learning curve

So, that's how it's done.

senior citizen

Holy Christ...one of the most depressing things just happened. I was out walking Iniki, just a stroll to catch that witchy twilight hour that I don't usually get to see stuck down in the dungeon as I often am. And I see these two youngish (definitely of legal voting age, questionable drinking status) gals walking towards me. They're chattering away and we walk closer and closer to one another and as we are about to pass one another, one of them stops and says...
"Excuse me ma'am...we're looking for (blah blah blah, blah blah blah random party house)" I was aghast...she called me ma'am. Has is truly happened, have I stumbled over that hill of aging into the realm of ma'am-dom? I mean, I guess I'm not so worried if a twelve year old calls me ma'am...but a twenty year old? Fuck that shit.

pure genius

Portishead's Third is the most brilliant piece of music-making I have heard in a really long time. It is pure magic. I love it so much that I would give my virginity to it if I could.

on the table

I have been looking for some change in my work situation for a while. Mostly I just want to get on a day shift because I am mostly over the evening shift thing. It was cool when I was more into the party scene because I could go out all night and sleep in all morning. It was cooler when I only worked four days a week and had more flexibility. But now I feel as though I am missing out a little bit. I want to be able to take an ecodance class or a sewing class or go to a bar and play in a trivia tournament. I want to have weekends off and finally be able to spend Thanksgiving with my family for the first time in like 12 years.
At any rate, I went on an interview recently and went in today for a job offer. It was a good offer, I wouldn't lose any benefits, the vacation time is good, I'll get a bus pass...but I counter-offered for a slightly higher salary. It's the first time I've ever done that, normally I would just take a job. So now comes the waiting game, the woman who would negotiate is on vacation and hopefully she's checking her email. And I'm kinda geeked out because I do want the job. Other than a mild salary increase, the rest of the job looks pretty good. I had to do it though. The worst they can do is say no right?

meine mainfesto

I am who I am and that is somebody with a multitude of facets, some of which are inherently flawed. But if I were a diamond, I would be at minimum a VVS2.
I will not take more than I can give and conversely I will not give more than I can take.
I will find happiness in the mundane, I will find happiness in the extraordinary, I will find happiness.
I will not fit into anybody else's tidy box. I will peer into and appreciate the box somebody else has taken the time to fashion for themself, but I will never cut off my appendages in order to squeeze into the cardboard walls of what somebody else designed.
I will take all of the time I need. I would rather walk through life than race through it because you notice much more. None of it is irrelevant.
I will not expect it to be easy. The greatest rewards and the greatest learning come from having pushed yourself through something difficult.
I will honor my thousand chestnut trees. I am a mirror of the history of my ancestors. I will honor them in order to honor myself.
I will no longer engage in the hubris of thinking that I have surpassed a certain set of ideals. I will recognize that they may not be right for me but I won't look down on them with disdain. Sometimes it really feels okay to be normal and average.
I will allow myself to be a work in process.