the robots are coming

I remember reading about a phenomenon when the iPod first came out years and years ago. Apparently at some point a person and their iPod will experience some level of emotional, spiritual, and psychological synchronicity, a marriage of a living soul and a memory chip. Once this happens, the iPod (mine having assumed the identity Em-Three in all her pink and shiny glory) will play music FOR the listener not just because that's what happens when you press play. It will go through the playlist and specifically choose the songs to facilitate the soundtrack of the user's life. I experienced this with my old iPod mini, a dinosaur relic in the iPod family. I've just re-experienced this union with my new iPod. Of the thousands of songs on my iPod, Em-three has been playing some incredibly obscure songs and songs that have never played before to match my mood. It's quite an amazing feeling to hear a song you didn't even know you had and that song being absolutely pin point perfect for that exact moment in time. It's like the beginnings of some sci-fi short story. I guess that means the future leader of all things will be Steve Jobs.

bring out the best foods

I hate mayonnaise. I hate it with a passion rivaled only by my passions for Johnny Depp and out of town boys. In the matter of two days, I have been bamboozled by sandwich and hamburger companies into eating the goopy egg-slop that reminds me of a nasty phlegm-wad. Last night I ate a greasy-grease burger, a necessity after a night of drinking, and though I wanted the divine sounding deluxe burger...I opted for the cheeseburger instead because the deluxe came with mayo. But they had sleathely slathered mayo on my burger anyway...bastards, totally put a dent in my buzz. Then today I decided that I couldn't eat crackers and peanut butter for another four day stretch, so I went to the grocery store and picked up some nibbles, including a deli sandwich. I should have known that something was amiss when I noticed there weren't individual little packets of condiments that most sandwiches have. What a way to ruin a perfectly good turkey sandwich, a ton of icky-icky mayo. Man, I'm telling you...when I rule the world not only will EVERYBODY have the same metabolism, but mayonnaise will only be used in my mom's crab salad and occasionally for canned tuna.