cops

On Saturday morning, after a hard night of partying, the boy and I got home and decided to walk the dogs. The sun had already risen so we were walking them in daylight. We start going on one of my usual treks, I thought it might be nice to walk towards the lake since it was turning out to be such a beautiful morning. As we're heading in that direction, we pass by some shady looking fellas. As a little reminder, I live in a very much gentrified neighborhood but there are still some vestiges of a part of the city that was crippled with a crack problem in the 80s and 90s. While we are passing them and a gas station, one of the duo yells to some other people at the gas station, "One ton coming!" And as he finishes yelling this, a cop pulls up. There are three-four more guys hanging out in the gas station and a couple of woman in a car...clearly having been in the middle of a drug deal. So the cop car sidles up and stops on the street outside of the gas station. The guys in the parking lot all split up and one of them each stands at the corner of the intersection that the boy, the dogs and myself are standing and where I am standing as still as I can and praying that the crosswalk light will change soon. There is this massive overwhelming feeling of tension in the air and that fucking street light takes forever to change, but eventually it does and we walk on as the cop is pulling away and the people at the gas station disperse.

houdini

I swear I posted something here last night. I'm positive that I wrote a paragraph, replete with complete sentences and then hit the publish button. But alas, it must have been a bunch of horse shit because the blog post opted not to post itself.
Ahhh well. I basically tried to recount my soggy weekend of not-so-glamorous camping where our tent ended up with a half an inch of rain in the bottom and everybody there had a good time because if they didn't, the nightmare of dampness might actually sink in.

breaking up

Social networking friends are like a really bad boyfriend. They come, they go, they leave without giving you a reason. I actually find myself getting annoyed when my friend catalog gets incrementally smaller from day to day. Mostly I'm annoyed because I spend a second or two wondering who deleted me...not that I care...no wait I DO care! Where did you go friend? Don't just delete a mofo...tell a sistah what's up, give a bitch a second chance, or at the very least...a comment break up. Come on now.

PS-In case it wasn't glaringly obvious...I kid. I don't care...THAT much. ;)

hanging on and letting go

I forget...is there an expiration date on feeling bad about something? I don't mean the feeling REALLY bad part, where your emotions become this possessing force that stun you and make you incapable of moving in any direction. What I mean are the lingering bad feelings. The ones that make take you by surprise and make you second guess yourself and your other. The ones that alter your perception, however minutely, so that those little things that flew right past you somehow end up becoming the gnat on the windshield. How long? A week, a month, a year, forever?

hard knock life

I've just had one of the hardest weeks I've had in a long time. I'd forgotten how difficult love and relationships can be. I'd forgotten about the BIG problems.
Boundaries are such a strange thing. It's funny that everybody just assumes that everybody else has the same boundaries, as if there is some complicit agreement that because you agreed to be with somebody, you agreed to accept everything about them. It's also funny how boundaries never get discussed until something "bad" happens, sometimes not until it's too late.
Luckily it wasn't too late for me and for us, but for a while it felt like the timer was winding down to the last few seconds. And during those moments, I thought that I just couldn't handle another break-up. Especially this time around, when I wouldn't be able to extricate myself from the other person's life and friends and inevitable witness to each other moving on as completely as I've been able to in the past.
But I don't have to worry about that now. We decided as couple that we would grow rather than grow apart. I'm surprisingly optimistic.

underemployed

I went on a job interview today. From the posting, it sounded pretty close to what I was looking for. The right hours, right number of days, close enough to where I live, blah blah blah. But as it turns out, it wasn't what I was looking for. I feel a little disappointed, I was excited by the prospect of not having to work weekends or holidays any longer. In the end though, I guess it's fine. I don't have it so bad at my current job. And it's nice to know that if things got desperate, there are other jobs places out there willing to pay too much for what you would actually be doing.

good morning sunshine

I've been waking up to clear blue skies for about a week. Summer is definitely here. But what do we do with summer as grown ups? As children it seemed pretty clear...wake up, go outside, play until you had to eat or go to the bathroom or you lost a digit. Then you went home for as short an amount of time as possible and went back outside to play and play and play until curfew. As adults, there is so much more possibility. So why did I stay home yesterday? I need a hobby. Anyone got one they can loan me?

that sh*t is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s

On Saturday I decided to make banana bread, not to eat mind you, just to get rid of overly ripe bananas. I took the one loaf that didn't come out gross in to work. Before I actually got to work though, I decided that I had to go to Bartell's and buy a pair of tweezers and a headband. So there I am, standing in line with my random purchases and my loaf of banana bread when this older gentleman, probably in his 70s, get in line behind me and starts conversating.
Him: Are you gonna share whatever smells so good or are you keeping in for yourself?
Me: Oh, I'm sharing it all right.
Him: That's nice.
Me: Well the reason I'm sharing it is because I probably would eat it all to myself and I'd like to spend one less day at the gym.
Him: Well that's pretty smart. (Pause). But a smart man likes a chunky lady so don't go losing too much weight.
Me: Oh, I don't think that'll ever be a problem.

It was really cute and funny. Especially since he said chunky. I usually only reserve that word for toddlers and peanut butter.