breakups of several long term relationships. And then quietly observing people staying in relationships that shouldn't necessarily continue. And watching the ex interact with his new love. And having an all-to-brief and not necessarily wise "fling" with somebody I've been infatuated with for years and ending up with a serious case of unrequited...well not love but something that feels more intense than like.
Love. Jesus. So effing complicated. But why? It's the one thing that almost everybody wants. So why is it so difficult, so elusive, so seemingly unsustainable? I imagine it's because most of us have learned that love should be tailored to our individual needs. And if the chances of picking six random numbers are 1 in 53 million...what by god are the chances of finding that one complementary person out there out of the billions? And if you think you've found that person, there is certainly no guarantee that they think they've found that person in you. And even if you both think that way, who's to say that you'll believe that in a month or a year or ten years? Ugh.
Is it too late to give it all up for monastery life?
