friendly fire

It's true, I'm not a very nice person. I don't smile recklessly, I reserve them for special occassions like the fine china you only use for Christmas dinners. I don't do small talk, I think it is absolutely painful to sit around with people you don't know very well and have conversations about the weather and mulch, frankly if given the choice I might opt to eat my own vomit. Plus I have the unusual, uncanny ability to sabotage most of my existing relationships with my unrealistic expectations of people. And of course my unrelenting standards of others prevents the development of new relationships even though I certainly recognize that I'm no prize. So what does it all mean? I'm really fucking lonely right now. I think I need a hug.