Do you remember that book All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten? While I agree that the things we learn as children are the most important things we'll ever learn, this guy just has far too positive a spin on things for me. Here's what I think we all learned in kindergarten:
o Only share when people are looking so they think you're nice. Otherwise keep what's yours...selfishness has its own rewards.
o Choose friends and sides all the time, always make sure somebody feels left out. That feeling you get when you make other kids cry...it's called power, some day having this power will pay off.
o Don't hit people. There are MUCH better ways to hurt somebody...tell them you hate them and then tell everybody else they still pee in the bed. Emotional pain always hurts more than physical pain.
o Wash your hands before you eat...but not necessarily after you sneeze. Communicable diseases help boost your immune system. And hand-washing after booger picking? Don't even worry about that...just wipe it under your chair when nobody is looking.
o Don't take things that aren't yours, let the teachers take it away and then cry until they give it to you. Manipulation...almost as good as power.
o Boys have cooties.
o Even though you know you're a pretty girl...it's always a good idea to wear ribbons and curls because nothing is more satisfying then everybody telling you that you're pretty.
o Pick a new best friend everyday. To make sure all the kids want to be your best friend, always have an extra cupcake.
o Playing house is fun until people stop playing the way you think they should/the right way. Instead of compromising, kick them all out of your house. Compromise is for sissies.
o Never be the last kid chosen for anything. You may never be the best, but always make sure you're at least a little bit better than the worst kids.
*I'm sure this makes no sense, I'm really tired. I need a nappy.
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